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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take their dd home early?

315 replies

twentytimes · 24/05/2019 20:10

I've taken my little sister and 3 of her friends (all 11) away for a few days as a birthday present to my sister. We're 3 hours away.

One of the girls parents apparently made last minute plans to go away as a family on Sunday, we aren't due back until Monday evening.

I think the girl was supposed to come to my mums house, say why she couldn't come and then go home. But she was there when I arrived to pick them up, with her some of her stuff and didn't say anything so I brought her with us as planned.

I finished work early and the girls were all ready so we left earlier than we were going to, the parents of the girl text me once we had already left saying that she couldn't come. I was driving and my phone got passed back to my sister and her friends to play on and I didn't see the message until we had arrived.

I've now spoken to her parents and they've said they need their dd back home to take her away and that they can't come and collect her. This means me driving them home a day early, cutting the trip short for my sister and the rest of her friends and losing the money I've spent on the extra day. My mum has offered to look after their dd for the week they're away, the girl is happy for this to happen.

Obviously her parents are welcome to come and pick her up but I don't want to have to drive her home early as I'm not sure this is my fault.

WIBU to say no?

OP posts:

blackteasplease · 24/05/2019 20:45

"They can't fit in a 6 hour trip". Ha! Neither can you. Fit it in around what?

IHeartArya · 24/05/2019 20:45

The parents couldn’t be bothered to communicate properly. 11 year old tried it in & won. Their daughter, their responsibility so they should pick up. No way would I take back.

FurrySlipperBoots · 24/05/2019 20:46

11 is big enough to take a train journey alone, if there are no changes and you take her to the station/her parents are there to pick her up. Even if they have to drive an hour or whatever to the station it saves them a longer journey. They should pay for the ticket though!

smallereveryday · 24/05/2019 20:47

It may be very old fashioned but how about you actually call them on your MOBILE TELEPHONE!!! - or perhaps they could if they want their daughter!!!

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 24/05/2019 20:48

They've just said they've tried but can't fit in a 6 hour trip.

I can't for the life of me imagine a situation where if my DD had done that I wouldn't have set off already to go and get her! (with a smidgen of grudging respect for her cunning plan).

Unless they have 16 other children, horrible illhealth or no car, of course.

I'd offer a coach or to return their dd half an hour before their departure time, with the proviso that they reimburse you for your lost time. Were they not at all apologetic?

PutyourtoponTrevor · 24/05/2019 20:49

RTFT windy

adaline · 24/05/2019 20:50

So you've taken four 11 year old girls away without ensuring you had the permission of all the parents?

No. She had permission, the parents changed their minds at the last minute and never told her.

MitziK · 24/05/2019 20:51

Sounds like all of them lied in the hope you'd refuse to take her back early because 'it's not fair on them'.

In those circumstances, I don't think it's right to expect the parents to come and get her, as the girls have all lied - annoying though it is for you, I think the correct course of action is to pretty much turn the car around and take them all back straight away.

Otherwise, they'll just assume that a bit of planning and lying means they'll get what they want, just so long as they make out it's not their fault.

cstaff · 24/05/2019 20:51

Regardless of whether the girls were scheming to get their friend there the responsibility lies with her parents it doesn't matter whether they can make the 6 hour round trip. If they want her back early the onus is on them. Why should lose out.

carly2803 · 24/05/2019 20:51

This has been absolutely planned by the 11 year olds!!

Also the parents are mad- their child, they should fix it!

UnicornBrexit · 24/05/2019 20:52

So your sister, and friends lied. That does put a whole different slant on it doesn't it?

They cant do a 6 hour trip - can you both do 1.5 and meet in the middle ?

Crazycat16 · 24/05/2019 20:53

I can understand the parents having plans and not wanting her to be with you DM for the week (although how very lovely of her to offer) when they have family time away planned but...WTH- why send her with all her stuff if she couldn’t come?
I think the girl knew she wasnt supposed to come but wanted to so just did hoping her parents wouldn't cause a fuss
your sister and her friends is another issue BUT still down to the girl and so it is down to her parents issue to come and get her. Therefore if they don’t want to accept DMs very kind offer it is down to them to pick her up......of leave her, their choice!
You are under no obligation to cut your break short to return her home. If they want her- they should come and get her!
(I know I would feel obliged to collect if my headstrong child had done a similar thing and vanished for a weekend I hadn’t agreed to)

CodenameVillanelle · 24/05/2019 20:53

So you've taken four 11 year old girls away without ensuring you had the permission of all the parents?

of course she had permission. Why would she think it had been revoked unless they told her? She's not a mind reader

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 24/05/2019 20:53

It doesn’t really matter here whether it’s parents changing their mind v v last minute or a 11yr old going against her parents wishes (more likely), it isn’t something you could have predicted or done anything about. I would let them sort it out with their daughter. I’m sure she will be in for some stern words!
They need to come and get her.

WhiteDust · 24/05/2019 20:54

If the other girls were in on it, they deserve to all lose a day and come home early. It will teach them not to mess around like this again.
Bad behaviour all round.

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 24/05/2019 20:56

If one of mine did this I'd be driving straight over to haul them home.

If the others were in on it, in your shoes, I'd be driving everyone back tonight and dropping them all back home with.

They've all taken the piss right out of you, sorry.

youarenotkiddingme · 24/05/2019 20:57

Agree this is hilarious. Not because it's actually funny but more because the girls clearly planned it and didn't tell you and actually pulled it off!

But they still need to come and collect her and punish their DD for deceiving them and you.

MsJaneAusten · 24/05/2019 20:58

Can she get the train back? Dropped off by you at one end and collected by parents at the other end?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 24/05/2019 20:58

I think you need to take them all back a day early and give them all a serious bollocking. They've clearly hatched the whole plot between them and that is no more the fault of the parents who need their kid back than the ones who do.

Sleepsoon7 · 24/05/2019 20:59

Whether the others helped plot it or not I would still say the parents need to pick their daughter up or you agree to meet half way. If my DC had done this I would have driven through the night if need be to get them. Can not understand the parents not telling you properly themselves that their DD could not go and definitely think they are being CFs expecting you to bring her back. I would not cut the holiday short for the others but would be telling their parents what had happened so they knew what had gone on (and could ensure something similar never happened with their DDs)

spicypickel · 24/05/2019 20:59

This reminds me of when I used to ask to stay at my nans house and my parents would say no so id strip of and get into bed pretend to sleep and hope they'd let me stay as I'm "asleep" never worked

SleepingStandingUp · 24/05/2019 21:00

The 11 year old concocted this plan between them. I'd be taking them back early and tell them this is what happens when you lie and deceive your parents. They are old enough to know not to essentially run away with the circus for three days because THEY want to

spicypickel · 24/05/2019 21:00

I was already at my nans house btw

Purpleartichoke · 24/05/2019 21:01

If my kid did this, I would be setting out to pick her up immediately. Even if it meant embarrassing her. I certainly wouldn’t expect the other parent to return her home.

cheeseandcrackers · 24/05/2019 21:01

All seems very odd but I think given the other girls were in on it, leaving a day early seems reasonable. Can you leave really late on Sunday so as to make the most of the days you have? Sounds like a really lovely & generous thing to do for your sister though.

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