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Original poster

Family member wants to have a conversation with me about the “wider issues” between us, which I really don’t want to have - who has the final say on something like this

372 replies

Desolate1 · 27/05/2019 08:14

We had a big argument about what was supposed to be a joint short holiday this summer.

Long story. And slightly ridiculous were I to write it all down.

This person has repeatedly messaged me about my failings (though she also upset me and I told her this and why), and I have apologised repeatedly at this point.

We have done all of this by message, and now she is saying that unless I have a face to face conversation with her in which we discuss the “wider issues” between us, she is cancelling the holiday.

Can’t tell you how much I don’t want yet another conversation about this, or to be made to feel shit about “wider issues”.

Surely the person who doesn’t want this kind of conversation gets the final say? I feel like I will be forced at gunpoint to talk, and it’s making me feel like running a mile.

OP posts:
lastqueenofscotland · 27/05/2019 08:15

Just say she’s made her point and you won’t be discussing it further

Ghanagirl · 27/05/2019 08:15

Cancel the holiday

TabbyMumz · 27/05/2019 08:16

Don't talk to her if you don't want to, and don't go on the holiday. You are being bullied.

herculepoirot2 · 27/05/2019 08:17

You get to decide. She gets to cancel the holiday.

piffpaffpoff · 27/05/2019 08:17

Easy. Just reply and say “not interested thanks”. Don’t say ‘and go ahead and cancel if you want” because that will become “and Desolate then forced me me cancel the holiday boo hoo”. And then walk away for a bit.

HappyPunky · 27/05/2019 08:17

Have you paid towards the holiday? If she cancels it can you book one with someone who you get on with? From what you've written, cancelling sounds like the best option.

If she wants to speak face to face she needs to listen to you too and not just tell you what you've done wrong.

CrunchyCrumpet · 27/05/2019 08:17

Must admit if you don't have the conversation before the holiday it wouldn't be worth going on in the first place. Why go? Will the money lost be significant enough to have to deal with this family member?

magicBrenda · 27/05/2019 08:19

Just let her cancel.

Wider issues mean - I want to start tearing strips off you for every thing you’ve ever done...

Fuck that

hibbledibble · 27/05/2019 08:19

As above, you can decide not to have the conversation, but equally she can choose not to go on holiday with you. If you want to go on holiday it is probably best to have a constructive discussion. Sending messages is really not the best way forward.

CheddarandCrackers · 27/05/2019 08:20

Well if the holiday isn't already cancelled it would be a snowy day in Hell before I went on that holiday...

This person has repeatedly messaged me about my failings (though she also upset me and I told her this and why), and I have apologised repeatedly at this point

She's upset YOU but you've apologised? No, this crap stops right here. No more apologies, no lists of failings, nothing. End of.

”we’re going to have to agree to disagree”

Eistigi · 27/05/2019 08:20

Why would you want to go on this holiday with them? Let her cancel.

aweedropofsancerre · 27/05/2019 08:21

Why do you want to go on holiday with this person? If your unable to meet face to face to resolve the issues I can’t see any reason why you both should go on holiday. Hiding behind text to get your point across isn’t particularly helpful and allows people to write things they wouldn’t say to people’s face. So either meet or don’t, that’s your choice but I wouldn’t be going on holiday either way.

Original poster
Desolate1 · 27/05/2019 08:21

If she wants to speak face to face she needs to listen to you too and not just tell you what you've done wrong.

She would listen to me. She wants to have a heart to heart, but the more she says it, the more I feel like hiding. Maybe I am unreasonable. This is a close relative.

I wouldn’t lose money at this point, but some of my dc wanted to go and it becomes awkward.

The whole thing has been monstrously blown out of proportion and has now become holiday gate.

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 27/05/2019 08:22

Can’t tell you how much I don’t want yet another conversation about this, or to be made to feel shit about “wider issues”.

Reply this and cancel the holiday

JollyAndBright · 27/05/2019 08:24

Why would you want to go on holiday with this person?

It sounds like she’d be doing you a favour cancelling.
Take your DC’s somewhere else without this person.

Original poster
Desolate1 · 27/05/2019 08:26

Regarding her apologising, she says she wants to but wants to do it face to face.

Part of the problem between us is that she wants a different relationship with me, yet I can be detached and defensive.

I have said that I know that I am not perfect and can we drop it. We could even drop it and go if she actually stopped talking about as enough time would have passed for it to feel less pressured.

But apparently we have to have this conversation and I am being unkind by not wanting to.

Maybe I am being unkind?

OP posts:
Original poster
Desolate1 · 27/05/2019 08:27

talking about it

OP posts:
hopeishere · 27/05/2019 08:28

We need more details! How close a family member?? What was the argument about?

I agree with a pp who said it's just an excuse to tear more strips off you.

herculepoirot2 · 27/05/2019 08:28

It depends what the issue is. She feels there is a reason you can’t go away and just have a good time. Is there?

hopeishere · 27/05/2019 08:29

Do you feel there are "wider issues"??

eddiestanleys · 27/05/2019 08:29

Cancel it yourself, there's no way I would put up with that nonsense

ElspethFlashman · 27/05/2019 08:29

No, she's being a bully.

Cancel. You can make up a story for the kids.

Bluestitch · 27/05/2019 08:31

This is your 15 year old daughter isn't it? You've posted before about how she wants to talk things through with you but you don't want to hear it and you called her a 'relative' then too. Bizarre.

Fairylea · 27/05/2019 08:31

Why would you even book a holiday with someone you don’t get on with like this? Madness.

Fairylea · 27/05/2019 08:31

If it’s your teen dd that changes things quite a bit.... !