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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take their dd home early?

315 replies

twentytimes · 24/05/2019 20:10

I've taken my little sister and 3 of her friends (all 11) away for a few days as a birthday present to my sister. We're 3 hours away.

One of the girls parents apparently made last minute plans to go away as a family on Sunday, we aren't due back until Monday evening.

I think the girl was supposed to come to my mums house, say why she couldn't come and then go home. But she was there when I arrived to pick them up, with her some of her stuff and didn't say anything so I brought her with us as planned.

I finished work early and the girls were all ready so we left earlier than we were going to, the parents of the girl text me once we had already left saying that she couldn't come. I was driving and my phone got passed back to my sister and her friends to play on and I didn't see the message until we had arrived.

I've now spoken to her parents and they've said they need their dd back home to take her away and that they can't come and collect her. This means me driving them home a day early, cutting the trip short for my sister and the rest of her friends and losing the money I've spent on the extra day. My mum has offered to look after their dd for the week they're away, the girl is happy for this to happen.

Obviously her parents are welcome to come and pick her up but I don't want to have to drive her home early as I'm not sure this is my fault.

WIBU to say no?

OP posts:

GruciusMalfoy · 24/05/2019 20:28

I can absolutely see my son chancing his arm like this, and if he did, I'd be mortified and go and pick him up! I wouldn't have sent him on his own to say he couldn't go, the parents should have done that.

cstaff · 24/05/2019 20:29

Definitely their responsibility to reclaim their own child. What a crazy situation.

ChristmasFluff · 24/05/2019 20:31

Just let it lie, let them complain to the Police, let them decide if it is unreasonable, and if they believe it is, theneventually she'll get a lift home in a Police car/van

Smiles all round

lyralalala · 24/05/2019 20:32

Tbh if I thought the four of them had cooked it up between them I'd be tempted to bring them all home tomorrow. They're 11, not 5.

If it is solely down to their DD then they absolutely should come and get her. Not your job to cut your trip short.

DeRigueurMortis · 24/05/2019 20:32

I smell an 11 year old plot

I doubt they've been planning this from birth

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/05/2019 20:32

I think my sister and the rest of the friends were told and helped her to do this but this has been denied.

Hmm that does put a different perspective on it. The girls need to learn consequences. However the parents should definitely have called you. They are the idiots in all this.

PeoniesarePink · 24/05/2019 20:34

I think she was told to come and tell you all she couldn't come, and decided to take a chance and do it!

But that's on them, not you. They should have told you before, and made this all clear to you. Therefore it's on them. I'd text back saying that you're not ruining your sisters holiday and it's up to them to work out how to get her.

sonypony · 24/05/2019 20:34

Could you take her to the train station?

EnoughLifeLessons · 24/05/2019 20:36

If the other girls knew...that puts a different spin on things: You need to find out the truth from the girls and drive their arses back home tomorrow if they lied to you. I mean, the parents are at fault, but you are being played by a bunch of 11 year olds

Merrymumoftwo · 24/05/2019 20:36

If they all knew and conspired so she could come I think you should go home early with them. A lesson in the need to be honest with adults

cuppycakey · 24/05/2019 20:36

YANBU

The parents have options now and the ball is in their court. They need to come and collect her. Why are they saying they can't?

Merrymumoftwo · 24/05/2019 20:37

Would they have seen the message if they had your phone? If so they should have told you. Would they have given you the phone if they called?

Summerorjustmaybe · 24/05/2019 20:37

As the girl lied, her dps need to deal with it tbh.
They want her, they can have her - upon collection she is all theirs!!

Original poster

twentytimes · 24/05/2019 20:38

I'm confused too! We've agreed to not worry about it for tonight and sort it out tomorrow so can't check the details.
It was definately planned by the girl and probably the rest of them as well, she wasnt supposed to bring her stuff.
The parents text me apologising that she couldnt come and hoping the rest of us have a good time, I rang them when we arrived and saw the text. They weren't home yet which is why their dd was able to leave with all her stuff.
They've just said they've tried but can't fit in a 6 hour trip.

OP posts:

lavenderhidcote · 24/05/2019 20:38

I would not drive her back early and I hope you don't. Enjoy your long weekend!

janetforpresident · 24/05/2019 20:39

I can't imagine demanding a group of people cut their carefully planned celebratory trip short because I couldn't be organised enough to plan my holiday more carefully in advance. How entitled are these parents!?

They have to come and get her. I would send them a strongly worded message saying that you have booked and paid for a trip returning Monday and unfortunately you are unable to bring all the girls back a day early as the holiday is paid for and all the other parents have made plans assuming their daughters will be away until then. They will need to collect her.

Merrymumoftwo · 24/05/2019 20:39

In view of that update you should take them back and ensure they are aware it is because of their dishonesty

cuppycakey · 24/05/2019 20:39

They've just said they've tried but can't fit in a 6 hour trip.

Ok, well neither can you. I guarantee they will cave. They will either agree she can stay with your family or they will pick her up. No fucking way would I drive all the way back myself.

TheInvestigator · 24/05/2019 20:40

The last thing you heard from the adults was that everything was fine and plans agreed. You go to collect the girls and she was there with her stuff. She got in the car and off you all went.

You havn’t done anything wrong. If they want her back, they need to go and get her. They should have called you to cancel the plans as soon as they booked that holiday and not sent her along at the last minute. They were being very rude with that and they need to suffer the consequences. One of them can fit in the trip.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 24/05/2019 20:40

Sneaky kids! Bet her parents are mortified.
I think it’s up to the parents to collect but could you meet half way? I know it’s a pain but some kind of compromise?

Windygate · 24/05/2019 20:41

So you've taken four 11 year old girls away without ensuring you had the permission of all the parents?

SavingSpaces2019 · 24/05/2019 20:41

tell them to book her a train ticket and you'll make sure she gets on it.

Summerorjustmaybe · 24/05/2019 20:41

Shove her on a coach?

janetforpresident · 24/05/2019 20:43

As a side note if my daughter did this I would be furious. She is old enough to know that this isn't just a bit mischevious.

It was a bit unkind of them to book their holiday at the last minute meaning she couldnt go on this trip. Presumably she had been looking forward to it

TheInvestigator · 24/05/2019 20:44

Their daughter did this. She planned it and she knew what she was doing. It’s their job to fix it; not yours.

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