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Original poster

Neighbor does not greet or talk to me - WWYD?

254 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 07:37

I live in a rural neighborhood. Most people are quite friendly.

One of our neighbors is a man in his forties. Like us he likes to ride and like us he has dogs. I often meet him while riding or while walking the dogs, our dogs like his but he seems to have a deep dislike of them. I have no idea why.

I always greet and say something like “nice weather today, isn’t it?“ him but he never gives an answer. In fact he acts as if he didn’t even notice me.

Actually he talked to me only once and it was to tell me that one of our sons needed to wear his cap. It was winter... and yes, he was right, but our son didn’t like wearing his cap and had taken it off without me noticing...

I never discussed him with the other neighbors. I do not want to be a gossip.

I wonder if I should ask him why he doesn’t talk to me. I mean I do not want to be his friend and actually even avoid some places because I know he likes to walk his dogs there. I just think it would be polite if he said something like “Yes, very nice weather but I think it might rain tomorrow“ when we meet.

OP posts:
Tingface · 19/05/2019 08:17
  1. Are your dogs a pain in the arse?
  1. Does “cap” mean “riding hat” and if so, were you grumpy when he pointed out the entirely correct fact that your son should have been wearing one?
NewSchoolNewName · 19/05/2019 08:18

I’d try not to take it personally, and stop trying to force small talk on him, unless there’s an actual reason you need to speak with him. I wouldn’t assume it’s because he dislikes you personally without more evidence, he might be like that with everyone.

I’d just nod at him or maybe a one word greeting like “morning” or “hello” while walking past.

Yinderling · 19/05/2019 08:20

Our neighbour is on the autistic spectrum. It became apparent he doesn't like small talk, having spoken tp his wife she told me he hates having to say hello. I now just let him walk on by, its quite nice not being sociable all the time!

pictish · 19/05/2019 08:21

As an asides, I do agree that ‘They’re a bit wild but they just want to play’ is usually code for: I look on, smiling indulgently, while my dogs make a pest of themselves.
Sorry.

gonnaneedaginsoon · 19/05/2019 08:21

It sounds very 'Mills and Boon'!

NorthernKnickers · 19/05/2019 08:22

Why are you even giving this headspace? I just don't get why you're bothered! I don't do inane, meaningless chat with people I don't know whilst I'm out walking either, I'm just enjoying my own quiet space! It's usually the only time I get any peace...I don't wish for it to be intruded on by a stranger telling me 'it's windy today'!! Doesn't make me anti-social.

Just do the 'acknowledgment nod' if you must...but leave the poor guy alone to his walk!!

stucknoue · 19/05/2019 08:27

He could have asd, dd blanks everyone unless they are in the places she expects them to be!

Illberidingshotgun · 19/05/2019 08:29

You've said what you want, you want to have some meaningless conversation each time you see each other, you want to know what he doesn't talk to you, and why he dislikes your dogs.

Try turning it around, and think about what HE wants. He doesn't want to engage in even meaningless conversation, and he wants to keep your dogs away from his dogs. Two things that it is quite easy to offer to him. There are umpteen reasons why he may not wish to engage in any kind of conversation with you, PPs have listed many suggestions. I am also the type of dog owner who prefers other people's dogs not to play with mine. He is quite passive and anxious, and when out walking prefers to do his own thing (sniff things at length, chase squirrels, look for fox poo to eat and roll in) and whilst he's usually ok to say hello to most dogs, he prefers that to be brief so he can move on. He would be anxious about dogs bounding over to "play".

Respects his and his dogs boundaries, and I'm sure things will improve all round.

thetonsillolith · 19/05/2019 08:29

This thread is putting me right off ever moving to the country...

SonEtLumiere · 19/05/2019 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuvSmallDogs · 19/05/2019 08:32

I say hello to my NDN, but that’s it. It’s deliberate - I’m not looking for an “in and out of each other’s houses” relationship in case it goes tits and we’re stuck with each other. I’m also not keen on their loud dogs which bark and throw themselves at the fence every time one of us goes in the garden or comes home, one of which took a flying leap out of their car boot on to my own dog.

Feelbad1 · 19/05/2019 08:34

Does he talk to your DH or other people, OP?

As a single man in the countryside, I imagine he is an anomaly, since there tends to be couples and families mostly. Could he feed awkward about being seen as chatting up mums / bored housewives etc. ? Lol, people in villages talk, just saying.

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 19/05/2019 08:44

I’m with the leave him be crowd, and stop making it all about you.
He’s politely ignoring you, letting you know he doesn’t want to be communicated with, and you’ve got a problem with it?
Why? Not like he told you to fuck off.
Leave him to his silence.

