Cousin copying everything i do..

[Getyaownstyle]

I’ll start by saying that I know many would say imitation is the greatest form of flattery but it’s driving me insane.

I come from a close family and live about 20 mins from my cousin and her family. Cousin in question is in her early thirties (there’s only 18 months between us). We’re not teenagers.

I had my first baby last year. She’s nearly 1. Cousin had her first (a girl 3 months ago). Every single bit of baby paraphernalia is identical to mine - pram, changing bag, nursery decor and furniture, clothes, muslins, bouncer, you name it.

We’re all going on holiday as a family next week. I went round to hers to visit and she showed me her baby’s bits and pieces - and her baby’s suitcase is near on identical to my dd’s, pretty much every outfit.

I know it sounds petty but it’s wearing me down. She babysat my daughter at our house a while ago so must have had a snoop then.

Bloody hell you're getting a hard time OP! Just ignore!

I totally get how annoying and unnerving that would be. Have you ever commented on it or asked her? Like when you first saw her nursery?

I think it is a compliment but that doesn't make it any easier. It's tricky because you're so close and you don't want to damage your relationship. I think you may have to just suck it up if you don't want to totally offend her. I think she will relax a bit as baby gets older. Count to 10 😁

Super weird and I'd be irritated/angry too. I'd take it as a lesson not to allow her to snoop further, but for this holiday I'd - cue howls of outrage - buy another two or three things for your baby to wear so you're a bit less on edge about same outfits etc.

If you've packed her clothes for holiday already, what is she wearing now? Does she have a holiday wardrobe? How odd. There's being prepared, yes, but there's taking it to a new level.

I'm not the OP, but I did this recently - because it was 20 degrees plus where we were holidaying, much colder in England. So it wasn't a "holiday wardrobe", just DD's summer clothes that she can't yet use at home, and has only just grown into.

I think it boils down to whether you're exaggerating by saying everything is identical or whether in fact the items are just generally a similar style with a few being the same.

Being honest with yourself, is it the latter? Sometimes we can perceive a situation in a particular way and build it up in our head into something it's not. If you're looking for "evidence" of something, you will "find" it in order to confirm your own theory to yourself.

For perspective, you might think buying rainbow coloured scandi style outfits and a trunki is a bit different and unique, but none of these brands would be in business if you were the only one liking or buying them. And I'd be surprised if the nursery was identical, surely not every last item is the exact same, do you mean it's just the same theme?

Youre making it sound sort of like she's replicating every single element of your live, but I think that sounds extreme and unlikely, so all in all I think your judgment is probably a bit off.

That's weird OP.

All I can suggest is that you change the contents of the suitcase a bit. Preferably with items you wouldn't normally buy and see how she reacts. Or comment everytime she copies. It's the pram and nursery I find particularly weird as they are so obvious. I can see how clothes can be seen as a bit more generic. What did you say when you saw the nursery? If it really was exactly the same as yours it must have been .

Is it really everything ? you say she copied the nursery is it say pink and grey and she chosen the same colours and furniture or does she have the same rug, pictures on the wall, light shade ECT? Do you use instagram for inspiration ? Could you both be following the same people ? how often are you seeing her ? I don't understand how she could be seeing all her clothes ? I'm guessing she changes at least once a day ( maybe more if dirty from crawling, eating ect) how would she know where the outfits came from? Is it something like you dress her in scandi brands for example as other people who also like those brands do recognise the clothes. I do buy lots of scandi stuff also get stuff from smaller businesses ( fred and Noah) lots of people say they like his clothes but sometimes people recognise and comment on the brand. Is she recognising the brand ? as I'm struggling to think how else she is finding the stuff. I agree if its as extreme as you say it's very annoying. You are obviously enjoying this part of being a mum and spending time and effort and maybe your enjoying the comments from family/ friends/ even strangers and there is nothing wrong with that. How well do you get on ? I think you could say to her look every time I see you it seems like you have gone out and bought the same clothes ECT as DD and I'm finding it a bit odd. Then see what she says maybe she's feeling really insecure or struggling , maybe she just loves your style ? but at least you can talk about it.

Styling her?! Really?

Have you considered that’s she’s doing it BECAUSE you make such a big deal of your ‘individual styling’? I can see how the copying would be annoying, but honestly you sound so pretentious and frankly bonkers about this, I can see how someone might do it deliberately to wind you up.

Also what working full time parent of a 3mo packs a suitcase for a holiday WEEKS in advance?! 😂 Actually a pretty strong chance a baby would grow out of a clothes or nappy size in that timeframe at that age, if nothing else.

Anyone who has had a friend (or cousin) that continually copies you and is incapable of choosing anything from a pair of boots to a kitchen themselves will understand the OP.

It really is very very infuriating. It may not affect her life but she is entitled to feel irritated.

Have you actually asked your cousin directly why she feels the need to copy everything?

From her response, you can then gauge if there are any other underlying issues going on (low self esteem?). Maybe, she just admires your style and doesn’t realise that copying everything you’re purchasing for your daughter is becoming slightly annoying ( to you).

Ask the question and then open it up into a conversation if this is bothering you. Your cousin is probably unaware of your feelings.

I think you’ve phrased things unfortunately in your OP and people are seeing “styling” and “Instagram” and dismissing you as a self-absorbed “Insta-mum”.

