First Date, who pays?

[DreamsOfDownUnder]

So I'm going on a first date on Sunday evening for some food and drinks.

I'm planning on going dutch... I think?

What are people's opinion, man/woman pays/go dutch or do we pay for what we've had.. It's been a while since I've been one!

@unicorn stop embarrassing yourself....have some pride and pay your own way in life.

@unicorn

So you are incapable of buying a drink as you don’t have a penis??

This is interesting. If a man in my culture doesn't pay for the woman, that's very embarrassing for him and he would be ridiculed by his friends. Even if there was 1 man eating with 4 women, he would pay for them all.

Does 'go Dutch' mean to pay half each?

Him.

Yes, pinkyy, pay half

Would you not feel devalued if he didn't think enough of you to pay for a bit of food?

@Pinkyyy not really, I can't feel devalued by someone I hardly know not paying for me.

50/50. Always. Even if he offers.

I’d expect the man to pay. Old fashioned I know but I would.
Especially a first date.

The first date should be Dutch. You don’t even know if you actually like each other, why should one stranger treat another stranger?

Once a friendship/relationship is established it’s nice to treat each other on occasion but I would want to avoid any “obligation” at this stage.

This is interesting. If a man in my culture doesn't pay for the woman, that's very embarrassing for him and he would be ridiculed by his friends. Even if there was 1 man eating with 4 women, he would pay for them all.

Would you not feel devalued if he didn't think enough of you to pay for a bit of food?

Pinkyy, where on earth do you come from? I have difficulty imagining a situation in which I would let a man pay for my dinner in case he was ridiculed by his friends.

If I invited someone I would pay - if it's genuinely mutual/not clear split it. If you have someone properly insisting let them pay but pay the tab next time and pay for the tip this time too.

Pinkyy where do you come from?? That's bizarre...

@KittensinaBlender exactly what I'm thinking

Im probably a lot older than you and lessons learned for me are "If you want to be treated like a lady, act like one"

I think you probably are much older than me, yes.

I'll have to remember to bring twice as much cash if I ever try grab-a-granny night.

Doesn't it all depend on where you are going and how much you earn? I was always the first to contact a man on the dating site, but would never ask him out first. They then suggested the place they knew, which most of the times was quite above average (i.e. not Pizza Express prices), in a central (London) location. Meanwhile I'd be quite happy for a pint, chat and call it a day.
So why the hell should I pay half I can't afford, in a restaurant where prices start at £20, cough up a sum to the tune of 40-50quid, when I'd have 2 or 3 such dates in a week? If you all broke the glass ceiling with your top notch salaries, then I am very happy for you. But I won't be able to pay 100 quid a week to date, that was my weekly food budget and I ate well at home.

I mean if they want to treat me, make it a nice occasion, then I am impressed and grateful, and wouldn't argue about cheaper option I can actually afford. I will let them and won't offer to split. But next time we'd go to a pub and I pay, and, believe me, there were a lot of "next times", I had good time with nice generous people who never acted as if they bought me.

Each pays for what he/she had. I've had dates where the person tries to chance it, orders a load of expensive drinks, starters, expensive mains, desserts with liqueur coffees. I'm vegan and don't drink much and don't care for sweets. Then they pipe up, 'Let's go halves' with a cheeky grin. Nice try, I'm not subbing you.

OnlyFoolsnMothers: "Offensive to who?"

@Baskerville"
"People who haven't arrived in time machine from 1950?"
If you are offended then just say you are, don't answer as if you're speaking for the rest of us. I don't agree with OnlyFoolsnMothers' comment but I don't find it offensive in any way and I wasn't around then. Some people take offence at the slightest things.

Always split it.
You can still learn a lot. The guy who gets his calculator out and works out that your two double gins came to 45pence more than his three pints and your pudding was 15pence more than his, but his main was £1.20 cheaper than yours......forget it.
The guy that doesn’t tip....forget it (unless it’s a no tip kinda place)
The guy with the change purse......forget it.

I feel in no way obligated to a man who pays for my dinner, and no man should feel emancipated by a woman paying for his dinner.
No woman on here has said they would pay, they've said Dutch.
I think its sad there's no treating anyone anymore and tightness is being dressed up and repackaged as feminism.

Most people i know dont go on dinner dates before knowing if they like someone, they go for a quick drink or coffee- splitting the cost of two lattes, how miserable that sounds.

@BloodyDisgrace going out to eat at £50 a head is expensive for me and it definitely wouldn't be a regular occurrence. Next time it would be a couple a few drinks or the pictures or something. Not a £50 n each time but I don't get out often so I want

to make the best of it.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers we will definitely have a drink first before sitting down and eating! x

Hang on Onlyfools, apologies if I’m wrong but was it not you who said you expected the man to pay? So basically what you’re saying is it’s sad not to have ‘treating’ of the other person but as long as it’s always the man doing the treating...

I would always want to split on a first date...don't want them thinking I owe them something if you get what I mean.

I said a man to pay on the first date- but i put that down (in one of my earlier posts) to the fact that I would never ask out a man in the first instance, so a man has asked me out and should pay.
But like i also said, he would pay for dinner- i would buy drinks after- next date I would pay.
My point was that all these people saying we dont live in the 1950s we should pay half because women now work, then why dont they offer to pay it all. Ultimately I find it quite miserable to be so stringent on going dutch.