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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am i 'sad' for buying a dress i have nowhere to wear?

221 replies

StripeyChina · 27/05/2019 10:55

I have been physically disabled for 15 years now.
Lots of weight gradually crept on over that time. For some years
I have been unable to work due to a combi of mine and dc disabilities.
I was broke and fairly housebound so lived in jeans and asda fleeces.
(not a 'tiny violin' fact, just the way it was)

I got a job last Sept and needed some smarter clothes so I bought some (ALL from charity shops). Sadly, I have just been dismissed because work say my disability renders me 'unable to fulfil my role'. (ACAS advise a disability discrimination case should be brought)

To cheer myself up last week, I bought a 2nd hand silver Prom dress. Clearly, I have (and will have) nowhere to wear it. But it looks lovely.

I bought it as I have tried really hard re my weight and managed to lose 7st over 2.5 years and I just wanted to feel glamorous (for £35)
At the weekend I was talking to my dd about it. STBEX called me 'sad'.
Kids (kind of) joined in. I felt very tearful and had a 'private moment'

But I'm worried they are right and I am a saddo?

OP posts:

cosytoaster · 27/05/2019 11:43

Well done on losing the weight
Even bigger congratulations on getting rid of such a nasty partner 3.
No you're not sad - why is it sad to buy something that makes you happy?

The same argument could apply to art, flowers, theatre etc....not strictly necessary but life enhancing...the difference between just existing and living. And don't take any shit off your kids either!

Jas0510 · 27/05/2019 11:44

Absolutely not!! I would go a step further and do hair/makeup and wear it around the house!

cosytoaster · 27/05/2019 11:44

Apologies for the extra 3, should proof read before posting!

cakeandchampagne · 27/05/2019 11:44

There is nothing “sad” about having a beautiful dress you love!

I hope you get to wear it to a party soon- or even just at home.
Check your calendar- ‘Beautiful Dress Day’ might be Tuesday.

ZoeWashburne · 27/05/2019 11:48

If the only occasion you wear it to is by yourself around your house watching a glamorous old film and drinking a fancy cocktail, it will have been worth it. I have a silk kimono that I wear every morning just to drink my coffee in because for those 15 minutes I feel fabulous. It centres me and reminds me of the importance of self-care. I'm a big believer that everyone should own something that when they feel sad, they can put it on and feel great.

He probably feels threatened now that you are clearly getting to a good place by taking control of your health and gaining confidence. Don't let the haters get you down.

Live well and keep on doing what is good for you because clearly it is working.

Brefugee · 27/05/2019 11:50

Not sad - wear it to cheer yourself up sometime just for no reason.

I knew someone who was so sad at only getting to wear her wedding dress once she just used to wear it around the house - doing the ironing, a bit of light dusting or whatever. Until it didn't fit any more after 3 babies

TonTonMacoute · 27/05/2019 11:50

Sad!?

I think it's an epically brilliant thing to have done!

stucknoue · 27/05/2019 11:51

Simple, you find somewhere to wear it. Get involved in a local charity fundraiser, save up for a cruise once you find another job, take up salsa dancing (not sure of the nature of your disabilities), through a party. I love dressing up too, why shouldn't you be Cinderella just once? My friend lives in the USA and they had a "mom prom" to raise money for domestic violence charities, maybe we should have something like that here with all the funding problems (it wasn't expensive per person but they all got dressed up and had a great time, no men allowed!)

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 27/05/2019 11:53

I'm imagining lots of MNers hauling evening frocks out of their wardrobes to sit around the house in this afternoon

Seriously OP, you've had a stressful time recently, I sympathise. I also know that feeling of thinking you are doing OK, then being blindsided by something like this and feeling a bit embarrassed and ashamed that you may be being silly.

You're not being silly. I hope you can take comfort from the fact that so many of us are saying it, and do similar things! (I wouldn't worry about the "find a special occasion to wear it" either, if you're like me this probably won't be happening )

What I would say is wear the dress whenever you want, even to the shops, but also perhaps treat yourself to something gorgeous to wear round the house - nice pyjamas or luxurious dressing gown? eBay has loads of things like this much more cheaply than the shops. Then you can feel more cheerful every day

I've also been a bit housebound over the last few years and have slowly built a collection of vintage nightwear. The postman always compliments me on my outfits when I answer the door like this half the time I do wear tatty old PJs but when I feel the need I wear my "glamorous" things. I'm probably more Barbara Cartland than Greta Garbo but it makes me feel happier.

