MIL insisting she moves in!

[AlphaOn]

Bit of background I do not get on with my MIL. She's lucky to currently have the weekly visit she insists on having now. She heavily contributed to my PND (8 years ago) and anxiety (now). I have had to go to talking therapies to get my head straight after all the damage she has done in the past. Luckily after the birth of my second DC my DH started to see just how manipulative she could be and we kept her at arms length. I have been civil so my children could have a relationship with their Nanna (or nanny as she calls herself).
My problem now is that after her mother died last year she would like to move in with us "for a month or so" until she buys a place for herself. This has made me physically sick and the stress is killing me. I've told my DH that I would rather have him move out than her move in with us. He keeps saying it probably won't happen but I think shes going to come one week and just not leave.

AIBU to not want MIL to live with us? She's 58. Shes lived alone before

Another one suggesting changing your sofa immediately. Lots of other good advice, but a new sofa that's not nice or easy to sleep on certainly wont do any harm!

I would just keep making excuses on why she can't come. Even if you lie and say you are out but are really at home.

My MIL criticized our fridge size one visit because it wasn't big enough to hold all the salad she bought (she only eats salad, so she can drink at least one bottle of wine a wine and not put on weight - her words), and "What about if I live here? My food won't fit in here!" (Oh god, I shudder at the memory of the shock of hearing her assume she was moving in). Also, her horror when we got rid of the old double bed "but where am I supposed to go?!"

MIA = missing in action

I love my mother in law, I even have a spare room she could stay in, but I would not want her staying for a month. Fuck that for a lark. Stand your ground, she's a nightmare.

I too have a monstrous MIL, she has caused so much trouble (long story) that I no longer see her. My DH and DD still visit her regularly (I have no problem with that). In your situation I definitely WOULD NOT be letting her stay. She's young enough to cope on her own. I would even stop the weekly visits and overnights. Instead can you not as a family travel over to see her? 45 mins is not that far away, and that way you can leave when you want and not have to suffer her in your home and her 'sleepovers'.

Ok my mother is the same. She was abusive to me as a child. I grew up with anxiety and depression. Don't want to bore you but I developed major mental illness. Had therapy. In the end had to cut her out of my life completely, in my twenties as she was responsible for me having a breakdown. My reason my children. Do not make the mistake of thinking she will not behave like this to them, she will. My mothers parents abused her and my dad thought they would not affect me , which they did. If your dh wants to see his mother then do not allow her to come to your home. He can see her elsewhere. You are storing up trouble for your children. Look at "cycle of abuse". Op I am with you" xxx Also, you are right xxxx

For the sake of your DD who is already suffering from anxiety, both you and your DH have to put a stop to this ongoing situation. There's been lots of good advice on this thread, but really it is up to both of you to say enough is enough.

"He keeps saying it probably won't happen"
WHAT? What he should be saying is that it DEFINITELY won't happen.

As is so often the case, you don't have a MIL problem, you have a DH problem. He needs to step up, and decide whether he is primarily a son, or primarily a husband and father.

So, NO, she doesn't move in for a month. No ifs, no buts, just NO.

And these weekly visits have to stop too. And again, your husband needs to get his head out of his arse and tell her this.

I hooe you got sorted AlphaOn