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Original poster

First Date, who pays?

598 replies

DreamsOfDownUnder · 23/05/2019 10:29

So I'm going on a first date on Sunday evening for some food and drinks.

I'm planning on going dutch... I think?

What are people's opinion, man/woman pays/go dutch or do we pay for what we've had.. It's been a while since I've been one!

OP posts:
CatToddlerUprising · 23/05/2019 10:36

Dutch. But if they insist on paying then let them and put down the tip instead

OneThreadOnly0101 · 23/05/2019 10:36

Split it.

SupaNintendoChalmers · 23/05/2019 10:51

It depends if someone says they want to take me out on a date and organises where we are going etc I'd somewhat expect them to pay. But I'd pay my way if that wasn't the case, I'd probably be annoyed if they invited me on a date, took me somewhere expensive and then didn't offer to pay for me.

If you organise it together I'd expect to pay for myself.

If I've invited them to do something, I'd offer to pay for them as well as myself

Original poster
DreamsOfDownUnder · 23/05/2019 10:53

Good to know, we kinda just mutually decided to go for food! I think dutch is the way x

OP posts:
Cariadne · 23/05/2019 11:13

Split it - I think that’s fairest and doesn’t create awkward expectations.

AspiringTeacher · 23/05/2019 11:14

I would EXPECT whoever invited the other person to pay, but I'll always offer half.

If someone asked me on a date and didn't offer to pay, then I probably wouldn't see them again.

Happyspud · 23/05/2019 11:15

Dutch.

22Giraffes · 23/05/2019 11:17

Dutch.

Pinkvoid · 23/05/2019 11:20

I’ve personally never met a man who has ‘allowed’ me to go Dutch. I’m not complaining, I got free drinks out of it! I would always offer but they were adamant I shouldn’t pay so I didn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️.

19lottie82 · 23/05/2019 11:22

I’d expect the man to offer, if I wanted to see them again I would accept on the condition I got it next time. If I didn’t then I would insist on paying half.

Fishywife · 23/05/2019 11:26

My preference would be to split it - equally, not by who had what. However, I hate the "I'll pay, no I'll pay" argument, so I always like to take a trip to the loo at the end of the meal, which gives the other person a chance to get the bill and pay if they want to, and if they don't it is usually a good indication that they are happy to split the bill. If they do pay, and there is a second date, I like to make it clear that that is 'my treat'. This works well with non-date situations as well.

herculepoirot2 · 23/05/2019 11:27

I would always be prepared to pay my half, but I suspect that a man who wanted to see me again would be concerned enough about looking like a tight wad that he would at least offer to pay. I would always insist.

Trebla · 23/05/2019 11:28

Pay your way. I bet he isn't having the conversation about whether he should let you pay for him. Outmoded bollocks. Go Dutch. It's the 21st century.

UnicornBrexit · 23/05/2019 11:30

Who did the inviting?

TBH, if he wasnt paying, I wouldnt be seeing him again. Can't be doing with tight wads

Original poster
DreamsOfDownUnder · 23/05/2019 11:31

@Trebla what makes you think I'm the woman?

I have already said I plan to go dutch. Just asking for people's opinions.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/05/2019 11:31

A good woman offers and a good man pays

I dont like the dutch thing on a first date, shows a lack of generosity on both parts.
If a man pays for the dinner, I'll pay for drinks after/the next date.
Going dutch every time seems more like a friendship than dating

Happyspud · 23/05/2019 11:32

Pink, they weren’t ‘free drinks’. You’re still paying for them daily by fulfilling the role of ‘the woman’.

BadLad · 23/05/2019 11:34

Dutch

Original poster
DreamsOfDownUnder · 23/05/2019 11:35

@UnicornBrexit we were chatting on Tinder and they mentioned meeting up, then we swapped numbers and I bought it up, gave free time (we both have children and jobs). I then asked what they wanted to do and I was asked what I wanted to do and I suggested grabbing a bite, they suggest a quiet pub - so I suggested one as they couldn't come up with one!

So I think it's mutual!

OP posts:
SillyLittleBiscuit · 23/05/2019 11:35

Dutch without a doubt.

Happyspud · 23/05/2019 11:36

Onlyfools, why is the giving and taking of money in the traditional gender roles any way an implication of romance? Stop buying into these mysoganistic social roles that are only there based on the traditional set up of women not being able to earn money themselves. We are not on this earth to be (literally) patronised. By even our partners.

Trebla · 23/05/2019 11:36

Treblawhat makes you think I'm the woman?

Fair play - my own bias is showing.

Still think Dutch is the best way to go though- glad you are.

BadLad · 23/05/2019 11:38

TBH, if he wasnt paying, I wouldnt be seeing him again. Can't be doing with tight wads

You won't pay anything, and you're calling him tight?

Baskerville · 23/05/2019 11:38

A good woman offers and a good man pays

The 1950s are calling. Hmm

Of course you split it. You may not want to see the other person again, and/or they may not want to see you again, so saying 'The next time is on me' is a bit of a red herring. Splitting the bill is egalitarian, civil, and doesn't presume on further dates.

Original poster
DreamsOfDownUnder · 23/05/2019 11:39

@Trebla you were right though, I am the woman! Grin

I like going dutch - seems fair. I certainly don't expect the man to pay.

OP posts: