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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take their dd home early?

315 replies

twentytimes · 24/05/2019 20:10

I've taken my little sister and 3 of her friends (all 11) away for a few days as a birthday present to my sister. We're 3 hours away.

One of the girls parents apparently made last minute plans to go away as a family on Sunday, we aren't due back until Monday evening.

I think the girl was supposed to come to my mums house, say why she couldn't come and then go home. But she was there when I arrived to pick them up, with her some of her stuff and didn't say anything so I brought her with us as planned.

I finished work early and the girls were all ready so we left earlier than we were going to, the parents of the girl text me once we had already left saying that she couldn't come. I was driving and my phone got passed back to my sister and her friends to play on and I didn't see the message until we had arrived.

I've now spoken to her parents and they've said they need their dd back home to take her away and that they can't come and collect her. This means me driving them home a day early, cutting the trip short for my sister and the rest of her friends and losing the money I've spent on the extra day. My mum has offered to look after their dd for the week they're away, the girl is happy for this to happen.

Obviously her parents are welcome to come and pick her up but I don't want to have to drive her home early as I'm not sure this is my fault.

WIBU to say no?

OP posts:
strawberrypenguin · 24/05/2019 20:12

YANBU they can come and get her if they need her home. She was there at pick up with her stuff and went with you. They need to take responsibility and fetch her.

Pipandmum · 24/05/2019 20:14

Yep agree they need to go collect her.

Changingweather · 24/05/2019 20:15

That is hilarious! I cannot imagine how she ended up getting in the car and driving for 3 hours and at no point saying "I'm actually not coming, by the way"!

Adding it to my list of things to make sure my kids know how to say...

Anyway, nah, I don't think you're in the wrong here. You had no way of knowing this girl was meant to change the plans before departure!

MayFayner · 24/05/2019 20:15

No of course not. They can come and collect her or, if it suits you, you could meet at a mid-point and incorporate that into a day trip for the others.

DeRigueurMortis · 24/05/2019 20:17

It's their responsibility to collect her.

I'm somewhat confused as to why she had her things with her and got in the car with you though, if her purpose was to tell you she couldn't come.

Is it because it was that last minute, in the sense the decision by the parents was made after she'd gone to your mothers? They then sent a text effectively changing their minds but by then you'd set off?

If so they are especially cheeky to be honest. The fact you set off slightly early doesn't matter.

Don't cut your time short. It's not fair on you or the other children.

UnicornBrexit · 24/05/2019 20:18

Legally, you've taken their daughter without permission. You are now refusing to return her. I think you need to think about the ramifications of that.

My mum has offered to look after their dd for the week they're away, the girl is happy for this to happen. As nice as this is, a family is not going to go on holiday without their child, are the y going abroad or is it a UK holiday? can they go a day late?

CodenameVillanelle · 24/05/2019 20:18

They need to come get her.

GinUp · 24/05/2019 20:20

The parents should have told an adult themselves rather than relying on an 11yr-old to pass on the message. It was rude to cancel at the last-minute. The least they could have done was spoken to you to apologise for the change of plans.

It was also a bit mean to send the girl to where she would be able to see all of her friends going off without her. It's no wonder that she didn't speak up.

The parents need to come and collect her themselves.

EnoughLifeLessons · 24/05/2019 20:20

Very weird behaviour from the child and the parents. You are not in the wrong and they can come collect her. Why did she have her things and why did she get in a car? She’s 11!

CodenameVillanelle · 24/05/2019 20:20

Legally, you've taken their daughter without permission. You are now refusing to return her. I think you need to think about the ramifications of that.

Nonsense. She took the child WITH permission. The parents changed their minds but told her after she left. She's not refusing to return the child! The parents are welcome to come and get her.

PepsiLola · 24/05/2019 20:20

No, tell them you have activities planned and it's not your fault their DD didn't tell you she couldn't come!

Send them the postcode of where you are and say see you Sunday x

orangesnapples · 24/05/2019 20:20

Did the girl know she wasn't going?

Cheby · 24/05/2019 20:20

Why are they saying they can’t come and get her?

TixieLix · 24/05/2019 20:21

The girls parents should have taken responsibility for letting your mum know their DD could no longer go. It wasn’t fair to put that on their daughter. Also, why would they send her round with some of her stuff for the trip? What a weird thing to do.

BarbarianMum · 24/05/2019 20:21

OP's not withholding the child Unicorn just refusing to chauffeur her home. A charge of kidnapping isn't going to go v far.

ShawshanksRedemption · 24/05/2019 20:22

On the face of it I'd say no you are not being unreasonable at all to refuse to drive her back. But I'd check where you stand with this legally as the parents have effectively withdrawn their permission for you to have her.

Have they said why they can't come and collect her?

Original poster
twentytimes · 24/05/2019 20:22

I dont have the full story either but I think the girl knew she wasnt supposed to come but wanted to so just did hoping her parents wouldn't cause a fuss once she was already here.
I think my sister and the rest of the friends were told and helped her to do this but this has been denied.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 24/05/2019 20:24

I think the girl was supposed to come to my mums house, say why she couldn't come and then go home

Weren't they really worried when she didn't arrive home and didn't hear from you for over 3 hours?

Sexnotgender · 24/05/2019 20:25

How bizarre!

Not your responsibility, parents need to sort it and come get her.

itscallednickingbentcoppers · 24/05/2019 20:25

YANBU!! Lazy fuckers can come and collect her themselves.

CloserIAm2Fine · 24/05/2019 20:25

YANBU they need to come and collect her. They should’ve made sure they actually spoke to you and not sent their child with all her stuff, wtaf! And it’s very odd that the child didn’t say anything when you loaded up the car and drove off!

BumbleBeee69 · 24/05/2019 20:27

omg this is a weird one OP, did the child just get in and say nothing Confused

Pinkprincess1978 · 24/05/2019 20:27

If they had your number to text you they had it to call you. It took three hours to get there so they must have known you had left!

They need to come and collect her if they want her that badly.

DeRigueurMortis · 24/05/2019 20:28

If it was my child, of course I'd collect them.

They made a last minute decision and if the child didn't tell you she wasn't supposed to come it's her fault.

I'd be embarrassed tbh and certainly would not expect the other children and an adult whose done a very kind thing to lose a day of their holiday because my child had lied.

A compromise has already been offered re:childcare and if they don't want to take that up they need to collect her.

WMPAGL · 24/05/2019 20:28

I smell an 11 year old plot! The girl was there with her things, failed to pipe up for the whole journey and none of them alerted you to the text while they were playing with your phone during the drive? Yes, all sounds very accidental! Hmm

I have no idea what the position is legally but I agree that it is extremely unreasonable of the parents to expect you to alter plans for literally everybody else because their daughter failed to tell you of the change of plans. Also bizzare to text you the last minute change of plan rather than ring you to ensure everyone was in the same page.

Tell them they are welcome to come and pick her up, but it's simply not possible to disrupt everyone else's plans in order to fix their family's last minute change of plan and compounding failures of communication.