Party invite - me or other mum?

[Booboostwo]

DD is 8yo, DS is 4yo and they go to school with a little girl, let’s call her Christiana , who is 5yo so not in the same class as either DC. Christiana’s mum has form for mild party CF which may be colouring my view so here’s the whole story.

Back in September DS was handing out invites to his birthday party before school. He invited his whole class plus some friends from outside school so 30 4yos in all which was more than enough for me. Christiana saw the invites and asked DS for one even though she was not invited. I gently pointed this out but Christiana insisted. Her mother was standing next to her and never said a word so in the end I felt sorry for Christiana and gave her an extra invite. She’s just a 5yo, not her fault but I was surprised at the mum.

A few months later Christiana was handing out invites for her birthday party and she went up to DS to tell him that he was not invited as her mother had said she cannot invite the whole school just her class (the irony!). Again the mum overheard all this and didn’t intervene, i had to step in and tell Christiana that it was fine and there was no need to press the point with DS. Again not Christiana’s fault but odd behaviour from the mum.

It is now DD’s turn and she was handing out invites. There is a new boy in her class, Christian, and DD made a mistake and gave his invite to Christiana. So I let Christiana’s mum know about the misunderstanding, explained that DD was inviting her class of 8yos and had gotten confused and the mum said she would speak to Christiana about it. The next day the mum told me that Christiana couldn’t be made to understand the mistake and would be coming to the party.

I do feel sorry for Christiana, it was DD’s mistake but I also feel the mum is CF through out!

Message back and say clearly I have withdrawn the invitation and she’s not welcome - there isn’t space for her.

Or cancel and change the venue

My kids aren't at school yet but wouldn't it be easier to wait until they're in class to hand out the invitations? Why is this 5yo girl always around?

The mum is weird to make her go to a party she's not invited to!

Oh my, this happened to us! DS gave the invitation to the ‘wrong’ Alice! I didn’t know but the he then told her it wasn’t meant for her and she cried. The mum (who I didn’t know) texted to decline but I replied apologising for the mix up and said she would be very welcome. She didn’t come but I felt guilty about it.

Just say, that is fine but she will not get cake or a party bag due to numbers and can't take part in the activities

And as a side please stop giving party invites out in front of everyone.

How on earth did your 8 year old confuse a 5 year old in another class with someone in her class?

Just text/talk to the mother and apologise but make it clear that her dd is not invited and can't come. Ask her if she'd like you to explain it to her daughter. Honestly, if you don't just give in when challenged people will find it much harder to take advantage of you.

Why would your 8yo think that a 5yo was invited to their party?

Chucklecheeks1 how do you give out invites? Do you go to everyone’s home? It’s a small village school so the classroom includes DCs from other years (and still Christiana is not even in the same room as either of my DCs) so there is no time before, during or after school that I would see just the invitees.

Antigonads she was excited and she’s 8!

The party is at our house so we can’t run away and DD is off to hospital for three weeks right after the party so I can’t change the date either.

Just message back with something like “so sorry for the mistake but she really can’t come, I’ll pick the invitation back up from you at school”.

We had a bit of a moment like this, DS had a party invite mixed up with his birthday cards from his birthday party. The name on the front was similar to DS’s but it wasn’t his, I opened the envelope thinking it was a card and saw it was a party invite and there wasn’t a card from this child so clearly it had been mixed up. I took it to school and checked with child’s mum - it wasn’t for DS and he hadn’t actually been invited, no problem at all.

The fact that she has form for this isn’t clouding your judgement, she’s a CF. Tell her DD is not invited.

It sounds very weird that this girl is always around when invites are handed round also how did DD mistake a 5 year old girl for an 8 year old boy in her class? In future if you're inviting the whole class just do invites in class if it's just a select few do WhatsApp invites.

It is strange that this girl's mum wants her DD to go to a party she's not invited to for a completely different age group if kids.

I think you just have to message back saying. “Sorry for the mistake but she’s not invited.” She’s being a CF and a bit useless as a parent really.

Just message back and reiterate that she’s not invited and therefore please don’t bring her as you’d hate for her daughter to get even more upset when you don’t let her in your house. She can either deal with her daughter’s disappointment in private or on your doorstep but it’s party for 8 year olds, not 5 year olds!

I think that giving out invitations like that is not working for you as a method . You should try to be more subtle.

Are 5 year olds left at parties? Just tell her the party is not age appropriate for a 5 year old.

Point out that the invitation was addressed to Christian not Christiana, and that she really is not invited. Also point out that she would hate a party full of 8 year olds who presumably aren't her friends in school.

Mum is a big CF but I’d probably let her come as the idea of a 5 year old thinking she’s coming to a party then being told she isn’t makes me feel quite sad.
Having said that I think you’re perfectly within your rights to say she can’t come and that it’s a party for 8 year olds. What will you do if she turns up anyway?

Tell her that there will be no party bag and the group of 8 year olds won't be including her in their "grown up" games as they will understandably resent a 5 year old being there.

Just repeat that she is not invited and will not be allowed into your home.

Yes you need to be firm with the mother

User don’t be so bloody wet. A 5 year old can easily be distracted by something else a different activity on the same day. She probably won’t even realise what day it unless the cf mother keeps going on about it

Are you friends with the mum (and wanting to preserve the relationship) or is she just someone you know from school?

If it’s the latter I would text her: ‘I’m sorry for the confusion about the party invites but unfortunately Christiana cannot come on this occasion. If she is struggling to understand, perhaps you could show her that the invite has someone else’s name on it and remind her how she explained to my son that he could not come to her party because it’s not possible to invite everyone. I’m sure she will understand as my son was able to.’

Can you change the time of the party, if you’re concerned she really will bring her daughter? Then if she turns up, tell the cf mum that you told the parents of the INVITED CHILDREN about the change?

I get that the 5yo is probably disappointed but that doesn’t mean you have to pander to her

Oh gosh, please don't create a situation where the girl gets dressed up, wraps a gift, and turns up to a party that doesn't exist/is on a different day!