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Original poster

Neighbor does not greet or talk to me - WWYD?

254 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 07:37

I live in a rural neighborhood. Most people are quite friendly.

One of our neighbors is a man in his forties. Like us he likes to ride and like us he has dogs. I often meet him while riding or while walking the dogs, our dogs like his but he seems to have a deep dislike of them. I have no idea why.

I always greet and say something like “nice weather today, isn’t it?“ him but he never gives an answer. In fact he acts as if he didn’t even notice me.

Actually he talked to me only once and it was to tell me that one of our sons needed to wear his cap. It was winter... and yes, he was right, but our son didn’t like wearing his cap and had taken it off without me noticing...

I never discussed him with the other neighbors. I do not want to be a gossip.

I wonder if I should ask him why he doesn’t talk to me. I mean I do not want to be his friend and actually even avoid some places because I know he likes to walk his dogs there. I just think it would be polite if he said something like “Yes, very nice weather but I think it might rain tomorrow“ when we meet.

OP posts:
TreadingThePrimrosePath · 19/05/2019 10:26

Now I have a vision of the OP skipping through the countryside, with one or more small sticky boy children in a cloud of yapping, squabbling bug-eyed chihuahuas. Possibly singing something Pollyanna-ish.

HappyRoots · 19/05/2019 10:40

It'll just be how he is OP. Some folk want to be left alone. Thing is you don't need to understand it or know the reason for it. I have dogs and find in my neighbourhood there are other owners who always want to chat, some want a quick hello or acknowledgement, some completely ignore me while the dogs interact, some don't want the dogs to interact. It's all fine. I wouldn't waste any more headspace on this. Think of him like a grumpy dog who you'd accept you don't bother.

Kaddm · 19/05/2019 10:41

Whatever the reason, he doesn’t want to engage. So just ignore him as that would clearly suit him better.

Foxmuffin · 19/05/2019 10:41

I had a neighbour who I thought blew hot and cold like this. Turns out she was largely deaf and needed to be looking directly at me to see I was addressing her.

GabsAlot · 19/05/2019 10:41

Im mainly a city girl but say hello to my immediate neighbours i dont really want to get into anything else with them

My dh from wales used to say to any tom dick or harry walking down the street always freaked me out

NicoAndTheNiners · 19/05/2019 10:44

Maybe you've got the wrong breed of dog for the countryside? Grin

Seriously I live in the country and it's all spaniels, labs, terriers
, collies and at a push a greyhound. I can imagine some people would refuse to engage with someone with a chihuahua. I used to have a greyhound, then I got a very unusual sighthound but it looks like a terrier so that was ok. I now have a "designer dog" and I've been told that I've got the wrong sort of dog for round here. Grin

BlueJava · 19/05/2019 10:45

He obviously doesn't want to talk so I wouldn't keep trying to engage him. Some people will respond, some not. Most of our neighbours are happy to greet, one doesn't. After three tries from me I stopped, fair enough I don't want to bother her.

pineapplebryanbrown · 19/05/2019 10:45

Do you carry a big shotgun around with you?

joyfullittlehippo · 19/05/2019 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ManchesterBorn · 19/05/2019 10:52

I have no mental health problem whatsoever, but I still can't think about anything worst than having inane conversations about the weather. I spend enough time talking rubbish with clients, the last thing I want when I walk the dogs is to make efforts and stupid small talks.

For some of us the whole point of having dogs is to have an excuse to walk them and have some peace and quiet in the process.

beverlymarsh · 19/05/2019 10:52

Good god, I couldn’t be bothered with someone who keeps trying to waffle on at me about the weather either! Hmm Just leave him alone!

Drum2018 · 19/05/2019 10:53

Wow. The man may just not want to engage in any conversation. You don't want to engage in chit chat so why the hell do you care that he doesn't comment about the bloody weather. Walk by, say hi, say nothing, whatever.

luckylavender · 19/05/2019 10:58

OP you seem totally obsessed. Stop trying to talk to the poor fellow. I feel sorry for him. Smile, nod, move on. Stop talking about the weather, why the hell do you need to do this all the time? He won't need you to tell him it's windy. He can work that out for himself. And get your dogs trained so that something bad doesn't happen. Obsess about that.

weleasewoderick22 · 19/05/2019 11:12

Chihuahua's can be yappy and they annoy my dog so much that I avoid people who have them on a walk. Maybe your neighbour feels the same?

