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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take their dd home early?

315 replies

twentytimes · 24/05/2019 20:10

I've taken my little sister and 3 of her friends (all 11) away for a few days as a birthday present to my sister. We're 3 hours away.

One of the girls parents apparently made last minute plans to go away as a family on Sunday, we aren't due back until Monday evening.

I think the girl was supposed to come to my mums house, say why she couldn't come and then go home. But she was there when I arrived to pick them up, with her some of her stuff and didn't say anything so I brought her with us as planned.

I finished work early and the girls were all ready so we left earlier than we were going to, the parents of the girl text me once we had already left saying that she couldn't come. I was driving and my phone got passed back to my sister and her friends to play on and I didn't see the message until we had arrived.

I've now spoken to her parents and they've said they need their dd back home to take her away and that they can't come and collect her. This means me driving them home a day early, cutting the trip short for my sister and the rest of her friends and losing the money I've spent on the extra day. My mum has offered to look after their dd for the week they're away, the girl is happy for this to happen.

Obviously her parents are welcome to come and pick her up but I don't want to have to drive her home early as I'm not sure this is my fault.

WIBU to say no?

OP posts:

Cariadne · 24/05/2019 21:01

Yanbu, it’s up to them to sort it out!

Haffdonga · 24/05/2019 21:02

Meet half way and ask them to contribute to your additional petrol. You lose out half a day and the girls who planned it miss a fun activity as punishment.

Listlover · 24/05/2019 21:03

Wow, this is quite a conundrum.
If it was me as the mother I’d make the journey but if both of you are saying you can’t who’s going to give in?

sackrifice · 24/05/2019 21:04

They've just said they've tried but can't fit in a 6 hour trip.

Lol. If they want her they need to get off their arses and come get her.

How the hell did she have all her stuff if she wasn't coming with you?

Cariadne · 24/05/2019 21:05

So you've taken four 11 year old girls away without ensuring you had the permission of all the parents

There’s always one mumsnet arsehole who deliberately chooses to misinterpret the OP so they can have a sneer! OBVIOUSLY she had permission. If that permission is revoked and nobody told her, how is it her fault? Or is she supposed to text every fifteen minutes for confirmation that it’s still ok?

SleepingStandingUp · 24/05/2019 21:05

Also how long have they been arguing with you? Thry needed to be in the car as soon as they realised

bridgetreilly · 24/05/2019 21:05

It's their daughter's mistake, so I think it's on them to sort it out. But I might try and compromise by offering to bring her and meet them somewhere halfway?

Original poster

twentytimes · 24/05/2019 21:10

They other girls have denied being involved so I have no proof, it just seems likely they were.
It's probably because I'm not a parent and get to give them all back but I don't really want to have to punish them or teach them a lesson, I don't think its my place to anyway.

OP posts:

LL83 · 24/05/2019 21:10

Appalling attitude of parents. Just say "I have also tried and cannot fit in a 6 hour trip either."

Playmytune · 24/05/2019 21:11

All very well saying turn around and go back tomorrow or Sunday. That might be fine for ops sister or her friend who’s going away, but what about other girls? Their parents are expecting their daughters to be away till Monday and in all likelihood have made their own plans for the long weekend (maybe away on a romantic weekend seeing daughter is away)!! Not fair on them.

Sorry but think the onus is on girl's parents to collect her, irrespective of whether other girls knew. Would maybe punish them by cancelling an activity if you find out they have planned it between them. Any other punishment should be dealt with by parents when they get home on Monday.

Stiffasaboard · 24/05/2019 21:13

Nightmare for everyone actually to be fair as the girl has directly gone against her parents instructions by the sound of it.

Not your fault but not theirs either

Ultimately though I think they need to get her or change their travel plans as assuming you are the only adult in your group, you can’t take all the other girls on a six hour round trip to return her (or even a three hour round trip to meet them half way really).

Maybe they could go a bit later and you come home a bit sooner and split the difference?

Whatever happens I assume this girl is in a fair bit of trouble. Is she aware how much drama she has caused?

And weren’t the parents worried when they got home and she was missing?

lyralalala · 24/05/2019 21:14

Is there a train she can get? Get them to paypal you the money and you can put her on the train and they can collect her? She's old enough for that.

Summerorjustmaybe · 24/05/2019 21:14

Hardly fair to cut the others trip short when the conniving one is going back to go on another holiday!

timeisnotaline · 24/05/2019 21:15

I don’t think I’d drive all the way back. Halfway maybe.the parents do need to own this. Their daughter, their slack parenting that let her get away with it. Their cheeky last minute holiday booking! The other 11yos are just accessories.

YouBumder · 24/05/2019 21:15

The parents are lazy fuckers. THEY should have told you she couldn’t come instead of leaving it to her and being doubly lazy by not coming for her.

floraloctopus · 24/05/2019 21:16

YANBU they need to come and collect her and refund you any money that you have paid for her to be there when she's not going to be there.

YouBumder · 24/05/2019 21:17

Not your fault but not theirs either

It is their fault. Lazy and lax parenting.

SnipSnapSnip · 24/05/2019 21:17

I echo what everyone else says, it’s the stowaway’s parents responsibility to get her home not yours. But if you were feeling nice you could meet halfway or deliver her to a bus station.

also not smiling at their sneaky plan, like the responsible adult that I am

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/05/2019 21:17

leaving a day early seems reasonable.

No it bloody doesn't!

Why should everybody else miss out on a day of their break, and the OP effectively loathe money she's paid to treat them, because one little monkey has not carried a message, and other little monkeys have colluded with her?

It was up to the parents to contact OP to let her know that their DD wasn't going on the trip - not leave it to a kid to carry the message.

If they want her on holiday (and obviously they do), let them come and get her.

stoplickingthetelly · 24/05/2019 21:17

Can’t believe a bunch of 11 year olds actually had the nerve to pull this off. Hilarious! This is the best thing I’ve read on mumsnet for ages. Sorry OP, no help at all but agree with others saying it’s the parents’ responsibility to collect their child.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 24/05/2019 21:18

If that was my daughter I’d drive through the bloody night if I had to and collect her immediately. She wouldn’t be allowed to enjoy any of the trip. They’re letting really devious behaviour go unpunished and are actually rewarding her.

Not your problem OP. Either the parents get themselves down to you or you take her back when you’re finished your break away.

stoplickingthetelly · 24/05/2019 21:18

What on earth did these kids think would happen once they were found out??? 😂

AlwaysCheddar · 24/05/2019 21:20

They need to pick her up! What CFs!!

NoFucksImAQueen · 24/05/2019 21:20

the coach idea is actually not a bad one. at 11 I was catching the train and took a flight to Scotland alone to see my dad. maybe worth asking the parents if it's an option?

mummymayhem18 · 24/05/2019 21:21

Blimey, what a nightmare. Don't think you should take her home. Bit cheeky aren't they x

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