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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am i 'sad' for buying a dress i have nowhere to wear?

221 replies

StripeyChina · 27/05/2019 10:55

I have been physically disabled for 15 years now.
Lots of weight gradually crept on over that time. For some years
I have been unable to work due to a combi of mine and dc disabilities.
I was broke and fairly housebound so lived in jeans and asda fleeces.
(not a 'tiny violin' fact, just the way it was)

I got a job last Sept and needed some smarter clothes so I bought some (ALL from charity shops). Sadly, I have just been dismissed because work say my disability renders me 'unable to fulfil my role'. (ACAS advise a disability discrimination case should be brought)

To cheer myself up last week, I bought a 2nd hand silver Prom dress. Clearly, I have (and will have) nowhere to wear it. But it looks lovely.

I bought it as I have tried really hard re my weight and managed to lose 7st over 2.5 years and I just wanted to feel glamorous (for £35)
At the weekend I was talking to my dd about it. STBEX called me 'sad'.
Kids (kind of) joined in. I felt very tearful and had a 'private moment'

But I'm worried they are right and I am a saddo?

OP posts:
LadyRoughDiamond · 28/05/2019 17:37

Gorgeous Issa number, silk Jersey. Too formal and too tight for anything in my life these days. Has been in my wardrobe with tags still on for five years now. One day. One day. In the meantime, it's a great catalyst to get my arse in gear. Dream away OP, there are loads of us out there, all over the place, different walks of life, all doing the same thing.

ToftyAC · 28/05/2019 17:50

How fucking rude! You bought yourself a treat.... find somewhere to go wear it and shine.

Trudij123 · 28/05/2019 17:52

Well it’s simple - we just need to find you somewhere TO wear it!! Whereabouts are you? I’m more than happy to find a ladies day to run my horse at and have you come with us if it’s managable!

I’ve got LOTS of dresses that I’ve eitjer never worn or have only worn once. They make me happy :)

Jenasaurus · 28/05/2019 17:55

I think that’s lovely. Why not host a prom event dinner at your house. Everyone can dress up and you can wear your lovely dress xx

Dilligaf81 · 28/05/2019 18:21

Not sad at all. Its hope wrapped in dress form.
I love a nice dress and have been known to buy dressy dresses just in case. I once got asked if I was going to a wedding on the school run but no i was going to watch my toddler have swimming lessons, then pick the others up from school/nursery then cook and clean but my god I felt like a beauty queen.

ShowMeTheKittens · 28/05/2019 18:26

I'm disabled too and struggle with weight as I am in pain after about 1/2 and hour of walking, not that it prevents me.
I think... it's totally lovely you have a pretty shiny dress and bless you very much for loving pretty stuff.
Being disabled is no fun and anything that can help you smile is a bonus.
Unfortunately, people are sometimes thoughtless and unkind but that's their meanness showing and nothing to do with you. Your daughter should learn to be supportive and it is disablist to mock and jeer. You tell her I said so! Love V xxxx

Purplegecko · 28/05/2019 18:27

OP Im glad he's a soon to be ex, how nasty of him.
I've got a wardrobe full of stupidly fancy sh*t gathered in sales and from charity shops, I never go to events and hardly leave the house unless it's work or uni or to the shops. I just like to put them on and stand infront of a mirror. I'm in my 20s, never get invited to places as I keep myself to myself--not sad about it I just don't like going out. But I do like to feel pretty, even if no one else sees me. Sometimes I wear something ridiculously over the top to the post office and back. It's a laugh, life is too short and miserable. Make yourself happy, you're the only one that's got to live with you for the rest of your life.
Please, wear that dress in front of them and have an absolute ball in it.

Jacesmum1977 · 28/05/2019 18:35

Where that dress as much as you can. Wear it, wash it and wear it again!!!
Amazing on the weight loss, it’s such an achievement.
You my dear are not sad!!!!
You’re awesome xx

manicmij · 28/05/2019 18:47

Well done on losing all that weight. Of course you deserved to treat yourself. Why not just decide to have a bit more of a special meal given lack of funds at home. Ask DD or friend and put the dress on for the occasion, tell them you are having a bit of a 'Posh' night and they can dress up too.