I've also realised the futility of saving things "for best" - getting out of the house is a celebration in itself these days, the other day i wore a flouncy strapless dress to Asda for this reason. I'm a little embarrassed to say this as I think it does make me look stupid but I bought a bottle of wine so people might think I was on my way to a party. I don't even drink

Enjoy your dress OP, and all MNers now dressed up to the nines!

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2019 11:53

You're clearly not sad, but the situation would be sad if you don't find somewhere, sometime to wear it, even if it's just ordering a lovely takeaway and drinking some Prosecco at home. It would be sad to keep it Hidden in the wardrobe.

SkintAsASkintThing · 27/05/2019 11:54

Yabu to not wear it.

You're worthy of a pretty dress, now you need to find somewhere to wear it.

YesQueen · 27/05/2019 11:55

Here is something I bought which was not cheap but I absolutely adore it

Am i 'sad' for buying a dress i have nowhere to wear?

ginghamtablecloths · 27/05/2019 11:55

The dress serves a purpose as it makes you feel good - and in your present circumstances that's priceless, I'd say.

M3lon · 27/05/2019 11:56

Wear it to the shops!

I've worn everything from pyjamas to a ball gown to my local sainsburys its fine!

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 27/05/2019 11:57

YesQueen that is gorgeous!

OP, also, he is an ex husband for a reason, I'm guessing? Maybe as he was a bit of a twat? So why should you give two fucks what he thinks?

Binglebong · 27/05/2019 11:58

Serious envy of Yes.

stayathomer · 27/05/2019 11:59

People say it's sad to do certain stuff, e.g. adult colouring books, going to cinema on your own etc. I think these people font understand grabbing/enjoying life or only do what's expected of them. When I'm on my own I dance about sometimes, I also put on make-up in the evening just to feel good about myself. All may be sad, but feck it!! Enjoy the dress OP. ( Next time someone calls you sad, the answer is a pretty, but satisfying ' well I think it's sad you don't know how to enjoy yourself,' then come on here, we'll back you up!)

stayathomer · 27/05/2019 11:59

That was petty not pretty!!!

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 27/05/2019 12:01

Not sad at all. You don't need a purpose for something you find beautiful, and your ex is an arse for reacting like that (guess that's why he's an ex). BUT perhaps finding an occasion on which to wear it could be one of those little goals you set to work towards?

Isatis · 27/05/2019 12:07

Tell STBX that you bought it for the mega celebration you're going to have when you get the decree absolute. If any child dares to join in with him, tell them you will also be wearing it to celebrate kicking them out.

Starlive23 · 27/05/2019 12:09

No no not at all, you've hardly broke the bank have you, and who knows maybe one day you will have the perfect occasion for such a dress. You are definitely not BU, if I counted all the pre-baby clothes I bought but never wore I'd probably be horrified, but that's life.

You are definitely not a saddo!

Triskaidekaphilia · 27/05/2019 12:09

Not sad at all. When I was a teen, my mum agonised over buying a dress that was a lot more what she'd normally spend because she didn't know when she'd wear it. But the dress was beautiful and she looked stunning in it. She managed to wear it to her 40th birthday by making the theme fit the dress. So I agree to finding somewhere to wear it!
I bought a fairly cheap (reduced down to £17.50 from around double that) nice dress for a work event which got cancelled and knew I could do with sending it back as it's maternity and I doubt I'll have a sudden oppurtunity to wear it in the next 2 months. But if there is an event that suits it in a potential future pregnancy, I know I would regret having sent it back, so I didn't.

MrsMozartMkII · 27/05/2019 12:10

Not in the slightest bit sad lass!

You wear it and enjoy it. Bugger what anyone else thinks or says.

prisscalledwanda · 27/05/2019 12:10

Not sad AT ALL. Having nice clothes which you love despite no current occasion to wear them is actually pretty normal, as this thread is evidence to.

Ignore the haters. Feel proud of your weight loss. Enjoy your dress.

Justbreathing · 27/05/2019 12:11

@YesQueen
Is that Rosie corsetry?
Amazing!!! I would just waft about in that for the hell of it!

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