First Date, who pays?

[DreamsOfDownUnder]

So I'm going on a first date on Sunday evening for some food and drinks.

I'm planning on going dutch... I think?

What are people's opinion, man/woman pays/go dutch or do we pay for what we've had.. It's been a while since I've been one!

I can’t understand why anyone needs to feel threatened by the way other couples might relate to each other.

Well maybe because you haven't expressed it solely in terms of what you want in a relationship but have said things like any man who doesn't do this is a tight wad, or that an abusive marriage is likely to follow (as other posters have said).

Also, if this is a first date how does the man know that this is what you are expecting and so be able to choose this type of relationship? Or would you explain this particular dynamic ahead of the date?

Decomposing - no I haven’t said any of that.

I have no control over what other posters say on here.

What I have said and I’ll say it again (though god knows why I bother), is that to me, a man expecting to pay for a date is a gesture that I can appreciate. I don’t feel “demeaned” or “ lesser” as a result. To be it’s not about the money. I am attracted towards certain behaviours in men and I don’t know why I should need to apologise for that.

Decomposing - if a man doesn’t want to be with me, then that’s up to him.

As I said, I have never dated a man who didn’t prefer to pay. But having said that, I always knew very quickly if I connected with someone and I never speculatively dated. I wouldn't even waste mine or their time, let alone their money.

With DH, I literally saw the back of his head and I kind of knew. That may sound weird, but that’s what happened. He proposed a few months later.

I don’t mess people about and I never have.

We keep saying first date.
But a first date can cost £5 if you just have coffee and go for a walk.
The point is that in wanting to pay, the person who asked you out is showing that they like you...
When someone then asks me for my half of the money, I instantly would feel they were penny pinching and not want to see them again...
If it was a bigger meal I would assume they were trying to show off, to then ask me for my half of the bill, I would be thinking who had what, and if they had been greedy and were trying to get me to pay.

When someone then asks me for my half of the money

And there’s the difference. I would always offer rather than sit and assume they’re going to pay.

And if they accept I’m perfectly happy because I’ve offered.

mummy2017
When someone then asks me for my half of the money, I instantly would feel they were penny pinching

🤦🏻‍♀️. By not paying for yourself you are the one who is penny pinching. How can you not see that???

Holy shit, I wasn't expecting 23 pages of debating 😂

Haha OP. I bet you are sorry you asked 😂😂

Have you had your date? 👀

@RedPink pretty much, although I love a good ol' difference in opinion 😂

Not yet, it's tomorrow! I'll let you know how it goes and who picks up the bill 😂

Gosh is this still going on? The comments are getting more and mor bonkers, I can't actually believe someone actually wrote their date would need to ask them to pay for their own food, actually ask them, because they'd sit there and expect to be paid for.

The whole concept of being paid for because you're female, and that men who pay for you is " what attracts you" is as toe curlingly shameful as I have ever had the misfortune to read.

One positive I guess, these women are at least being honest about how grabby they are and how they will use their gender to justify that grabbiness.

The one who asked the other person on the date

PanGalactic i suggest you take a look at my post at 15.01

Kinder my values are fine thankyou. Because i think about ppl in low paid work like waitressing and vote accordingly.

I was just using that to make a point about first impressions You either go by them or you dont.

You cant have it both ways.

What Bluntness wrote on another thread to someone with Nurse in their username trapped in private renting.

"Basically because I believe people need to take some personal responsibility.In many instances life style choices, from the job people train to do, the pets people chose to have, to even when they chose to have kids,is what dictates whether they can buy or not"

Its not feminism at play here Its something else.

My post about the denial of womens economic reality still stands. Even more than i thought it did.

I'd offer half, if it was declined then I'd accept them paying, and I would Isister on paying the next time. I detest the ill pay, no I'll pay bollocks- so I get our wallet with full intention of paying but graciously accept if they say no- and ensure I get the first round of drinks if it proceeded to that, and the meal the next time.

I am only talking about a first date. . Not the rest of the relationship....
If they ask me out... Then I would think they were paying.

If they wanted any other way, they should have said at the start.

OP
If you find you haven't got much to chat about with your date then I think you should show him the thread. It be a great talking point. 😁.

What Bluntness wrote on another thread to someone with Nurse in their username trapped in private renting

Seriously? You've reduced yourself to stalking me across threads? Then taking me out of context? Where the poster felt she was doing the landlord a favour by paying his mortgage and I responded she wasn't?

That's probably one of the most over invested, saddest things I've witnessed on here. I'm not even going to report and have it removed (mnhq remove the sort of thing you posted) because it says more about you than me.

Bluntness100

Good on you. I think it's better to let posts like that stand so that everyone can see what was said. It doesn't even make any sense in the context of this thread - how is it in any way relevant?

For what it's worth, I agree with what you've been saying on this thread.

I do agree it’s bad form to bring up other threads. However, it’s interesting it didn’t seem to matter when Kennehora did that to me yesterday. And what she dragged up was more personal ie directly about my husband, not some innocuous comment about rentals.

Decomposing, thanks.

Paloma, yes I did see that, you can report if it bothers you.

Dont flatter yourself Bluntness If you think i clicked on a thread about HOUSING to stalk you then you obviously dont know me as well as you think you do.

I agree it was bad form and i apologize. But its not being over invested. I do tend to click and comment on posts about housing !

Pa1oma, it's bad form to research someone on other threads, I agree, but I don't think there's anything wrong with simply remembering someone's username from another thread where you may have been debating something. Personally, I remembered your username immediately from another thread on which you expressed very conservative views about marriage, and relationships between men and women in general, and seemed baffled that everyone didn't share them.

@HelenaDove the difference is that if you see someone being disrespectful towards a waiter, there are no assumptions, you already have your proof there. Your date is already breaking one core value (Respect) and you can't reverse that.
Whereas in the case of he not paying for your meal, you're making an assumption. He didn't break any value. Actually he acted with fairness because he is not taking advantage of you, he is paying for what he had.
Other example would be: if someone said in a first date that he has a child but he never wanted the baby so he doesn't pay child maintenance. It already shows his lack of responsibility and integrity. There are no assumptions there.

Doesn't matter anyway - he bailed 😂

Did he not appreciate your 'economic reality'?