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Original poster

Neighbor does not greet or talk to me - WWYD?

254 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 07:37

I live in a rural neighborhood. Most people are quite friendly.

One of our neighbors is a man in his forties. Like us he likes to ride and like us he has dogs. I often meet him while riding or while walking the dogs, our dogs like his but he seems to have a deep dislike of them. I have no idea why.

I always greet and say something like “nice weather today, isn’t it?“ him but he never gives an answer. In fact he acts as if he didn’t even notice me.

Actually he talked to me only once and it was to tell me that one of our sons needed to wear his cap. It was winter... and yes, he was right, but our son didn’t like wearing his cap and had taken it off without me noticing...

I never discussed him with the other neighbors. I do not want to be a gossip.

I wonder if I should ask him why he doesn’t talk to me. I mean I do not want to be his friend and actually even avoid some places because I know he likes to walk his dogs there. I just think it would be polite if he said something like “Yes, very nice weather but I think it might rain tomorrow“ when we meet.

OP posts:
NoonAim · 19/05/2019 09:30

We've got some nutballs across the street who refuse to acknowledge us.

Well, if you refer to them as "nutballs" - hideous, ignorant term - I'm not surprised they don't want to speak to you.

S1naidSucks · 19/05/2019 09:32

You just don’t get it, do you, OP?

The man built the house where he could afford to buy the land. I bought my house and continue to live in it, even though my neighbours are wankers.

Maybe he moved to the country to get away from people in the city and all the noise. Now you’re trying to make him talk to you. Leave.him.alone!

HappyHammy · 19/05/2019 09:34

It's not about you, he doesn't want to talk to you, it doesn't mean there is 'something wrong with him'. Leave the poor man alone and so what if your family have lived there for generations in a big house.

Ferii · 19/05/2019 09:41

Just say a generic "good morning" and move along quickly when you see him. No need for too much reflection on this. The man likes his solitude and doesn't like being disturbed by you or your dogs.

crazycatguy · 19/05/2019 09:42

I live in the SE of England.

This is how everyone treats every neighbour they have ever had.

Don't waste any more time.

Original poster
Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 09:44

My point is: I have spend much of my life living in the countryside. Not in this neighborhood but in other rural places. People in rural places typically do greet and say a few words about the weather. I was brought up to greet everybody.

Everybody else here greets too.

I really do not wish to have any personal contact with him. In fact I avoid him. I am not interested in a personal conversation with him... I was just brought up to believe that it is mega impolite not to greet your neighbors... and just want to be polite.

Actually sometimes I wonder if he thinks there is something wrong with me/dh and that’s why he doesn’t greet... but then I am not sure if he greets the others... I did not discuss him with them. I did not want to be a gossip.

OP posts:
FloatingthroughSpace · 19/05/2019 09:46

Jesus wept NT people can be so bloody self righteous sometimes.

My son is autistic and has selective mutism, which is a condition that means he finds it very hard to speak to people he doesn't know well. This condition is more than just talking; he can't communicate to new people at all including by gesture or facial expression. Sometimes he literally turns away if people talk to him unbidden. It is NOT that he dislikes them or that he is being rude on purpose. He simply finds social interaction with people outside immediate family and friends overwhelmingly difficult. He is a lovely, kind person who has never harmed another soul. He loves animals and may well have dogs when he is adult. If he does, his dogs will be well looked after and will be his company.

Did it EVER occur to you that maybe this isn't about YOU? That maybe he is a shy man or a man with social communication difficulties who just wants to walk his dogs in peace? The judgements of people like yourself make the life of people like my son immensely harder. He is not harming you, leave him be and stop thinking of him as rude. Maybe just once think of what HE wants - to be left alone in peace - than about the 'chat' you want. Just smile and nod if you see him, and get on with your day.

cookiechomper · 19/05/2019 09:47

Why do you care so much? Just don't meet him anymore. You don't need to go over to him when walking the dogs, surely?

BlueThang · 19/05/2019 09:48

My neighbour is just like this. I've seen her on nearly every school run since we moved into our new house 18 months ago. For the first year I acknowledged her every morning without fail. Either smiling or saying hello. I used to occasionally get a grunt in return but over time she started to purposefully look at the ground or the other way when she saw me. I even ran into her at somewhere out of our town and she still didn't acknowledge me so now I just ignore her.

MyNewBearTotoro · 19/05/2019 09:50

I don’t know why you’re giving this any headspace?

He clearly doesn’t want to chat to people. There could me a myriad of reasons; he may be shy, grumpy, autistic, socially anxious, depressed, rude, partially deaf, visually impaired, disinterested or any combination of those/ other reasons.

