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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am i 'sad' for buying a dress i have nowhere to wear?

221 replies

StripeyChina · 27/05/2019 10:55

I have been physically disabled for 15 years now.
Lots of weight gradually crept on over that time. For some years
I have been unable to work due to a combi of mine and dc disabilities.
I was broke and fairly housebound so lived in jeans and asda fleeces.
(not a 'tiny violin' fact, just the way it was)

I got a job last Sept and needed some smarter clothes so I bought some (ALL from charity shops). Sadly, I have just been dismissed because work say my disability renders me 'unable to fulfil my role'. (ACAS advise a disability discrimination case should be brought)

To cheer myself up last week, I bought a 2nd hand silver Prom dress. Clearly, I have (and will have) nowhere to wear it. But it looks lovely.

I bought it as I have tried really hard re my weight and managed to lose 7st over 2.5 years and I just wanted to feel glamorous (for £35)
At the weekend I was talking to my dd about it. STBEX called me 'sad'.
Kids (kind of) joined in. I felt very tearful and had a 'private moment'

But I'm worried they are right and I am a saddo?

OP posts:
SignedUpJust4This · 27/05/2019 12:40

Wow! That's amazing. Wear it everywhere if it makes you feel good. Get a friend to take some nice photos of you in it even if you can't afford pro. Tell your children why it's important to you and next time they act like that tell them they are unkind and hurt your feelings. Children are sometimes to self absorbed to consider the feelings of others. There must be an event you've always wanted to go to? Could you start planning an opportunity to wear it? Or at least send us a pic on here?

MollyWindley · 27/05/2019 12:44

it's not in the least bit sad, and you need to get on and enjoy this dress it'll be good for your kids as well, you don't want them catching the small and shrivelled attitude of your soon to be ex, let them see you revelling in a bit of beauty and glamour! There's a lovely blog by a lady called Vintage Vixen, she swans around everywhere in vintage clothing especially beautiful dresses, have a look at it I find it inspirational.

Cherrysoup · 27/05/2019 12:50

Your ex is an idiot.

My mil used to wear a hat I wore for a wedding when she came to stay: she loved it.

TinselAndKnickers · 27/05/2019 12:50

Sounds like just the thing to wear to a divorce party...

Yes combined with a new job celebration!!

Sod what anyone thinks OP, I think it's lovely and I'm going to do the same.

mumwon · 27/05/2019 12:50

I love the idea of a murder party -we have done them their fun - based round a dinner party (it could be pizzas! or bring a dish) & invite ex - as victim :) or do a tea party in garden :) *than you can buy a hat!

Spudlet · 27/05/2019 12:51

I have a couple of beautiful evening gowns I probably won't wear again... I'm not getting rid of them though. Sometimes I put them on and pretend I have a glamourous life where I get to wear such things. Never thought of being photoed in them 🤔

Wear your beautful dress. And I'd have a word with your dc too. I doubt they meant to be, but they were unkind to join in with your aresehole ex and they are old enough to be told that. They should know how sad they made you feel.

FreeFreesia · 27/05/2019 12:51

You are awesome. Obviously facing difficulties but got a job, lost weight, wrote a book. You can rock that dress!

LillithsFamiliar · 27/05/2019 12:56

I have a few beautiful dresses that I rarely wear. I hang them in the wardrobe so I see them every time I go in because they're pretty and they make me smile. It's like buying art - you can admire it and it can make you smile. Although wearing it whenever you feel like it, is a good idea too Wink

Willowkoko · 27/05/2019 13:03

Comments can be cruel and it hurts the most when they come from people closest. I'm sorry OP.

Have you thought about a little photoshoot? Nothing big, just take a few photos of yourself in the dress. My SIL designs wonderful eccentric outfits that you couldn't get away with in the school run, so takes a few photos of herself in them.

GCAcademic · 27/05/2019 13:05

Nothing sad about buying something that makes you happy.

There is something very sad and inadequate, though, about someone who sneers at a person who is having difficulties, so I would say your STBEX is projecting somewhat.

