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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbor does not greet or talk to me - WWYD?

254 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 07:37

I live in a rural neighborhood. Most people are quite friendly.

One of our neighbors is a man in his forties. Like us he likes to ride and like us he has dogs. I often meet him while riding or while walking the dogs, our dogs like his but he seems to have a deep dislike of them. I have no idea why.

I always greet and say something like “nice weather today, isn’t it?“ him but he never gives an answer. In fact he acts as if he didn’t even notice me.

Actually he talked to me only once and it was to tell me that one of our sons needed to wear his cap. It was winter... and yes, he was right, but our son didn’t like wearing his cap and had taken it off without me noticing...

I never discussed him with the other neighbors. I do not want to be a gossip.

I wonder if I should ask him why he doesn’t talk to me. I mean I do not want to be his friend and actually even avoid some places because I know he likes to walk his dogs there. I just think it would be polite if he said something like “Yes, very nice weather but I think it might rain tomorrow“ when we meet.

OP posts:
FenellaVelour · 19/05/2019 10:04

have to keep explaining that he’s actually quite nice just not from here and a bit dense

How can you know if he’s “a bit dense” if you’ve not spoken to him?

S1naidSucks · 19/05/2019 10:04

When I encounter this sort of behaviour I make a point of continuing to greet the other person politely - if someone wants to be rude and passive aggressive towards me, I will make them work hard at it.

But continuing to try to force someone to interact with you isn’t rude and passive aggressive?

Ronsters · 19/05/2019 10:04

He's made it clear he doesn't want to speak so there's no point trying to push it. Maybe most people in rural areas do greet each other, but he doesn't.
Personally, if someone blanked me when I said hello I wouldn't bother again.

MadisonAvenue · 19/05/2019 10:05

I wouldn't waste any more time speaking to him.

We have neighbours like that, a whole family - parents and two adult sons - who don't even look if you pass them. I gave up making any pleasantries a while back.

It's fine if you want to keep yourself to yourself but that doesn't mean that you have to come across as rude. We saw the woman the other week when we were out walking our dog and she was out running with her dogs, we recalled our dog and actually stood aside when we saw her coming so that she could pass and not even that was acknowledged.

funnylittlefloozie · 19/05/2019 10:05

Chihuahuas? No wonder he doesn't speak to you!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/05/2019 10:06

STOP IT! You are winding yourself up over nothing.

Just keep your dogs off his and say your usual "Morning!" as you pass.

Let him live his life... and carry on living yours.

bridgetreilly · 19/05/2019 10:06

What would I do?

Literally nothing. Well, no, I would make sure my dogs did not disturb him, unlike the OP. Other than that, I can't think of any reason to do anything at all.

NoonAim · 19/05/2019 10:09

Are you in the UK OP? From your spelling and terminology I'd guess not.

We can be quite reserved here and like keeping ourselves to ourselves. I've lived in my neighbourhood for 15 years now and only say hello to 2 or 3 immediate neighbours, that's the way I like it.

HappydaysArehere · 19/05/2019 10:10

Could he have some form of autism or other problem? We have a neighbour who will often walk past after we have greeted him but then suddenly say something once he has passed. We realise it appears to be a delay in his processing. Once he starts talking he is really chatty. He can get on a bus and ignore you quite blatantly but then as you get off begin a long conversation. We are used to this and allow him his adjusting time.

cuppycakey · 19/05/2019 10:10

I just want to have this meaningsless “oh, it’s windy today“ “Yes, very windy indeed“ kind of conversation I have with the other neighbors.

Seriously OP WTF is wrong with you???

Leave the poor man alone!!!!

You sound like a totally deranged bully.

MirriVan · 19/05/2019 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarolinePooter · 19/05/2019 10:11

Maybe he's in Witness Protection. Does he look like a retired Mafioso? Leave him alone!

BeanoBrown · 19/05/2019 10:12

OP you asked WWYD? Well I would accept that he didn't want to talk and if it goes against your upbringing to ignore him then learn to just nod an acknowledgement when you see him but don't expect anything back.

It doesn't sound like he is encroaching on your boundaries, stop trying to invade his.

For what its worth your dogs sound like a pain to meet, very needy if they just want to play all the time.

pineapplebryanbrown · 19/05/2019 10:13

I'm a city dweller and have just been on holiday to the countryside. I was really shocked (pleasantly) to walk into a pub or shop and everyone said hello to me. I think he doesn't like your dogs.

grumiosmum · 19/05/2019 10:15

I like what Mirrivan said.

AtrociousCircumstance · 19/05/2019 10:15

He doesn’t owe you chat. He’s not a chatter.

He doesn’t have to behave how you want him to - you can’t control him.

He’s unfriendly. It’s lovely when people are friendly and warm but not everyone is.

This is a non-issue.

NoSauce · 19/05/2019 10:15

Bloody hell. Just leave him be. He doesn’t want to greet you and that’s ok, he doesn’t have to. There could be many reasons why OP and none of them would be your business.

ShastaBeast · 19/05/2019 10:16

Why are you not acknowledging he may have autism or severe social anxiety? Leave him alone.

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 19/05/2019 10:16

You are extremely chatty on MN, OP, judging by the hundreds of threads you have started or been on this year. And comfortable with sharing lots of information with strangers. Not everyone is like that, and it can be alarming and unwelcome.

chaoscategorised · 19/05/2019 10:18

YABU. Stop obsessing about this and leave the poor bloke alone - some people don't do small talk.

VelvetSpoon · 19/05/2019 10:21

He might just not like you.

I can't bear my neighbours. They are awful people. They and their badly behaved kids used to try to speak to me. I have no interest in their conversation and find it rude and almost bullying when they would shout hellohellohello at me. I ignored them and finally they seem to have stopped.

Don't continue to harass this man. You have no need to speak to him.

WorraLiberty · 19/05/2019 10:21

My point is: I have spend much of my life living in the countryside. Not in this neighborhood but in other rural places. People in rural places typically do greet and say a few words about the weather. I was brought up to greet everybody.

Could this be why you seem to have a sense of entitlement?

Honestly OP, just take his cues and leave him alone. He doesn't want to greet you and shouldn't be made to feel as though he has to.

MyYe · 19/05/2019 10:23

I think it's a quite socially awkward and odd to try and force conversation with someone who is clearly not interested. He's sending very clear signals that he'd like to be left alone and I don't understand why you're so determined to bend him to your will.

LittleCandle · 19/05/2019 10:25

He doesn't want to talk to you. There are a hell of a lot of people like that out there. If you absolutely must acknowledge him, then smile and walk past. Gaze into the middle distance to avoid eye contact. He doesn't want to be friends with you.

MuttsNutts · 19/05/2019 10:25

Leave the man alone! Just because he doesn’t enjoy inane chat doesn’t make him a worse or ruder or stranger person than you. You know nothing about him. Maybe he finds interaction as painfully awkward as you find silence.

When you walk dogs, you get to know who likes a chat and who doesn’t - forcing yourself on someone who has made it obvious they fall in the latter camp is just as rude as you think he is by not responding.

Just leave him be and maybe consider that not everyone is the same Shock and that you have no idea about him, his life or what makes him different to you.