I would say YANBU. Yes, clothes and nursery “style” aren’t a big deal to some people, but they are more important to others and neither POV makes anyone any less of a parent. It’s just personal taste and priorities, just as how adults “style” themselves (or not) is a personal thing which still leaves lots of room for other activities/forms of expression.

This sounds deliberate to me OP, and I can imagine it’s pretty annoying and unsettling. Not just because you don’t want your precious DD to have to share her “look”, as many are assuming, but because it suggests a level of scrutiny of your life and your DD’s things which goes beyond normal coincidence or having similar tastes.

If the copying is really as extensive and all-encompassing as you say, it would feel a bit like an invasion of privacy to me — like I was always being watched and everything was being noted. I get why that’s not a comfortable feeling, even if not maliciously intended.

Is it by any chance a 'scandi' look that you both have? Like the bright patterns and colours?

I am just in awe that you packed a baby's suitcase weeks in advance!

This thread is just full of women tearing another woman down for daring to admit that she cares about aesthetics. It's like a race to the bottom here with you all falling over yourselves to prove how "not like the other (read:shallow) girls" you all are. Grow up the lot of you, this isn't high school.

OP, if it was just one or two things or a general vibe then fair enough but meticulously copying everything in the way you describe is strange and infuriating. Have you thought about asking her outright? Because this is potentially going to be really awkward once thr girls are old enough to notice what's happening.

It's not unfeminist to tell a woman that seems obsessed about her baby's style that it's madness. Men don't have to worry about criticising other men, for women to have to nice to each other just because we have the same sex organs is sexist crap.

I don't think I've ever read a thread that ya so... bitchy! Sorry it's the only word that fits!

The people having a pop at the op seem to have only read parts of the op.

It's not a crime to want your children to look nice, it's also normal that your children reflect your personal style and it's also normal that your children can look spectacular and you just look normal because as mums we generally put all our extra energies in to our children!

I can perfectly believe that a suitcase has been packed in advance with the next stage up clothes ready for holiday.

If your cousin is looking through your things and snooping she is invading your private space and needs speaking to. Maybe she is feeling a bit clueless and took inspiration from you and got carried away. If it's anything more than this though it's very weird!

I would get some other things for your holiday and enjoy your dd looking lovely on her holiday.

Pinterest is full of ‘creative’ nursery ideas.
Most of which are rinse and repeat.

I’m sure she’s not copying you

Easy fix, say Infront of the family on this holiday 'oh cousin you need to stop buying the same things as DC as I can't give you hand me downs like I planned to as you have already bought everything!'

That way family realise she's a copy cat and you put a stop to the copying as will give her your things in the end anyway.

In our house. I had all my 2 year old neices toys given to me and now my sister is having a baby again she has had ALL my baby clothes. It doesn't even cross my mind she'd be copying me by her child wearing the same clothes?

I partly wonder if there is maybe a backstory as usually cousins will be happy to dress the same? Just realised I bought the cousins 4 matching outfits in the Sainsbury's sale yesterday and didn't even think my sister might not like the matching, I think it's cute!

As PP said.

Also mention how quickly babies grow and that you don't want her to waste her money. Until my DD grew out of her 9 month clothes (at 5 months) virtually everything was a hand me down.

We’ve all got perfect reading comprehension, thanks. I assume many of us are simply incredulous that a woman — particularly one who works FT with a baby, describes herself as ‘time poor’ and has the intelligence to be able to compose a post on the Internet — has devoted half a brain cell to ‘styling’ her baby, nursery, muslins etc, and appears to genuinely believe a three-month old baby is being mistreated because she is similarly ‘styled’.

And there’s nothing unfeminist about saying that being so obsessed with what your baby daughter wears is both mad and itself unfeminist — she’s a baby, not a fashion accessory.

If she copies what you wear, time for some fun. Buy some really outrageous clothes from charity shops to wear only when she see you, and make sure you're wearing something different every time. She'll run herself ragged trying to copy you.

Essential Hummus - OK, you may have few rompers that it's too cold to wear and a summer hat, but isn't the rest just layering? T-shirt and cardis and leggings with socks and hat or whatever. You mean your baby doesn't wear any clothes more than 1 season? I do think that's weird. I have a 1 year old, she's in the same clothes when it's warm or chillier in England but just more of them. Tights with the dresses etx

I think I would just work on trying to not let it bother you. They are just two babies wearing some comfortable clean clothes. It won’t be long before they have quite separate and probably distinct personalities. And how you dress (or style) her will follow that.

If your nursery is grey, she’s not copying you.

It's a bit different wearing hand me downs at a different time That's normal, as are one or two coincidences and even an occasional "I bought the same because I loved it when I saw your dd in it". But this goes beyond that. It's extreme copying and it would upset more people in reality than are admitting it on this thread.

The pp is right. This is such a bitchy thread. It doesn't reflect rl opinions I'm sure. Ignore op. It is weird.

OK, you may have few rompers that it's too cold to wear and a summer hat, but isn't the rest just layering?

Not for me. Shorts, swimsuit, short sleeve dresses? Plus 10 or so tshirts here. She’s 20 months old. As the size guides indicate, she is in most clothes for 6-10 months, so it makes sense to buy things for the coming season. She’ll obviously wear them here too (when it bloody warms up already) but they were all packed away for first use on holiday.

She bought all the same baby equipment.
Did her nursery the same.
And now has bought all the same outfits.

And some of you honestly don't think this is just plain weird?

I'm with you OP. I wouldn't like this one bit.