Am i 'sad' for buying a dress i have nowhere to wear?

[StripeyChina]

I have been physically disabled for 15 years now.
Lots of weight gradually crept on over that time. For some years
I have been unable to work due to a combi of mine and dc disabilities.
I was broke and fairly housebound so lived in jeans and asda fleeces.
(not a 'tiny violin' fact, just the way it was)

I got a job last Sept and needed some smarter clothes so I bought some (ALL from charity shops). Sadly, I have just been dismissed because work say my disability renders me 'unable to fulfil my role'. (ACAS advise a disability discrimination case should be brought)

To cheer myself up last week, I bought a 2nd hand silver Prom dress. Clearly, I have (and will have) nowhere to wear it. But it looks lovely.

I bought it as I have tried really hard re my weight and managed to lose 7st over 2.5 years and I just wanted to feel glamorous (for £35)
At the weekend I was talking to my dd about it. STBEX called me 'sad'.
Kids (kind of) joined in. I felt very tearful and had a 'private moment'

But I'm worried they are right and I am a saddo?

I think I'd need to see a picture of the dress before comment

Absolutely no way are you sad or is it a waste of money. Everyone needs something beautiful in their wardrobe and you never know when you might actually need a formal dress for an event and now you will have one ready and waiting rather than panic shopping or turning down an invite due to having 'nothing to wear'

Enjoy your dress! And ignore everyone else.

You're not sad at all. But you should totally find a way to wear it. Organise a posh night out, or if you can't do that throw your own party and ask people to dress up.

Treat yourself, love. Enjoy. I have a couple of dresses I dont know if I will ever wear. Who cares. They give ME pleasure.

This thread has made me smile. I've got a few bits I've bought and never worn (and never likely to) A Ghost full length midnight blue gown for one. Gonna crack on and wear them around the house now.

And, OP... 7 stone? Wow!

I did the vacuuming in a floor length cream silk backless dress recently. To very loud 80s music.

Do what makes your heart sing :)

You're not sad at all, and it's awful of your parter to do that - your children will likely not realise that their father is laughing at you instead of with you, hence them joining in.

I have a long sleeved bodycon navy glittery dress that I'm in love with but never wear outside or in front of people. I usually go for classy, understated gowns for events but I LOVE this dress - it's so glittery I keep it in a zip-loc as it makes everything sparkle. My dh doesn't even know of it's existence because he'd push me to wear it outside - but it's just for me to enjoy. You go for it! And I'm sorry to hear about the job, sounds like you've been so strong over the years and have nothing to be ashamed of.

I have a beautiful pair of shoes that I can only wear in the house because they are so high.

I love love love them. They bring me joy.

I am not sad.

You ex is an arse . You know that.

Buying something that makes you feel good is never sad

And who knows, maybe you will have an occasion to wear it one day. Channel the film "Field of Dreams" - "Build it and they will come"

Firstly well done on your weight loss OP that's an amazing amount to lose! (I have a couple of stone to lose so any tips gratefully received . Secondly you deserve to treat yourself to something nice. So what if you never wear it? It making you happy is the main thing,so sod what anyone else thinks!

I once read an interview with the editor of French Vogue who said that if you find something you love, buy it, as the opportunity to wear it will come along eventually. Whereas if you wait until you have an occasion, you will get something in a rush that you don't love and never wear it again. Granted I don't have quite the budget or lifestyle of the editor of French Vogue, but I still think it's good advice!

I really want to buy proper ballet shoes just because I like them (not ballet pumps!) and not because I actually want to go to the effort of doing actual ballet.
I've stopped myself actually getting any buy every few years I look at them.

If you're sad, then so am I!

I am not comparing you to her! but I remember reading a book years ago about a charlady "Mrs Harris goes to Paris" who saved enough money to get a design dress from Paris - its a lovely/sad/happy book from may memory (decades ago!) but clothes are always about practical use (or why would anyone want stilettoes) they are about making you feel good & celebrating - absolutely -blimming -likely!

There was a thread earlier this year by a lady up in the north of Scotland who’d bought a lovely green lace dress with nowhere to wear it too. Most of the thread was a discussion of where she should wear it!

So OP, you have your frock, where will you wear it to be fabulous?

You are not sad and you are definitely not alone. Everyone has stuff in their wardrobe that really should go to the charity shop but doesn’t because it’s beautiful and you love owning it. I have a sequin dress that I can’t fit into and probably never will. And on the only day that I ever did get into it for an event I couldn’t sit, stand or walk properly in it as it is cut tight and doesn’t have a split in the skirt. And it can’t be washed or dry cleaned. I won’t part with it because at that one event I looked fucking sensational.

Where do you live OP? If you are local I’ll take you out!

It sounds beautiful. It's amazing how different lovely clothes can make us feel.

This reminds me of a beautiful little book that I read as a child; Flowers for Mrs Harris, by Paul Gallico. It's a more extreme version of the same urge towards beauty - just because beauty - and the pleasure it can bring.

On condition that you wear your silver dress !

WEAR THE DRESS!

There are some great threads on not saving things for best but making the most of luxuries every day. Search "save for best"
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1511974-Help-me-stop-saving-my-clothes-for-best
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1890167-Saving-nice-clothes-for-best-why-cant-I-kick-this-habit
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1775750-Keeping-things-for-best-holding-on-to-things

Book tickets for a show and dress up and have a blast, dress up for tv awards nights - Oscars, Eurovision etc all a great reason to couch party. Have Agatha Christie movie night or Murder Mystery dinner parties. The possibilities are endless, just don't clean the bathroom in it in case you get bleach on your nice dress

As for your ex well thank goodness he is ex. People only talk others down like that because they are controlling abusive arseholes you know. Make sure your children know this in appropriate terms. Be sure to continue educating your dc out of bullying behaviour, do not stand for that in any form from them.

Good luck with ACAS.

Oh, I see I'm not the first person to think of Mrs Harris

Hey lottie snap :) did you know (just been checking good read !) that there were other books in the series!

Not sad at all.
But i would use it as the inspiration to find somewhere to wear it. Just have a look around locally to see if there is an event happening, where you could wear it.
You don't have to go out with a fortune in your pocket, enough for a little drink or 2 and a nice evening just for yourself to say you've done it !!!!!

You just need to create an occasion to wear it. Murder mystery dinner party ( boxed game from eBay or car boot or charity shop) news years party theme silver etc...

You sound wonderful. Don’t let your ex bully you - just ignore that prat. However I would have a serious one off word with your kids to tell them it’s not ok to bully you for trying to do one tiny thing to feel good about yourself! Xx

Well now you need to find an occasion to wear it.

I once bought a dress in top shop that would have been perfect for a beach wedding. At the time I was single and have never had any inclination to get married on a beach. it was gorgeous, I wore it round the house a couple of times.