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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take their dd home early?

315 replies

twentytimes · 24/05/2019 20:10

I've taken my little sister and 3 of her friends (all 11) away for a few days as a birthday present to my sister. We're 3 hours away.

One of the girls parents apparently made last minute plans to go away as a family on Sunday, we aren't due back until Monday evening.

I think the girl was supposed to come to my mums house, say why she couldn't come and then go home. But she was there when I arrived to pick them up, with her some of her stuff and didn't say anything so I brought her with us as planned.

I finished work early and the girls were all ready so we left earlier than we were going to, the parents of the girl text me once we had already left saying that she couldn't come. I was driving and my phone got passed back to my sister and her friends to play on and I didn't see the message until we had arrived.

I've now spoken to her parents and they've said they need their dd back home to take her away and that they can't come and collect her. This means me driving them home a day early, cutting the trip short for my sister and the rest of her friends and losing the money I've spent on the extra day. My mum has offered to look after their dd for the week they're away, the girl is happy for this to happen.

Obviously her parents are welcome to come and pick her up but I don't want to have to drive her home early as I'm not sure this is my fault.

WIBU to say no?

OP posts:
MonnieMoo · 24/05/2019 21:43

I have to admit that while I sympathise with the stress this just have put you under, this girl is going to dine out on this story for years to come! Little legend monkey!

RestingButchFace · 24/05/2019 21:44

TheInvisableMrsCrane I said exactly the same further up the thread. I would have called the night before or the morning apologising profusely. Actually I wouldn't have cancelled last minute somethi g my dd was obviously looking forward to. So rude.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 24/05/2019 21:44

Stick her in an Uber. Six-hour trip will probably be about £4.20.

MummyParanoia101 · 24/05/2019 21:45

DO NOT GIVE IN!!!!! They are chancing it with you in the hope you'll cave so that they don't have to bother! Bang out of order. Not your mistake! Why should everyone else's holiday be cut short?!

PotteryLady · 24/05/2019 21:47

Is there a train or coach station near by where you could send her back at their expense.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 24/05/2019 21:50

At 11 I was often put on a train to Manchester and met at Exeter. And then did the return a week later. Put her on a train.

goodwinter · 24/05/2019 21:54

Tbh the parents dropped the ball here massively. No way would I be wanting to punish any of the kids for this!

Ok, not a great thing for them all to do, but from an 11yo perspective surely you (especially if you were the big sister, not the parent) can't begrudge them colluding to keep their friend for the big birthday treat instead of a last-minute change of plans.

goodwinter · 24/05/2019 21:55

Sorry OP, my comment wasn't actually directed at you specifically; I meant the general "you" as some people were saying the kids deserve to have their trip cut short because of their little scam.

lanaturnerssmile · 24/05/2019 21:56

I agree if this was my child id be furious and driving straight there to haul her ass home!
What kind of CF’s would expect you to drive her back home early! And allowing her to even stay for one night isnt really teaching her much of a lesson is it? what can they have planned thats so important?

Spotsandstars · 24/05/2019 21:57

They can make a 6 hour trip, they've got at least 30 hours!! As a parent I would be mortified, coming to get her and would ensure she would be bloody regretting her choice to be so disobedient for the next 5 years of her life!!

lanaturnerssmile · 24/05/2019 21:57

Part of me finds it hilarious though!

Heismyopendoor · 24/05/2019 22:00

You can’t fit in that trip either! Don’t cave. They will come for their child, or get you to stick her on a train.

Nikhedonia · 24/05/2019 22:04

It's incredibly rude that they didn't contact you personally to let you know their DD was no longer coming.

Based on that, I'd expect them to come and collect her, or pay for a train fare home for their DD.

BollocksToBrexit · 24/05/2019 22:08

It's the parents' problem, not yours. They need to decide what they are going to do, either pick her up or come up with an alternative. You should not be taking her back.

cstaff · 24/05/2019 22:14

It is that girls parents who are being CF here. They didn't even have the decency to phone or drop around to let you know that the were cancelling the trip so that they could go on a last minute holiday themselves. And now they expect you to drive her home. I don't bloody think so.

Sorry but I have great admiration for the kids pulling this off at 11. Too funny Grin

Handmaid2019 · 24/05/2019 22:14

Very rude of the girls parents! Definitely don't drive her back or even meet half way, why should you?!

TreeSunset · 24/05/2019 22:15

Loving that they snuck their friend on the trip. I’d say coach is a good shout.

Di11y · 24/05/2019 22:15

hmm any chance there's a train that goes somewhere near them with no changes? you put on at one end and they collect at the other?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 24/05/2019 22:15

Never mind "she wasn't supposed to bring her stuff" ... if she wasn't going I'm not sure why she arrived at the pick-up at all

Unless she sneaked off before her parents got back, of course - in which case it really is up to them to get her back, especially as they should have told you she wasn't going rather than leaving it to an 11 year old

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/05/2019 22:17

Unless the trip is a very last minute visit caused by a family emergency and really didn’t have time to call you before hand, the girl’s parents are totally unreasonable. You made a hugely generous offer that they accepted then they made other arrangements at short notice and didn’t even bother to tell you about it until you were on your way. They are the ones who need to fit the trip in to pick her up. The idea that they don’t have time to do it but you - already in the middle of a trip with a bunch of others girls who are allowed to be there - do have time is some pretty screwed up thinking on their part.

(Caveat - I do tend to agree that if you have good reason to think the girls were all in on it you should take them home now, because that’s a huge breach of trust with you and letting them get away with it when they know you know sets you up to be hugely played again, which is a difficult and somewhat risky position to be in when you are responsible for the safety of children. That’s separate from the girl’s parents appalling behaviour, though.)

stiffstink · 24/05/2019 22:30

How rude of the parents to make the 11 year old the messenger (if that bit is true)!

WorraLiberty · 24/05/2019 22:34

Have I totally lost the plot or was there a very similar thread a few months ago, but written by a mum saying her DD had taken her sibling and friend away with similar circumstances?

INeedAFlerken · 24/05/2019 22:35

OF course the girl's parents can fit in a 6 hour round trip.

They just don't want to. Who would?

But they'll have to if they want her home earlier than originally planned, because this wasn't your mistkake, it was theirs. And why should you and the other 3 girls suffer with a shortened holiday so this girl can go off on another holiday?

Tell them they are welcome to collect her.

kateandme · 24/05/2019 22:38

clever girls.cheeky girls though!

QueenOfDarts · 24/05/2019 22:38

It would be unreasonable to punish ALL the girls when the OP has no proof the others were in on it, and even if they were, they probably only knew once she arrived at your mum’s or was in the car. It was the girl’s decision not to tell you she wasn’t allowed, and her parents’ bad and rude decision to only text you to inform you after you’d left or around the time you planned to.