Page 24 | First Date, who pays?

DreamsOfDownUnder · 2019-05-23T09:29:49+00:00

So I'm going on a first date on Sunday evening for some food and drinks. I'm planning on going dutch... I think? What are people's opinion, man/woman pays/go dutch or do we pay for what we've had.. It's been a while since I've been one!

KinderSurpriseBump · 27/05/2019 19:29

Oh dear... at least this has been fun

HelenaDove · 27/05/2019 19:32

Did he phone or text you first to let you know he wouldnt be coming or did he behave like some of the men on this thread probably would (and devoid of manners) just not turn up.

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole · 27/05/2019 19:52

I tend to go by whoever asks the other out should pay. However I would always offer half, even if he had asked me. UNLESS he had insisted on going somewhere beyond my budget. In which case yes, I would expect him to pay solely as I had said I couldn't afford it and he had insisted. Though, depending on how he insisted, the insistence might possibly make me..think twice about going with him anyway! This has only ever actually happened once though, and the reason for the insistence was that he had tickets at some theatre place nearby, so he said it made more sense to go there, was totally loaded too so saw money as..well nothing. The night went OK, but it all fizzled out quite quickly, mainly as I couldn't get used to this insistence that money was no issue, even though for him, money really wasn't an issue. I have no issue in people paying if they want to, however, as I said, would offer (in usual circumstances) to pay my share. Also fuck those men who think if they insist on paying then you owe them sex. Had one of those too, yuck..

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 27/05/2019 19:55

Did he phone or text you first to let you know he wouldnt be coming or did he behave like some of the men on this thread probably would (and devoid of manners) just not turn up.

Such bitterness

HelenaDove · 27/05/2019 20:28

Whatevs Mr Kyle

RedPink · 27/05/2019 20:37

Doesn't matter anyway - he bailed^ 😂

Maybe he found about this thread..... and decided it was all too complicated and has now given up dating forever.

Original poster

DreamsOfDownUnder · 27/05/2019 20:43

@HelenaDove he text me apparently he has gallstones, it's probably a creative excuse but it might be true!

OP posts:

Original poster

DreamsOfDownUnder · 27/05/2019 20:46

@RedPink I probably would have shown him this thread as a talking point

OP posts:

Honeyroar · 27/05/2019 20:46

Oh no!

HelenaDove · 27/05/2019 20:50

that is very painful.

Pa1oma · 27/05/2019 20:56

Sorry to hear that OP - after all that The gall of the man!
Has he rearranged though?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 27/05/2019 21:43

The gall of the man!

tenor.com/GLKQ.gif

Original poster

DreamsOfDownUnder · 27/05/2019 22:15

@Pa1oma not yet, but he did message thks morning!

Saying that, I'd rather he didn't. Apparently ny friend knows his family and they are pretty unsavoury characters!

OP posts:

RhiWrites · 29/05/2019 12:27

It’s a real shame that so many women get so defensive about this kind of thing... so all they can do is resort to the usual stereotypes that all such behaviours are indicative of misogyny... I genuinely can’t imagine any man I know who wouldn’t expect to pay on a first date... None of them are misogynists in any shape or form. They look after their families and are the last men to disrespect women in any realm of life.

Misogyny can manifest as this kind of benign paternalism. I’ve met these men. They mean well with their “chivalry” but they don’t see women as equals. These men expect to be the higher earner, and that other men will be the bosses and the managers. Women are to be cherished and protected and provided for.

Yes, these men will unhesitatingly pay for your dinner. I still don’t want them to. And when you insist on paying your way they become slightly less benign.

Flanner0475 · 29/05/2019 12:46

@HelenaDove

Since I might be the only person in this thread who has stated he is a man, I will assume that remark was aimed at me. For the record, I wouldnt dream of standing someone up.

Your response definitely says something about you however.

redwoodmazza · 29/05/2019 12:47

Yep - 50/50.

Reenascreena · 29/05/2019 13:12

Misogyny can manifest as this kind of benign paternalism. I’ve met these men. They mean well with their “chivalry” but they don’t see women as equals. These men expect to be the higher earner, and that other men will be the bosses and the managers. Women are to be cherished and protected and provided for.

Yes, these men will unhesitatingly pay for your dinner. I still don’t want them to. And when you insist on paying your way they become slightly less benign.

Yes, absolutely. The apparently benign paternalism struggles with the concept of a woman who doesn't see her role as being cherished, protected and provided for. Or a woman who knows her way around a winelist.

HelenaDove · 29/05/2019 14:17

I dont think so Flanner Especially as there are a couple of posters from this thread who swore blind that it was all about equality........now spouting rape myths on the Oritse thread.

Lavarda · 13/02/2021 14:30

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CuriousSeal · 13/02/2021 18:35

I say go Dutch. I always insist on it, mainly because I don't like to feel like I owe them something in return. It just keeps things simple.

LilacSloth · 13/02/2021 18:38

🧟‍♂️

bloodyhairy · 13/02/2021 20:57

I wouldn't be at all impressed of a bloke didn't pay on the first date. HOWEVER I would always pay for the next one, and go 50/50 thereafter. One guy was genuinely amazed when I treated him to a meal out, as no woman had ever done that before! The first date is different though; kind of like a generosity test.

slashlover · 13/02/2021 21:42

@bloodyhairy

I wouldn't be at all impressed of a bloke didn't pay on the first date. HOWEVER I would always pay for the next one, and go 50/50 thereafter. One guy was genuinely amazed when I treated him to a meal out, as no woman had ever done that before! The first date is different though; kind of like a generosity test.

But only a test of his generosity, not yours?