First Date, who pays?

[DreamsOfDownUnder]

So I'm going on a first date on Sunday evening for some food and drinks.

I'm planning on going dutch... I think?

What are people's opinion, man/woman pays/go dutch or do we pay for what we've had.. It's been a while since I've been one!

Dutch is often the safest bet

how am I a tight wad when I have stated that I would expect to pay if I were the one to ask the bloke out,AND would pay for the second date if he paid for the first so it would even itself out either way

Just ignore him he’s an MRA on every AIBU thread who obviously has major issues with women, who hurt you DecomposingComposers??? 🤧

Aprillygirl

Because you said that you would never ask a man out so the opportunity for you to pay on a 1st date won't occur will it?

Plus, what if there is no 2nd date? Then you don't pay anything.

So, yeah tight wad. How is it ok to expect a stranger to pay for you?

I’m not into money grabbers who are after free food and drink

Well what else would you have to offer anyone? 😂 you sound lovely

50/50. But I wouldn’t want to see any nitpicking of “I didn’t have a starter so I’m not paying for that.”

@formerbabe

No they’re definitely not thankfully, and if they were I wouldn’t be going on a date with any!

Hithere12

Oh here we go. Him? Right. Because no woman could believe that we should expect to pay half or to offer to pay for the whole bill.

I’m sorry but there is absolutely nothing worse than a tight man. I’m saying this as someone who’s current boyfriend was unemployed for nearly 2 years of our relationship so I’m hardly a “gold digger”.

I’ll date someone broke I’d never date someone tight. 🤷‍♀️

So when my current partner was unemployed I covered most our expenses and didn’t care but if he HAD money and was tight I’d find it the most cringeworthy sad thing.

But how is a woman who expects to be paid for not a tight woman?

Why is it being tight to expect to go Dutch but not tight to expect to be paid for?

That makes no sense.

Most people i know dont go on dinner dates before knowing if they like someone, they go for a quick drink or coffee- splitting the cost of two lattes, how miserable that sounds.

I agree, but we are on a thread discussing the OP's situation, and she has said that it's a multi-course restaurant meal which will cost about £100, with a man she hasn't met before. This isn't patting your pockets for coppers to split two Nescafés down the greasy spoon.

He should sort the bill without saying anything. You should offer to pay, but he says it sorted. You offer again. He declines. The End.

If someone was high-handed enough to pay for my meal without asking, I would be deeply unimpressed, just as I would with the kind of girlish gameplaying involved in making completely insincere offers to pay.

There are some worryingly reactionary attitudes on this thread. It's depressing to think that in 2019 women don't ask men out and assess their own worth on whether a man is prepared to fund their food and drink.

There's loads of men around nowadays who are tight as fuck but like to dress it up as they don't want gold diggers. Seriously, they're just average blokes not billionaires....it's totally hilarious. Women arent that desperate for a free glass of pinot grigio cheers!

There's loads of men around nowadays who are tight as fuck but like to dress it up as they don't want gold diggers.

And the women on this thread who think the idea of paying for a date meal is so outrageous it would cause a hole in the space-time continuum?

Because you said that you would never ask a man out so the opportunity for you to pay on a 1st date won't occur will it?
Expecting the inviter to pay does not mean I would not offer to pay my share though.

Plus, what if there is no 2nd date? Then you don't pay anything
Then I'd be quids in. Good init?

So, yeah tight wad. How is it ok to expect a stranger to pay for you?
Because I'm such an amazing person and anyone would be very lucky to have the pleasure of my company

Yes. Hope these men get the measure of you sooner rather than later.

Men who probably still live at home with their mum and drive a 10 year old hatchback and dont have a pot to piss in who bleet on about women being gold diggers are usually big misogynists.

@Hithere12 forgive my ignorance but what is an MRA?

Surely if you offer to pay your way no one will have any reason to call you a gold digger?

Go out expecting some one else to pay for you and get judged accordingly I guess.

@aprill men’s rights activist

That makes no sense

If you think dating, relationships, love and all that jazz all has to make sense and be logical then good luck.

Who said dating and relationships have to make sense?

This is a simple transaction - who pays for a meal.

"That makes no sense*

Your words

When I was dating I insisted on going Dutch if I didn't want to see then again because it was only fair. If I did want to see them again I would still expect to go Dutch but if they insisted on paying but I would accept and then buy it the next time (and if they didn't want to see me again then meh, I got a free meal)

He pays. If I'm expected to pay, I'd be going for a walk instead as I just don't have the money.

My full post @formerbabe

But how is a woman who expects to be paid for not a tight woman?

Why is it being tight to expect to go Dutch but not tight to expect to be paid for?

That makes no sense

Where does it imply that makes no sense relates to dating and relationships?

It clearly relates to judging a man who doesn't pay for a woman as a tight wad but a woman who expects to be paid for as A OK.