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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am i 'sad' for buying a dress i have nowhere to wear?

221 replies

StripeyChina · 27/05/2019 10:55

I have been physically disabled for 15 years now.
Lots of weight gradually crept on over that time. For some years
I have been unable to work due to a combi of mine and dc disabilities.
I was broke and fairly housebound so lived in jeans and asda fleeces.
(not a 'tiny violin' fact, just the way it was)

I got a job last Sept and needed some smarter clothes so I bought some (ALL from charity shops). Sadly, I have just been dismissed because work say my disability renders me 'unable to fulfil my role'. (ACAS advise a disability discrimination case should be brought)

To cheer myself up last week, I bought a 2nd hand silver Prom dress. Clearly, I have (and will have) nowhere to wear it. But it looks lovely.

I bought it as I have tried really hard re my weight and managed to lose 7st over 2.5 years and I just wanted to feel glamorous (for £35)
At the weekend I was talking to my dd about it. STBEX called me 'sad'.
Kids (kind of) joined in. I felt very tearful and had a 'private moment'

But I'm worried they are right and I am a saddo?

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 27/05/2019 12:11

Not sad at all - I agree try to find somewhere to wear it if you can, your weight loss is amazing and you will feel absolutely fabulous in it I'm sure.

A few months ago I bought a floor length black velvet coat from e- bay - I just fell in love with it, I don't actually go anywhere posh enough to wear it, but I have worn it to to a couple of non posh things and I felt great.

people who choose to comment on or make fun of other people's clothes choices are the sad ones. It's a shame your kids are joining in - if they are old enough I would take them aside and explain why you wanted something to make you feel good just as you have done here.

A lot of charities have a yearly 'charity ball' to raise money - might be worth looking around for something like that to go to with a friend to show off your beautiful dress.

Teacakeandalatte · 27/05/2019 12:16

Agree with all the others saying find an occasion to wear it, even if it might be something you have to save up, for the dress will be waiting. A photoshoot sounds like a great idea too if you have lost a lot of weight and you could have your hair and nails done.

YesQueen · 27/05/2019 12:17

@Justbreathing well spotted! I got an underbust corset too

Original poster
StripeyChina · 27/05/2019 12:17

Aaargh - I've got something in my eye... (in a good way)

My first ever post on MN (about 15 years ago) was in AIBU and I got chewed up (prob deservedly, can't remember what it was about now!)
So I was a bit eeeek about posting this morning.. I was going to move it to '30 days only' but the ancient laptop wouldn't cut and paste so I thought 'sod it, I will risk AIBU' Grin and you've all been bloody lovely!

I think I was so wobbled by it as the kids were joining in (14 and 11) and that really got to me as they are kind kids normally. So I wondered if STBEX was right (and if the lass I bought it from thought similar)

I'd like to have some proper prof photos taken in it. Need to save up.
I'm not normally vain but the total loss over 5 years is 9st and I do look a different person and I'd like to have a pic of that (self indulgent)
I live rural Northumberland so unlikely to wear it (can't walk in the crazy pole dancer type shoes I got from a charity shop (4.99) to go with it - its a bit long - but would look nice in a pic I think?)

I LOVE the idea of a gang of us vacuuming in our fab gowns just for US. I'm glad I'm not the only one who might do crazy stuff like this :)

I am going to order that book, it looks good :)

THANK YOU Smile

OP posts:
BestestBrownies · 27/05/2019 12:24

Well I can't think WHY he's an EX.....

He is obviously one of those joy-sucking, condescending arsehole men who take pleasure destroying a woman's confidence and 'putting you in your place'.

OP, be your fabulous, silver prom dress-wearing self and stick two fingers up to the sad little wanker.

WoollyMummoth · 27/05/2019 12:26

You are not sad at all! Tell the miserable lot to jog on. I have a beautiful burgundy Victorian dress on a fancy tailor’s dummy in the corner of my bedroom. I’ve worn it once to a fancy dress but looking at it everyday brings me joy.
Well done losing the weight and the husband!😁

Original poster
StripeyChina · 27/05/2019 12:28

YesQueen
Oh, that's Stunning (my dress is drab in comparison ;)

Isatis
You rock! I think I have been a House Elf for so long they are struggling to adjust to the notion I could be more (me too!)

I have written a book. It's not published (or even submitted yet) but my secret fantasy is that I might need that dress for an awards ceremony. I'm not telling them that though Grin

OP posts:
Justbreathing · 27/05/2019 12:29

@YesQueen
I love her stuff!! And I would love one. But I have no reason for it.
And this thread has made me think fuck it! Why shouldn’t I have one!!!