Original poster
StripeyChina · 27/05/2019 13:06

This is it:

Am i 'sad' for buying a dress i have nowhere to wear?
OP posts:
DaveCoachesgavemetheclap · 27/05/2019 13:10

No way is that sad! I bought a lovely ve;evt patchwork kimono from ebay which I will probably never wear, but I love it and consider it a work of art!

DaveCoachesgavemetheclap · 27/05/2019 13:10

velvet

DaveCoachesgavemetheclap · 27/05/2019 13:11

Just seen your photo- that is beautiful! Star

ScottishDoll · 27/05/2019 13:12

That's a lovely frock.

Ohnotanothernamechange · 27/05/2019 13:15

It's always handy to have a nice dress because you never know when you will need one. Far better to have one to hand , than be rushing around trying to find one that you like and suits you at the last minute. Speaking from experience!

Autumnbloom · 27/05/2019 13:24

Lovely dress!

When I was dating my husband, he invited over a few friends and we had a ‘black tie’ casino night at his house. Everyone came in their fancy clothes, we had a nice meal and then got the table top casino thing out, it was great fun.

BigChocFrenzy · 27/05/2019 13:24

stripeychina Congratulations on losing so much weight 💐
and on buying something that brings you joy

Your ex is a joy-sucking saddo, so you are well rid

You deserve to wear a dress that makes your heart sing
Get some of your fav food & drink in, choose a good film to watch and wear it for a lovely evening Chez China Smile

(Don't worry about what the kids said - they probably just took their lead on this from him - at their ages, kids tend to be followers ! )

IPokeBadgers · 27/05/2019 13:31

Not sad at all, and well bloody done on the weight loss....that is fantastic achievement!

I agree with Sparklesocks:

"Maybe you could have a formal party at home if you feel up to it, invite some friends over in their best frocks" -

my vote is for pizza, prosecco and party frocks!!! Flowers

LellyMcKelly · 27/05/2019 13:38

My DD bought herself a white bridesmaid dress in a TK Maxx sale for a tenner and wore it with red DM boots and a Levi denim jacket. She looked MAGNIFICENT.

RagingWhoreBag · 27/05/2019 13:40

Ooh what a gorgeous dress!! Love love love it. That will spark joy every time you open your wardrobe.

On the subject of joy, Marie Kondo (famous tidying lady) advises that you keep clothes that spark joy even if they don’t fit or you don’t wear them.

By owning beautiful things that bring you joy when you look at them, you are enriching your life. You may or may not seek out an occasion to wear it, but just by having it you will be happier, so fuck anyone who says you shouldn’t have it!

Sometimes you can repurpose the beautiful thing ie turning a jumper you love into a cushion or using a favourite mug that has a small crack for storing pens etc once it’s not good for its original purpose.

But some things are purely there as decorative items to make us smile, and if your dress is one of those things, embrace it.

Start each day by looking at the sparkles and touching the fabric, imagining yourself swanning about at a glam event, and you will start every day with a smile, on a high.

And I agree about talking to your DCs about their behaviour. They should know better.

BlueGlassesFrames · 27/05/2019 13:44

I bought a dress on sale that I adore, will likely never wear, but having it occasionally taking it out and wearing it for a bit, makes me feel good. You've had a rough time, you deserve to do something that makes you feel good for no reason other than because it makes you feel good.

Redcrayons · 27/05/2019 13:44

Wow that's some dress, and a bargain at £35.

Butteredghost · 27/05/2019 13:50

I think the dress is great OP. And there will be occasions to wear it - it doesn't have to be saved it for the opera or attending the Oscars. What about your or dcs birthdays - even if it's dinner at home or a casual restaurant, get dressed up and make it an occasion.

Craftycorvid · 27/05/2019 13:51

It’s a lovely dress, OP. It’s your ‘lost the weight, written a book, proved myself and ditched my sneering ex’ dress. If you can, get a photoshoot booked to celebrate who you are. As PP have said, invent an occasion to wear the dress. Good luck, you sound amazing!