LordPickle · 19/05/2019 11:14

I would simply ask him if there is a problem or if you have done something to offend him.
I wouldn't enjoy that sort of awkward atmosphere either and would want to sort it out too.

I should also note that I'm American and we handle social situations differently in general.

HappyHammy · 19/05/2019 11:15

OP, stop gossiping about him, it's none if your business how he wishes to behave.

Illberidingshotgun · 19/05/2019 11:27

I hadn't noticed the spelling at first, but yes, this indicates that you are not from the UK, but are from the US or elsewhere. Perhaps there are some cultural differences that are impacting on your perception of the situation.

(Otherwise, as PPs are suggesting, he is in a witness protection programme, he is a brooding millionare, unwittingly caught up in an international financial scandal. He is desperately drawn to you, but fears that an illicit relationship with you will lead to his true identity being uncovered. However the urges are too strong and he will soon drag you into a hay barn where you will tumble into each others arms and give in to the burning desire and passion that has been ignited between you. )

Butchyrestingface · 19/05/2019 11:28

@Iceicecoffee He clearly dislike our dogs... they are a bit wild but they just want to play...

This sounds like the canine equivalent of the “spirited child”. Grin

Kazzyhoward · 19/05/2019 11:33

Leave the man alone! Just because he doesn’t enjoy inane chat doesn’t make him a worse or ruder or stranger person than you. You know nothing about him. Maybe he finds interaction as painfully awkward as you find silence.

Well said. The OP is way over-thinking and taking it personally. I walk along our canal twice a day. I constantly see the same people. Some will chat, some will just nod, some won't make eye contact. Just follow their lead. Lots of people simply aren't comfortable with small talk - you can't "cure" them any more than you could cure someone who was gay - the more you try, the more awkward you make it and the worse it will be. Just leave the poor guy alone.

OldAndWornOut · 19/05/2019 11:38

He just doesn't want to talk, and he isn't obliged to.
Leave him alone; it's none of your business why.

mondaylisasmile · 19/05/2019 12:02

Another one here wondering why the op wants to force this ...!

Leave him alone.
Maybe he's half deaf, or struggling with anxiety, or just likes the peace & quiet of a dog walk in solitude.. doesn't matter, he doesn't owe you chit chat!!!

Asking him why he's not talking or chatting would be further weirdness/ inappropriate.

S1naidSucks · 19/05/2019 12:03

I would simply ask him if there is a problem or if you have done something to offend him.

So your need to know, would over ride any concerns that questioning him might cause upset? There have been loads of suggestions given as to why he doesn’t respond. You have no RIGHT to put someone on the spot, because YOU have issues with his none interaction with you. That’s just arrogance.

Kazzyhoward · 19/05/2019 12:54

I would simply ask him if there is a problem or if you have done something to offend him.

Why? I just can't understand why you are so bothered about it. Don't you have real issues to deal with or other things you can occupy your mind with. Just accept that not everyone is the same as you. Some people just don't want to engage.

Challenging him about it won't achieve anything. You won't "cure" him. If he is on the autistic spectrum or has social anxiety, you'll make things worse for him.

For God's sake, just let it go and just ignore him - it's really not hard to do if you try.

Omzlas · 19/05/2019 13:00

I haven't RTFT

Leave him be. He could have anxiety, be on the spectrum or simply be antisocial. Just because people who live rurally are usually friendly, that doesn't mean he has to be. Say "morning" if you feel you need to say something and leave it beyond that. He doesn't want to chat and you can't force that

LadyRannaldini · 19/05/2019 13:05

He sounds ignorant

Because he doesn't fit into the accepted mould? Maybe he's a very private person, maybe he's posting on another site about the irritating woman next door.

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