Annoyed! Apparently I 'look like a mum'

[champagneplanet]

Okay, so I may be a bit over sensitive here so talk me down if you think it's needed.

Met an old friends partner today, don't see them as regularly as we'd like, however her and I are good friends. Was in the supermarket, trying to fit in a shop with DC2 whilst DD1 doing her hobby.

Exchanged pleasantries and then he commented 'I almost didn't recognise you, you look like a mum'. Didn't say anything at the time, but now i'm less than impressed. It's my day off, I have an unruly toddler in a busy supermarket, doing a big shop with two day old hair and a jacket I hate (as I misjudged the weather and it was the only one in the car).

I definitely wasn't a compliment. AIBU to ask what do 'mums' look like??

Mums.... I can honestly say I love the supportive 'don't give a fuck' comments here. Women supporting women is so nice to see, rather than getting on your high lonely horse.

I think he was very rude. Best response would have been, "what do you mean?"
Then " well you hardly resemble a young Brad Pitt do you? "
Years ago we met some friends for a night out Dd1 was about 6 months old. The woman of the couple said to me "Wow you look fantastic, not mumsy at all. " We didn't keep in touch.

Thanks so much PurpleFlower1983! We got super super lucky and caught the first egg two weeks after starting to try after being told I had subfertility. But I’ve been wanting this for the past few years and put a lot of effort into meeting the right man who wanted kids and would make a good father, working and saving for a property and getting my health the best it can be. We’ve not even made it out of the first trimester yet (two weeks to go) but I’m taking comfort from the fact we got this far in the first place. I’m definitely ready now at 31! 💜

When people say you look like a granny then you worry.

Manchester Born is an evil troll surely?! I guess we only have her word for it about her body that bounced back a couple of weeks after giving birth and her flawless face without makeup 😂

The point is it's irrelevant, this man had no business making any comment about the OP's appearance. I also agree with PP's, looking like a mum shouldn't be an insult. It's our mindset that's the problem, not the OP's looks.

Men make stupid remarks to and about women all the time, don't give it a minutes thought.

yes BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney anyone who has a different opinion than yours is a troll. That's how it works

Cheeky sod. You should have told him he looked like a grandad.
Ps.I never washed my hair everyday even before kids,it's bad for it.

I bet ManchesterBorn is a red 👀

@BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney

PMSL at your post from 11.43! 😄🤣😂

The point is it's irrelevant, this man had no business making any comment about the OP's appearance. I also agree with PP's, looking like a mum shouldn't be an insult. It's our mindset that's the problem, not the OP's looks.

EXACTLY. It's got fuck-all to do with ANYONE how a woman looks.

This man is a misogynist twat. As I said, he would NEVER have said a similar thing to a man. Should have told the OP to cheer up too!

100% agree with this!
"The point is it's irrelevant, this man had no business making any comment about the OP's appearance. I also agree with PP's, looking like a mum shouldn't be an insult. It's our mindset that's the problem, not the OP's looks."

No, 'looking like a mum' is not a bad thing.

But it's quite clear that this man meant it as an insult, and was suggesting the OP is frumpy and dowdy.

I hate when people say “having a child is no excuse” sometimes it really bloody is!

I think these people struggle to envision that not everyone has the same experience of motherhood as they do - different levels of support/sleep/health issues related to the pregnancy or birth etc. The difference in me physically and mentally after DD1 was vastly different to how I changed physically and mentally when her sister came along 14 months later.

I don’t think the poster who puts her DC in front of Peppa to do her hair is wrong at all (I’ve done this) and I don’t believe Mother’s should martyr themselves either but take it easy on those of us who really don’t have the time/energy/will to wash our hair daily right now! I could have a shower right now but I’m beyond exhausted and just want to sit on mumsnet for 10 mins instead. So what? Motherhood is tough enough without all the judgement from both camps.

Shallowhals I'm sorry to hear that, for me doing my make up and putting nice clothes on was a way of keeping me sane, I found motherhood very difficult, my son wouldn't sleep and was born prematurely (in hospital for the first 3 months), I missed work so much, I missed my friends so much, so to look like my old self was a way of keeping one foot in my old life. Motherhood can be so bloody hard

Well i bet he looked like a twat. Better to look like a mum than a twat op!

Blimey.

Some folk really need to develop a thicker skin..,

A responsible and capable adult female.
A female who isn't dressed like a teenager nor someone desparately on the pull

Hmm, women who aren't mums look like this too btw. All some of you are doing is insulting those of us who aren't mums in response to a shit joke.

I actually have 5 day old hair..... no because I have unruly children and have no time to wash it - simply because everyone knows it’s VERY bad to wash your hair every night/ regularly......

Ok, what's wrong with looking like a mum?

" Oh X, I almost didn't recognise you as well, it's amazing how much you look like a rude arsehole!"

Did you look very different pre-kids?

If you used to wear very stylish outfits/heels/glamorous hair it was probably a surprise to see you in a mismatched jacket and mum bun! It may not be a compliment but I don't think it's a criticism either, just a thoughtless comment on how your style has changed!

I look like a mum at weekends. I work full time so wear smartish clothes and spend time on my hair and make up during the week. I bumped into a colleague in Tesco last Sunday, he almost didn't recognise me dragging my 4 year old along, in jeans and a hoodie, no make up and hair in a frizzy ponytail 😂

@Mummoomoocow I don't think that's true at all.... since when were only 18 yos with their tits out sexually attractive to men?

You've never found a beautiful 35 year old, dressed in a white shirt and jeans sexy?

Weird comment.

I bet ManchesterBorn is a red 👀

I don't know what that means?

I didn't mean for this thread to become a debate on how regularly one should wash their hair or for people to become offended, we all have our own way of doing things that work for us and that's fine.

I haven't been feeling my best lately and may have taken it totally the wrong way. However I don't see why he needed to comment on my appearance at all, it makes me think I look very different, and the fact that he didn't say I looked well for it suggests I don't!