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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbor does not greet or talk to me - WWYD?

254 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 07:37

I live in a rural neighborhood. Most people are quite friendly.

One of our neighbors is a man in his forties. Like us he likes to ride and like us he has dogs. I often meet him while riding or while walking the dogs, our dogs like his but he seems to have a deep dislike of them. I have no idea why.

I always greet and say something like “nice weather today, isn’t it?“ him but he never gives an answer. In fact he acts as if he didn’t even notice me.

Actually he talked to me only once and it was to tell me that one of our sons needed to wear his cap. It was winter... and yes, he was right, but our son didn’t like wearing his cap and had taken it off without me noticing...

I never discussed him with the other neighbors. I do not want to be a gossip.

I wonder if I should ask him why he doesn’t talk to me. I mean I do not want to be his friend and actually even avoid some places because I know he likes to walk his dogs there. I just think it would be polite if he said something like “Yes, very nice weather but I think it might rain tomorrow“ when we meet.

OP posts:
simplythepest · 19/05/2019 07:39

Stop talking to him and investing any more time into wondering why he won’t speak to you.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/05/2019 07:39

If everyone else is friendly just let this guy be. Unless he’s making conversation with everyone else it’s probably him not you- he doesn’t like to engage

MIA12 · 19/05/2019 07:40

He sounds ignorant. I wouldn’t ask him why, but you don’t need to keep making an effort with him either.

Alsonification · 19/05/2019 07:40

Forget about him. Ignore him. Move on with your life. Some people just aren’t chatty.

WoogleCone · 19/05/2019 07:40

You can't force him into being polite.

Just smile as you pass him or greet with a good morning/afternoon etc and leave him be. If he's not interested in pleasantries then that's just the way it is!

KezzabellaB · 19/05/2019 07:41

He could suffer from crippling shyness, a mental disorder, or just be really antisocial. If I were you I'd just keep nodding at him to acknowledge he's there but not worry about it

forkfun · 19/05/2019 07:41

simplythepest said it best.

Passthecherrycoke · 19/05/2019 07:42

Maybe he has hearing problems?

TanMateix · 19/05/2019 07:42

I think you need to respect the fact he doesn’t want to be friendly or have a conversation with you.

I work with people like that, once you know it is not personal you stop taking notice. I suggest you do the same, just ignore him back and leave him alone.

EdWinchester · 19/05/2019 07:43

Just stop speaking to him, he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to engage.

Mrsbclinton · 19/05/2019 07:44

He sounds like an oddball, had a next door neighbor like this, he would totally ignore me.

Was awkward as his child played with mine.

His wife on the otherhand was a lovely lady!

Original poster
Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 07:44

I never saw him talking to anybody else. I do not know if he does.

I mean I do not even want to chat with him or whatever.

I just want to have this meaningsless “oh, it’s windy today“ “Yes, very windy indeed“ kind of conversation I have with the other neighbors.

Unfortunately this gentleman is the neighbor I meet most because both of us enjoy to be outside. I meet him all of the time... and our dogs always want to play with his. I have to hold them back Confused

OP posts:
Redwinestillfine · 19/05/2019 07:45

I would just give him a bright smile every time I saw him, or a nod hello. No need to use words. Don't be offended if you get nothing back. You don't know what's going on with him and that way you leave the door open. Definitely don't invest any time worrying about it though.

thetonsillolith · 19/05/2019 07:46

I can't do meaningless chit chat. Just can't. I am on the autistic spectrum.

AmIAWeed · 19/05/2019 07:46

I have a neighbour this!
I don't like her. I'm confident she doesn't like me, however I've always believed it's polite to say hello or smile when you see people. This week we were both in the garden, could see each other through hedge and gardening in close proximity, her cutting hedge me digging hole to plant along the hedge so I says 'lovely day for it" no answer
Later she's putting electric tape up
I says "are the horses coming back if the tape is going up?" She looked at me and walked in the opposite direction!!!
So guess what? Now I need make no more effort. I don't need to smile or say hello or consider her feelings. She's not my kind of person and if she can't be polite bollocks to her.
You need to ignore this man as he does you. No need to worry about the why

Afternoonteadelight · 19/05/2019 07:47

Just don’t greet him in the future and as a pp said don’t invest time wondering why he won’t talk to you.
Some people don’t like neighbourly chit chat.

HogMother · 19/05/2019 07:49

I mean I do not even want to chat with him or whatever. I just want to have this meaningsless “oh, it’s windy today“ “Yes, very windy indeed“ kind of conversation I have with the other neighbors

That is chat op. He doesn’t want it, you cannot force him.

IceIceCoffee · 19/05/2019 07:49

Could it be your dogs? You say you have to hold them back. My dog doesn’t like other dogs so I keep him away and have full control. I get annoyed at others who don’t keep theirs from harassing mine.

AlaskanOilBaron · 19/05/2019 07:49

We've got some nutballs across the street who refuse to acknowledge us.

When I was growing up in the American Midwest my mom was in charge of the Welcome Wagon and we took casseroles/cupcakes/wine etc to new neighbours - the English ways of life are in many ways a mystery to me.

On the other hand we have some very lovely neighbours, we have a WhatsAp thread and some of them are coming for drinks tonight.

I've come to enjoy blanking our rude neighbours, it's empowering.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/05/2019 07:50

Just do a nod of acknowledgement when u see him

Original poster
Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 07:52

I do not think he is short of hearing. I used to think maybe he was and talk louder but he still ignored me...
My dh is short of hearing but he always knows when somebody greets him even if they speak in a very low voice because he sees their lips move (and figures it was a greeting) Even if he was deaf he would notice... because I always stop walking and my lips move when I meet him.

I wonder if the gentleman dislikes me for a reason I do not know.

OP posts:
thetonsillolith · 19/05/2019 07:54

He might not dislike you at all. He might just not be very good at social communication.

Original poster
Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 07:54

@Iceicecoffee He clearly dislike our dogs... they are a bit wild but they just want to play... actually his are just like this. He clearly doesn’t want his dogs to play with ours.

OP posts:
SomewhereInbetween1 · 19/05/2019 07:56

Why does this bother you so much? Are your "wild" dogs approaching him or his dogs? Are they trained?

AmIAWeed · 19/05/2019 07:57

Thing is, even if he dislikes you for an unknown reason you can't change it.
It's either something that's you and that can't be changed
Or something happened once that you're not even aware of but he is. Well if he's too infantile to say 'I thought this was rude, or can we clear the air' then why would you want to spend time or energy on him?
Some people really are worth forgetting.
I know why my neighbors don't like me, and I certainly can't change what they dislike so why worry!