If he was having long detailed engaging chats with the whole world and then ignoring you I would understand your upset but it sounds like he is this way with everybody. I can’t understand why you’re so desperate to exchange small talk about the weather with him or how this will enrich your life in any way.

He’s clearly most comfortable just getting on with his life without overthinking his relationship (or lack of) with you so I’d just suggest you do the same.

Original poster
Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 09:52

@cookiechomper:I surely do not go over when I meet him. In fact I try to sneak in a different direction.... but... to give an example:

I meet him at a small dirt track. He is coming from one direction. I am coming from another direction. There is no possibility to avoid him. I “hello“ or “hello, nice weather, isn’t it?“. He says just nothing... doesn’t give a nod... nothing.

OP posts:
FenellaVelour · 19/05/2019 09:52

You seem to be very focused on not being impolite without realising that, to a lot of people, continually trying to force chit chat is impolite.

RosaWaiting · 19/05/2019 09:53

OP "Actually sometimes I wonder if he thinks there is something wrong with me/dh and that’s why he doesn’t greet."

this is actually what you're worried about. Just leave it. Suppose he has taken against you for some reason - you can't do anything about it and all that is happening is he doesn't respond to "hello". it's nothing to worry about.

Turpy · 19/05/2019 09:54

We used to live in a country where people didn't always great each other when they were out and about in the countryside. I found it really odd and unfriendly but I suppose it was just their way. I'd still smile and say a quick hello but I wouldn't worry when they ignored me.

I can't imagine going on a long hike in the UK and being blanked by people walking in the opposite direction.

MeredithGrey1 · 19/05/2019 09:55

I was just brought up to believe that it is mega impolite not to greet your neighbors... and just want to be polite.

Yeah, maybe he’s being a bit rude, but so are you in a way. Politeness isn’t doing what the social convention is, regardless of how someone feels about it. If you really want to be polite, then stop saying hello to him, he clearly doesn’t mind so there’s no need for you to feel rude doing it.

It doesn’t really matter if you think he’s impolite, you can’t change that and from the sounds of it he’s not actively disruptive/annoying/rude - you could have a much worse neighbour!

MagicMojito · 19/05/2019 09:56

So your feeling awkward at the silence trump's his feeling awkward at making chit chat? Even though your awkwardness literally requires NOTHING on your part (just to carry on walking) yet his would require him to change his behaviour (by indulging you in conversation). Yes, he's clearly the unreasonable one in this situation..... except for, you know, not really

rodentattack · 19/05/2019 09:57

Rolling my eyes at some of the comments here.

He sounds very rude, OP. When I encounter this sort of behaviour I make a point of continuing to greet the other person politely - if someone wants to be rude and passive aggressive towards me, I will make them work hard at it.

grumiosmum · 19/05/2019 09:57

OP, you need to let this drop.

Stop obsessing about it, it's not about you.

I live in the country too & would always say good morning if I pass someone when I'm out with the dogs.

If I got no reply, I would never think it was my fault - just that the person isn't friendly/doesn't like communication/doesn't understand.

And it is actually very rude of you to keep trying to engage him if he clearly does not want to. Next time just nod or smile, if you feel you have to acknowledge him in some way.

ImNotNigel · 19/05/2019 09:57

I also live in the country and have a neighbour like this. He moved from the city and doesn’t seem to know that here it’s normal to greet people as you have said OP.

Other people in the village also think he’s odd. They say “ oh yes you live next to that man with the golden retriever who doesn’t speak to anyone. “

I have to keep explaining that he’s actually quite nice just not from here and a bit dense Grin.

Langrish · 19/05/2019 09:58

Each to their own. No-one is obliged to talk to anyone else and some people find it positively difficult. No big deal.

Pharlapwasthebest · 19/05/2019 10:00

Someone’s opinion of you is non of your business.
You can’t force him to speak to him, but I would continue to say a cheery hello, and move on.
But, please train your dogs, it’s so frustrating when your dog gets mobbed by badly behaved dogs.

Pharlapwasthebest · 19/05/2019 10:02

@ImNotNigel
You don’t actually say he’s dense to others though surely?

ThanosSavedMe · 19/05/2019 10:02

Leave the poor man alone. He is doing nothing wrong. He’s probably hoping you’ll get the hint and stop trying to talk to you.

It doesn’t matter why he doesn’t want to talk, he just doesn’t. Why is your need for a general comment more important than his need to not reply.

Stop trying to engage him and leave him alone.

FenellaVelour · 19/05/2019 10:03

When I encounter this sort of behaviour I make a point of continuing to greet the other person politely

The opposite of polite.

Usingmyindoorvoice · 19/05/2019 10:03

OP You’re not in the UK are you Wink?