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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbor does not greet or talk to me - WWYD?

254 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 07:37

I live in a rural neighborhood. Most people are quite friendly.

One of our neighbors is a man in his forties. Like us he likes to ride and like us he has dogs. I often meet him while riding or while walking the dogs, our dogs like his but he seems to have a deep dislike of them. I have no idea why.

I always greet and say something like “nice weather today, isn’t it?“ him but he never gives an answer. In fact he acts as if he didn’t even notice me.

Actually he talked to me only once and it was to tell me that one of our sons needed to wear his cap. It was winter... and yes, he was right, but our son didn’t like wearing his cap and had taken it off without me noticing...

I never discussed him with the other neighbors. I do not want to be a gossip.

I wonder if I should ask him why he doesn’t talk to me. I mean I do not want to be his friend and actually even avoid some places because I know he likes to walk his dogs there. I just think it would be polite if he said something like “Yes, very nice weather but I think it might rain tomorrow“ when we meet.

OP posts:
BecksDriver · 19/05/2019 07:59

I would not spend another minute thinking about it. You've tried, he's not responded, leave it at that.
A cheery morning when u bump into him again and then forget him and his ways.

Fairylea · 19/05/2019 07:59

Could be loads of reasons why he doesn’t talk - from just being a bit of an arse to actually having communication difficulties or autism. I have autism and someone trying to chat with me when I’m out and about sends me into a spin of anxiety. I absolutely cannot stand it. It’s lots of things - feels like an invasion of my space, I didn’t plan to chat to anyone, I don’t find it interesting so feel like I’m wasting my time (I know how rude that sounds but that’s how I feel in my head) and so on. I would just put it down to him and don’t worry about it!

jemihap · 19/05/2019 08:00

I think if the biggest issue that you've currently got in your life is that some random neighbour who you barely know doesn't want to engage in pointless chit chat with you, then things are going pretty well.

Saucery · 19/05/2019 08:00

My dog can give off signals of Oh yes, I want to play! then the approaching dog will do something she considers bad manners and she turns on them. It may be something as simple as he’s worried about the dog interaction getting out of hand?
I know I cba to go into the whole spiel about how she can be reactive blah blah blah.....when I meet someone and would prefer to just walk on.

coconuttelegraph · 19/05/2019 08:01

You don't need to do anything, just get on with your day and leave him be, why would you want to force someone to interact with you when they clearly don't want to?

S1naidSucks · 19/05/2019 08:01

One of my neighbours is like this. Her husband used to chat, but even he has become more withdrawn. The woman comes across as really cold, however the poor woman has severe mental health problems and I think the husband is finding social niceties difficult too. Leave the man be, you’ve no idea why he doesn’t chat. He’s not being abusive or causing you any harm.

thetonsillolith · 19/05/2019 08:02

If he's in his forties and lives alone with two dogs he's probably not a people person, is he?

barryfromclareisfit · 19/05/2019 08:03

Stop being intrusive. Leave the poor man alone. He’s under no obligation to be your friend.

RosaWaiting · 19/05/2019 08:04

why do you care?

I say this as someone who always knows neighbours.

but if there is someone who clearly doesn't want to engage, the decent thing to do is leave them alone. a brief nod will suffice if you have to do something.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 19/05/2019 08:06

It sounds like the beginning of a romance novel!

ThursdayLastWeek · 19/05/2019 08:08

I don’t like to meet offlead dogs when I’m walking mine - I might come across as standoffish because I’m trying not to prolong the meeting between the dogs.

NameChangeMcgee · 19/05/2019 08:08

It's not polite to force social interaction on someone who obviously didn't want it.

Don't let your neighbor bother you, it's very possible that his quirks have nothing to do with you! :)

soundsystem · 19/05/2019 08:08

I'm the same as Fairylea. This sort of chitchat can be really stressful for some of us!

I'm not sure why you think your desire to have an inane chat about the weather overrides his desire to walk his dogs in peace? Just say "hi" as you pass him and leave it at that.

cantfindname · 19/05/2019 08:09

I have lived for 32 years just across from a man exactly the same! Whatever I say he will never, ever reply. I actually find it quite funny and pathetic and admit to annoying him by always saying hello in a cheery voice and commenting on the weather or whatever.

Let him get on with it and live as he wants to OP. Ironically I bet if he ever needs help in any way he will be quick to ask!

cantfindname · 19/05/2019 08:10

Strike through fail!

AJPTaylor · 19/05/2019 08:11

We have a neighbour like that. Bizarrely when we bought our house the previous occupant told me he was a great bloke etc. Literally he just will not speak. Not a hello, nothing. I get great amusement from saying a cheery " hello" every time I see him. His problem not mine! Tosser

ddl1 · 19/05/2019 08:11

He may have social anxiety, be extremely preoccupied with something, or might even have a problem with vision or hearing or both and not see/hear you. I don't think it's a big problem if everyone else is friendly. Even if it is that he's not keen on your dogs, or thinks that his and your dogs may be a bad influence on each other, I don't think that's so serious. It would be more worrying if he had started being friendly and then stopped; but if he never was, I'd just concentrate on those who are.

ManchesterBorn · 19/05/2019 08:11

you're talking too much! A nod and a smile would be more than enough. If you start blabbering about the weather when you haven't even exchanged you are scaring him off.

Having unruly dogs is not something to be proud about either

Dirtyjellycat · 19/05/2019 08:12

Just leave him alone. He clearly doesn’t want to talk to you and you need to respect that. Why would you want to force the issue when he’s made his intentions clear? Just walk your dogs and enjoy the quiet.

Fiveredbricks · 19/05/2019 08:12

What breed are you dogs OP? And why are they 'wild' and not well trained?

pictish · 19/05/2019 08:13

Just a nod and a ‘hello’ from you is fine...if he doesn’t want to reciprocate then ok. You are being polite without being the slightest bit obtrusive. Don’t worry about it beyond that.

We have lived here for 10 years and the man directly across the road from us has never acknowledged any of us once, in passing or otherwise.
Meh. No skin off our nose.

miagerbies · 19/05/2019 08:14

Do your dogs bark when you are out maybe?

HBStowe · 19/05/2019 08:15

Yanbu but unless he is actively making your home life difficult I would just ignore him. He may just be painfully shy / inherently rude / antisocial, and if any of that is true he’s not going to change now.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 19/05/2019 08:15

they are a bit wild but they just want to play

This sounds like a big part of your problem. Badly behaved, uncontrolled dogs whose owners think it’s ok that they “just want to play” piss me right off, and I’d be bloody fed up with their owners.

Maybe get your dogs under control and see if he thaws?

Itsnotme123 · 19/05/2019 08:16

He’s probably deaf