Justbreathing · 27/05/2019 12:30

OP
Your stbex sounds like a shrivelled up bitter old git.
HTH!

HuggedTheRedwoods · 27/05/2019 12:30

Not sad at all, we all deserve treats and you sound like you've put everyone else first for a long time. Having a photo taken in it is a great idea - if local studios are expensive check for any groupon type offers in your area (or invite a friend round for a dress up evening and get them to take a photo for you).

AssangesCat · 27/05/2019 12:31

Congrats on losing the equivalent in weight loss of pretty much a whole nother person. Congrats on losing the excess weight of the ex, he doesn't sound fun. Congrats on valuing yourself and your happiness. I imagine your kids had no idea there attitude would bother you as much as it has.

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/05/2019 12:31

I do this with shoes! Walk around in high heels in the house and I feel better. Husband would slag me off constantly about that, and pretty much everything else - one of the many reasons he is now binned - I dont need that negativity any more! You Go Girl

ScottishDoll · 27/05/2019 12:31

I think I was so wobbled by it as the kids were joining in (14 and 11) and that really got to me as they are kind kids normally.

They are a bit old to be behaving that way. You don't need to justify yourself to them. Ask them how they would feel to be spoken about in that manner. Make it very clear that you find it unacceptable. You do need to tell them in no uncertain terms that only bullies make fun of people for their appearance and you do not want bullies in your family. That is why your ex is an ex but you expect better from them and had better not hear them talk about anyone like that again. They are old enough and clever enough to think for themselves and behave appropriately without copying other people's bad behaviour.

Be firm enough about this and you will never have to mention it again!

YesQueen · 27/05/2019 12:32

@Justbreathing I did a Black Friday deal, I have worn them both as I do photoshoots and I love the photos!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/05/2019 12:32

Awh Stripey... How many times have all of us thought I'd love to go to this or that but I have nothing to wear.
Well now you have. Well done on throwing caution to the winds and buying it!!
As pp have said now all you need is to find (or create ) a good occasion to wear it
Forget the rude comment.. What are you supposed to dress in to please him, Sackcloth and Ashes? Also dont blame the kids too much, they tend to comment before they think and were probably just trying to make light of his mean comment. For what it's worth I'd have a gentle word with them, one on one just to say it was unkind and a bit hurtful - which I am sure they never meant to be.
Congratulations on writing your book. This is the start of a new era for you - best of luck

cranstonmanor · 27/05/2019 12:33

My exMIL used to dress up on sundays. She wasn't religious, just wanted the excuse to dress up and look fancy. I thought that it was a great idea.

RoyalChocolat · 27/05/2019 12:33

Not sad at all.

I own a full-length silk ball gown. I have never been to a ball, nor do I intend to.
I sometimes try it on and it makes me feel great.

Congratulations for the weight loss! Flowers

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/05/2019 12:33

ps. I wasn't saying you should dress to please him, but rather what was he implying you should wear. (rhetorical)

TheVanguardSix · 27/05/2019 12:34

I have a friend who has no reason to wear her old finery collecting dust in the wardrobe other than to gatecrash weddings at our local historical house (I LOVE that she has the chutzpah to do this). She just rocks up in a frock and pretends she's been invited to the reception. Grin

So there's a good use for your lovely frock, OP.
I feel your plight, by the way. I have no nice dresses at all. Everything is so sensible, comfortable, and dog friendly. I wouldn't no what to do with a prom dress. But there's something glorious about a beautiful gown. Enjoy it!

Darkstar4855 · 27/05/2019 12:34

No, you are not sad.

When I was struggling to get pregnant I bought a really nice maternity dress in an attempt to make myself feel more positive and stop focusing on the worry that it would never happen.

It was a lovely feeling when I finally wore it.

Heymummee · 27/05/2019 12:35

How cruel to call you sad. There’s nothing wrong with it, you like the dress and it made you feel happy so why not. You also never know when you might need it, so there Smile

TheVanguardSix · 27/05/2019 12:35

I wouldn't know what to do... not no. Blush

Justbreathing · 27/05/2019 12:35

Have a party! Tell everyone to dress fancy! Everyone wants to do it. Just no one has the guts. Everyone will love it.

PaddingtonsHat · 27/05/2019 12:35

Sounds like just the thing to wear to a divorce party...

Redcrayons · 27/05/2019 12:39

I think we've got to see a pic of the dress now.