Thecabbageassasin · 19/05/2019 08:44

If her dogs are a nuisance then neighbour could just open his mouth and tell her, not leave her second guessing his odd behaviour.

I can be quite socially anxious, less so as I’ve got older. As a minimum I would acknowledge another human beings existence, especially if they initiated it. I may not launch into a full conversation, but i can muster up a hello, nod or a smile. Just blanking someone repeatedly, unless you have a medical condition, or learning disability is just bloody ignorant, but try not to give this strange man any more headspace.

Quit with the small talk and just cheery hello and try not to give him anymore headspace.

Acis · 19/05/2019 08:45

If you've never seen him talking to anyone else, why would you think he specifically dislikes you? It sounds to me as if he doesn't like making meaningless social chitchat with anyone.

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 19/05/2019 08:46

It’d be a shame if he started actively avoiding you and changing his routine because you insist on talking to him and gossiping about him.

LuluBellaBlue · 19/05/2019 08:49

Why do you try to insist he has ‘meaningless chat’ with you and why on earth would he want to?!
I just don’t get this!
I’ve lived in the country. I’d say hello / acknowledge a nod but it sounds like every time you see him you’re trying to draw him into conversation when he clearly doesn’t want to.
I would respect his boundary and just do a simple nod and smile in his direction.
It seems like you’re not reading his social cues....

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 19/05/2019 08:51

Ignorant, oddball, strange, infantile...inclusion at its finest on MN.

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 19/05/2019 08:55

On the other hand, some people are like their bloody dogs.
ME ME ME! Noticed me, play with me, tell me I’m a good dog or my feelings will be hurt. I only want to be friendly, what’s your problem?
Why don’t you want to? Why? Why?
Why are you ignoring meeeeeeee?

ApplePieIsAmazing · 19/05/2019 08:57

Just leave him alone. There's a guy at work like that, doesn't like chit chat. I nod and carry on with my day

UCOinanOCG · 19/05/2019 09:07

There is a man who lives near us and walks his two dogs twice daily around the time I am walking my dog. I tried passing the time of day with him when our dog was a pup but he would keep his head down and not make eye contact or engage in any way.

Very quickly I learned not to chat to him when we passed although I never averted my eyes and always smiled in his direction. Now, seven years later, he sometimes acknowledges me and says hello.

I have no idea if he is shy, anti social or whatever but it has never bothered me. He is who he is. I feel quite honoured he chooses to acknowledge me now!

Original poster
Flyingfish2019 · 19/05/2019 09:17

The dogs are chihuahuas. This breed is just a bit spirited but they are trained (apart from one puppy we have... but all other people just love her)... and we never get any complaints from anybody about the dogs.

I actually do not want to be his friend. I try to avoid him as much as possible. I just think... well... that it is rude not to say something when you meet your neighbor. I do not say something about the weather everytime we meet... just sometimes... because I feel the silence is so awkward... sometimes I just say hello... but again: no reaction.

No, he doesn’t talk to dh but he meets him less often.

Members of my dhs extended family have been living here for generations... but this gentleman is new to the place... meaning he moved here years ago but is none of the families who lived here for generations. We live in an old house and he build a new house... and I think it is so odd to build a house just near another family’s house and then not talk to the members of those family.

The cap I was talking about was a woolen bobble hat, not a riding hat. My son was in the prom not riding. He took it off. I did not notice. It was cold. The neighbor was right to tell me but the tone of his voice was very unfriendly... also he did not greet me just told me “he needs to wear his cap“ and walked on before I could give an answer.

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 19/05/2019 09:24

because I feel the silence is so awkward So what's awkward about silence? This is YOUR problem; for him the silence is obviously fine. Do you understand that there are people like this and they have as much right to be the way they are, as you do to be the way you are?

BlueSkiesLies · 19/05/2019 09:27

He sounds ignorant

Unfortunately MIA12, you sound ignorant. Ignorant of the meaning of and correct usage of the word ignorant.

Leave the guy alone. He clearly doesn’t want to speak to you Flyingfish2019 and nor does he want your dogs playing with his dogs.

It isn’t your god given right to extract small talk from every neighbour or fellow dog walker.

FenellaVelour · 19/05/2019 09:30

Why spend time worrying about something which is ultimately trivial.

I would absolutely hate inane small talk about things like the weather. I wouldn’t necessarily ignore it, but I’d be vaguely polite because I felt I had to, then do everything I could to avoid a repeat.