Cantfindafreeusername · 28/05/2019 18:50

Hell no - most of my wardrobe has tags on and never been worn because I buy ‘what I like’ rather than thinking practically about what I ‘will wear’ 😁 just enjoy it!!!

Tessabelle74 · 28/05/2019 18:55

I'll take you out op! I have nowhere to wear a dress like that either so let's get tarted up and head to a weatherspoons together ☺

NorthernKnickers · 28/05/2019 19:09

Oh my god I bloody LOVE your dress OP!!! I love even more that you bought it, with nowhere to go! That's just what I would have done 😂 Who cares? The pleasure is in OWNING it!! It's yours!!! I bought a pair of shoes years ago, that I knew I'd never wear, but they were just fabulous and I had to have them 🤷‍♀️ They are still in their box in my wardrobe, and I get them out sometimes and just sit and watch telly with them in...purring at their beauty 🤣🤦‍♀️🥰 (Red, suede, ridiculously high heels 👠)

UrsulaPandress · 28/05/2019 19:14

9 stone?

9 fucking stone.

You get that dress on and find somewhere to wear it.

LittleGwyneth · 28/05/2019 19:18

You'll have a chance to wear it at some point in the future and then you'll be terribly grateful to your past self for having such great foresight. Plus, £35 to feel good about yourself sounds like a bargain.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 28/05/2019 19:20

I'd wear it every day. My mum used to keep her nice clothes for best, she died with wardrobes full of barely worn stuff. I wear my favourite clothes and if it's dressy I try and find a way to tone it down, maybe with trainers or a jumper.

Zeezee82 · 28/05/2019 19:24

I do housework in my wedding dress.
My friends think I’m nuts but not “sad”
Wear the dress wherever and whenever you fancy

Lifeover · 28/05/2019 19:38

Quite frankly if you get happiness from wearing it, wear it watching the tv. The only sad person here is your STBEx who is trying to use something that brings you joy to bring you sadness - sounds like he soon to be can’t be soon enough

impossible · 28/05/2019 20:25

That's a beautiful dress, great choice and not at all sad. I'm sure your dcs are lovely but at 14 and 11 a sneer is never far away. My teens were relentless.

Losing so much weight is an incredible achievement. Congratulations! You should be so proud of yourself. You have turned your life around and you have every reason to celebrate. Do get someone to take some photos of you in it if you can. And wear it whenever you like. Fields aren't always muddy - how about you waft around a sunny field in it?

Bloodless · 28/05/2019 20:41

Not all OP. If you live in Northern Ireland I could arrange a photoshoot for you 😊 (I’m a makeup artist)

Touchmybum · 28/05/2019 21:28

You do whatever makes you happy girl, life is short!!!

There's a good reason why that joyless fucker is STBEX... Youngsters don't know any better - that's why "youth is wasted on the young"!

Enjoy your dress, I'm sure it looks amazing on you, and I hope life is good to you from here on in xxx

Tubs11 · 28/05/2019 21:30

Enjoy your dress! I still throw on my wedding dress from time to time as it makes me feel good. I've zero intention of wearing it out in public ;-p

Thefemalekeithrichards · 28/05/2019 21:33

Aaaaw bless you,...it’s not sad at all. A thing of beauty is a joy forever

PotteryLottery · 28/05/2019 21:37

I was feeling low but I had to try on a dress for something in a few weeks time and it immediately snapped me out of my low mood.

You go girl!

Lovely13 · 28/05/2019 21:54

Fabulous thing to do for you! Tell the rest of them to F off. Wear it with pride. I bought a dress two years ago just cos I loved it. Nowhere to go in it until couple of months ago. I felt gorgeous in it!

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 28/05/2019 21:59

Gorgeous dress! I’d wear it dancing round the house to vvv loud music Grin Wish I could find clothes like that in my local charity shops!