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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take their dd home early?

315 replies

twentytimes · 24/05/2019 20:10

I've taken my little sister and 3 of her friends (all 11) away for a few days as a birthday present to my sister. We're 3 hours away.

One of the girls parents apparently made last minute plans to go away as a family on Sunday, we aren't due back until Monday evening.

I think the girl was supposed to come to my mums house, say why she couldn't come and then go home. But she was there when I arrived to pick them up, with her some of her stuff and didn't say anything so I brought her with us as planned.

I finished work early and the girls were all ready so we left earlier than we were going to, the parents of the girl text me once we had already left saying that she couldn't come. I was driving and my phone got passed back to my sister and her friends to play on and I didn't see the message until we had arrived.

I've now spoken to her parents and they've said they need their dd back home to take her away and that they can't come and collect her. This means me driving them home a day early, cutting the trip short for my sister and the rest of her friends and losing the money I've spent on the extra day. My mum has offered to look after their dd for the week they're away, the girl is happy for this to happen.

Obviously her parents are welcome to come and pick her up but I don't want to have to drive her home early as I'm not sure this is my fault.

WIBU to say no?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 25/05/2019 20:37

I think this is a very good outcome. Had the parents actually asked to organise collecting their dd one day earlier due to a family event they thought they couldn’t attend and now could you’d quite possibly have been happy to oblige. It does sound rather fishy though. You are definitely being lied to. Probably by everyone including the parents.

Well done for standing your ground. I imagine it has been difficult with parents. And the excuse of not sending the text sooner is pathetic.

youarenotkiddingme · 25/05/2019 20:41

You sound sensible.

Not worrying about phone whilst driving.
Ringing to face the music when you did rather than text and avoid difficulty.

And not 100% believing a bunch of 11yo whatever they say Grin

GabsAlot · 25/05/2019 21:13

Good theyre making the effort but still wrong to pull dd out of an arranged trip to go somewhere else couldnt she have just missed the family event?

I think she knew exactly what she was doing and thought as her parents werent there a the time she could get away with sneaking off

Acis · 25/05/2019 22:57

If I have someone elses children with me you'd better believe I'd be pulling over and checking my messages.

Why, CJ? It might be some innocuous text from a friend. You might end up pulling over several times during the course of the journey for no sensible reason whatsoever. If someone texts you the implication has to be that it's not urgent. Some phones won't send notifications through whilst you're driving anyway.

Acis · 25/05/2019 23:04

I would never be uncontactable when I am in charge of someone else's children or my children are with someone else

Turning text notifications off doesn't make you uncontactable.

IncrediblySadToo · 25/05/2019 23:21

If they didn’t think any of them would be able to go, why is it such a big deal that she now has to go?

‘They have work & other children to sort’

YOU had your sisters birthday weekend to sort, her & 3 friends.

If it was that important one of them should have taken a days leave, not expected Grandad & you to sort it out for them. If they couldn’t take she could have stayed with you, then your Mum.

I really do not see why YOU should have spent two hours and a good bit of petrol sorting this out for them.

They’re incredibly rude.

CJsGoldfish · 26/05/2019 00:45

CJ
I would also never be uncontactable when my dd is with someone else or I have someone else’s kids. But I don’t consider stopping to check texts necessary as anything urgent should be over the phone. My phone is connected to my car so no need to pull over. No angst from me. I imagine your need to stop and read texts immediately to be anxiety based tbh

I'm really not sure why you cannot seem to comprehend my posts.
Not being uncontactable means that notifications are always on when I am in charge of someone elses children.
I would have asked who was texting and absolutely pulled over when safe to do so if it was one of the parents. If it wasn't, then I wouldn't.
My phone is not connected to my car and I prefer texts to phone calls tbh so I'd never question a text over a call.
I can assure you that there is no 'anxiety' involved. I actually cannot imagine anyone who claims to have 'anxiety' taking a bunch of other peoples kids away

BoomBoomsCousin · 26/05/2019 01:17

You really shouldn't answer (or check) a call or a message while you're driving, both are dangerous distractions even with a hands-free unit. My phone goes on silent when I'm driving and I check messages/missed calls at the end of the journey or when I stop for a break. I would be quite annoyed if someone used their phone while driving my children around.

If you know you might have an important message coming through it might make sense to pull over and check whenever your phone pings (or tell your sister who's playing with it to let you know if the message arrives!) but for many people it would be impractical and paranoid to treat every notification as though it were possibly vital and urgent.

Oliversmumsarmy · 26/05/2019 01:51

Surely if you are driving you are uncontactable.

Where are all these places you are supposed to pull over to, to read a text.

You can’t just pull over on the hard shoulder (some motorways don’t have them and it is illegal to stop)

In towns again you can’t just pull over as there are so many yellow lines and cameras

itsnotallbbqsandshrimp · 26/05/2019 05:27

Laughing at the idea of someone pulling over constantly to check text messages just because their kid has a friend over.

CJsGoldfish · 26/05/2019 06:17

Laughing at the idea of someone pulling over constantly to check text messages just because their kid has a friend over

Me too Grin

IHeartArya · 26/05/2019 06:52

Good update OP. You are a kinder person than I am. I wouldn’t be doing the trip at all. Her parents are incredibly rude pulling their daughter out of a pre planned event.

I’d rather my dcs were with the OP sensibly driving than with CJ randomly pulling over to check messages.

steppemum · 26/05/2019 14:11

Oh how very un mumsnetty of you OP!

Reasonable solution, parents found someone to collect, not blaming you for it.
Girls suspected of being in collusion, but no-one is making a drama.

Far too civilised!!!

good solution

by the way - dd is 11 and year 6. About 20% of them have phones. The rest will be getting them over the next 6 months or so as they start secondary. dd doesn't have one.

llangennith · 29/05/2019 14:18

Thanks for the update twentytimes
Nice to know what really happened😊

AutumnCrow · 29/05/2019 15:31

I don't buy the bit about the CF family (min: 2 adults, 3 children) suddenly being picked up and taken to the event by other family members. How big must that other family members' vehicle be? Is it a coach? And then they could all suddenly sleep in the other family members' accommodation??

You did well OP in the face of bullshit!

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