Annoyed! Apparently I 'look like a mum'

[champagneplanet]

Okay, so I may be a bit over sensitive here so talk me down if you think it's needed.

Met an old friends partner today, don't see them as regularly as we'd like, however her and I are good friends. Was in the supermarket, trying to fit in a shop with DC2 whilst DD1 doing her hobby.

Exchanged pleasantries and then he commented 'I almost didn't recognise you, you look like a mum'. Didn't say anything at the time, but now i'm less than impressed. It's my day off, I have an unruly toddler in a busy supermarket, doing a big shop with two day old hair and a jacket I hate (as I misjudged the weather and it was the only one in the car).

I definitely wasn't a compliment. AIBU to ask what do 'mums' look like??

Christ, you'd hate me. I'm currently rocking 4 day old hair.
FFS, everyone's different.
Nothing wrong with two day old hair at all. Different hair types and all that.

MN post 1am on a Saturday is a sight to behold.

Oh no he was definitely rude. I’m not questioning that. I just don’t understand why she would have two day old hair.

He was rude. But you also feel the need to say it was ok for him to be rude because '2 day old hair is unacceptable' and somehow you have processed this as you NOT being rude too

OKAY THEN....

'Basic self care' does not require daily showing. Nor perfect hair on a daily basis.

Showering too often is bad for you (and the environment). And not using straighters does not mean you are some how deficient in self care.

30 mins daily to straighten your hair? Life is too fucking short for that.

Who cares! Really. If you have 5 day old hair, fuck it, it has nothing to do with anyone else.

People really need to get a life and focus on their own lives and ignore others - what the fuck does it matter if someone has '2 day old hair', apart from if they aren't being friendly and kind.

SoCallMeMaybe well done on your straight hair.

hopes children aren't in same class

Can’t believe some of the comments thinking all hair needs to be washed everyday .I understand the type that gets greasy after one day might but most people doesn’t . Dry , coarse hair like mine looks so much better by day 4 or 5 . Before and after kids.
Ignore his comment - it’s fine to look like ‘a mum ‘

Whether it was meant that way or not, I'm afraid I would interpret it as someone saying I looked frumpy and I would think they were being rude. The fact that he said it reflects far worse on him as a person than it does on your appearance though.

Why don’t mums have time to wash their hair? This genuinely baffles me

You obviously get baffled easily.

Some children can’t be left for 10 minutes whilst you take a shower. You are on your own because the father works away, you are in a new area and you have no family.

I have 2 with similar age difference to op. Dd has ADD, Ds ADHD, he walked at 9 months and would climb up the curtains to jump off the windowsill or open a cupboard, childlocks meant nothing to him and pull everything out.

I literally didn’t take my eyes off them when they were awake, which was for all of the day.

So no not all mums have time to wash hair or do make up.

YEah what wrong with 'looking like a Mum?'

A responsible and capable adult female.
A female who isn't dressed like a teenager nor someone desparately on the pull
A female who is in the prime of her reproductive years

Why is 'being a mum' a bad thing at all which is somehow interpreted as an insult?

From what I've seen of MNetters, Mums can wipe the flaw with politicians and idiots who think that Mums are mentally inferior in some way.

SoCallMeMaybe nothing wrong with taking some time for your appearance if it makes you feel good! I've been called neglectful for wearing makeup before 😂 bloody ridiculous. My hair type means I've needed to wash it every day since I can remember. Shower with hair wash and doing my makeup probably takes a max of 30 mins per day in total. I value myself enough to believe I'm worth spending that time on. My other half takes longer to get ready. A shower alone takes him 30 mins 😂 funnily enough no one has said anything negative about his parenting because of it.

So shower when they sleep. That’s what I do. The hair straightening isn’t compulsory I do it because it looks crap when I don’t. But being clean is important.

Wow, umm I go to work with 4 day, and this week, 5 day old hair! People love my hair (I get lots of compliments about it being stunning). It's not manky or oily by that stage. Fortunately for me I've got curly hair that goes from super curly day one to big blow out curls by day four. I wash my hair at night, tie it up to sleep and it's still wet come morning. I'm not going to wash it daily!

Flipping heck, why are we all jumping on someone that spends half an hour for herself a day. Shocking! I know as a mum you’re meant to be a massive martyr and never doing anything that might make you a bit happy, but jeez.

For what it’s worth I do my hair and makeup everyday (the first thing I did after giving birth and breastfeeding dd was shower and put makeup on). Even when dd was newborn I still showered and got ready. I’ve done it since I was in my teens and would feel completely out of place and strange if I didn’t. Takes half an hour, dd is with me when I do it. I really don’t see why that is such a bad thing?

If you don’t wear makeup or don’t mind 2 day hair that’s also absolutely fine, but being uppity about it at the expense of another person is just grim.

And I'm really struggling to figure out how two day old hair equates to not showering daily? Using that logic I shower once, maybe twice a week LOL

It’s not a bad thing. It’s a perfectly normal thing in the real world.

Holy shit. You left the house without washing your hair?Are you some kind of deviant? 🤣

I wash my hair every third day. I don't give a shit what any one else thinks I should do with it. Tbh is rather an extra half hour in my kip than spend the same amount of time straightening it. I have washed my hair every third day since I was about 15. Cock all to do with being a mum. Yer pal was an arsehole. Probably a thoughtless, daft arsehole rather than vindictive though.

Thank you for your replies.

For the record, I do shower daily, maybe not hair but if you had my hair you'd understand why. Make up was done though and hair in a bun so I was more than presentable for the days tasks

My point was the way he made me feel, and that he could freely comment on my appearance . Yes I am a mum, that's a fact, and i'm bloody proud. But it's the way he said it that's bothered me I think.

I’m very proud of being a mum
My kids are older now so I actually do manage a shower and hair wash every day. Makeup too
When they were little I found other things took precedent so I maybe wasn’t as groomed as usual.
Seriously how bloody judgmental are some people

YOU DO NOT NEED TO SHOWER EVERY DAY. INDEED THIS CAN BE AN UNHEALTHY HABIT.

SO SAYS SCIENCE.

GOOGLE IT.

Honestly the idea that you are somehow cleaner for showering every day is a complete and utter myth. And indeed it is suggested is bad for your skin.

And mustard. No one is jumping on someone for spending 30 mins on themselves. They are jumping on someone who very rudely judged someone else for not spending their 30 mins in the same way.

My skin is fine 🤷🏻‍♀️

But it's the way he said it that's bothered me I think.

Why are you letting yourself be bothered by someone who has a contempt for his mother and all other women who may or may not have carried a child?

It's him who has the problem. Not you.

I hate that folk feel entitled to talk about others' appearances. I work with a "oh you look well" /"you look shattered" person and it is rude and undermining even if it isn't meant to be.

Jeez...with dry shampoo I normally go 3 days every hair wash (I have very dry hair though). Day 1: wash- hair down. Day 2: hair brush, hair down. Normally looks the same. Day 3: dry shampoo & hair in bun.

If it’s any greasier then I wash more regularly. I struggle with my hair snapping off if I wash it too much but I tend to shower every day.

Anyhow, I usually have makeup on and crap hair (because I’m useless at hair). I don’t blame any mother but I’d feel pissed off if I was told I looked only like someone who had expelled another human from my body.

Why didn’t you ask him what he meant exactly accompanied by a hard stare?

And as for it being a joke, it’s not a joke if no ones laughing and it’s generally what fuckwits say when you call them on their bullshit “but I was Jooooookkkkking”.

2 day old hair is gross.