Annoyed! Apparently I 'look like a mum'

[champagneplanet]

Okay, so I may be a bit over sensitive here so talk me down if you think it's needed.

Met an old friends partner today, don't see them as regularly as we'd like, however her and I are good friends. Was in the supermarket, trying to fit in a shop with DC2 whilst DD1 doing her hobby.

Exchanged pleasantries and then he commented 'I almost didn't recognise you, you look like a mum'. Didn't say anything at the time, but now i'm less than impressed. It's my day off, I have an unruly toddler in a busy supermarket, doing a big shop with two day old hair and a jacket I hate (as I misjudged the weather and it was the only one in the car).

I definitely wasn't a compliment. AIBU to ask what do 'mums' look like??

Oh so your user name isn't literal then 🥴

That was for ManchesterBorn

@socallmemaybe 30 mins a day is it for you.. I can’t do shit with my hair in the amount of time never mind makeup too. I shower but usually look a scruff because I don’t have the time to groom and polish at the moment. I can’t wait to get back to it again but please don’t assume because you do it that everyone can.

All this about having 2 day old hair! You shouldn't wash your hair daily anyway

YANBU. The comment is meaningless anyway mums look lots of different ways.

No. But I don’t like this notion that mums need to walk around in “two day old hair”. Why is that?

WTAF is “two day old hair”? If you want to straighten your hair and spend time styling it fine. If you want to just give it a quick brush or put it up sometimes fine. I’ve never bothered with too much faff with my hair and that has nothing to do with whether or not I’m a mum.

As an aside, it took me reading the first few pages of this thread before I figured out that two day old hair meant hair that had been washed two days ago! With the animosity it was getting, I figured it meant that you hadn't brushed it in two days...

Anyway OP, if you're sure it wasn't meant to be complimentary then yanbu to be annoyed. You'll never know what the intentions behind it were so don't take it to heart.

I brush my hair about once a week, if that, same with washing. I've always done it this way. Mum or not!

2 day old hair? Mine still looks ok at 2 weeks... it's thick and long. Probably wash it every 7-10 days or so but really couldn't say exactly as who gives a fuck?

Alright, it's not a race to the bottom

I wash once a month, brush my hair annually kinda thing

Who said anything about a race to the bottom? I don't consider it inferior to wsdh my hair as it's needed. Double for you.

Oh so your user name isn't literal then
isn't that the whole point of a user name MyBlueMoonbeam?
And no, I have no idea what the comment above could possibly mean 🤷

Never mind 😅

More concerning, why is 'looking like a mum' used as a criticism anyway?
And surely mums look different all the time

I know I’m missing the point (his comment could definitely be considered offensive, eg as if you let yourself go) but surely two day old hair is normal? Washing your hair everyday isn’t standard is it, especially if you have coloured or curly hair?

Oh come on 10000thusername, can we put that tired old ‘misinformation presented as universal fact’ crap to bed?

When i think about "Looking like a mum"
I think of a mother who has let herself go. (Think extra weight, scruffy hair, dressing down...etc)

So, no, not exactly a nice thing to be called.

What does a 'mum' look like anyway? Everyday I see hundreds of mums, we all look different! There's no one description that fits. However op if I was told I looked like a mum I would probably be offended too as I would assume that they mean I look tired, disheveled, carrying baby weight etc. I would question what they meant by that though and then tell them to do one!

Half an hour a day to wash, dry and straighten hair? Hah I wish. I have shoulder length hair that I have to get thinned out. It still takes the hairdresser 45 minutes to dry it. If I want to wash, dry and straighten it, i need at the very minimum an hour, more like an hour 15. Why do people assume that because they manage something, everyone else should be able to as well?

OP your friend's partner is a thoughtless twat. I'm sure he probably didn't mean to be unkind, but really, why he felt the need to say such a thing I have no idea.