Party invite - me or other mum?

[Booboostwo]

DD is 8yo, DS is 4yo and they go to school with a little girl, let’s call her Christiana , who is 5yo so not in the same class as either DC. Christiana’s mum has form for mild party CF which may be colouring my view so here’s the whole story.

Back in September DS was handing out invites to his birthday party before school. He invited his whole class plus some friends from outside school so 30 4yos in all which was more than enough for me. Christiana saw the invites and asked DS for one even though she was not invited. I gently pointed this out but Christiana insisted. Her mother was standing next to her and never said a word so in the end I felt sorry for Christiana and gave her an extra invite. She’s just a 5yo, not her fault but I was surprised at the mum.

A few months later Christiana was handing out invites for her birthday party and she went up to DS to tell him that he was not invited as her mother had said she cannot invite the whole school just her class (the irony!). Again the mum overheard all this and didn’t intervene, i had to step in and tell Christiana that it was fine and there was no need to press the point with DS. Again not Christiana’s fault but odd behaviour from the mum.

It is now DD’s turn and she was handing out invites. There is a new boy in her class, Christian, and DD made a mistake and gave his invite to Christiana. So I let Christiana’s mum know about the misunderstanding, explained that DD was inviting her class of 8yos and had gotten confused and the mum said she would speak to Christiana about it. The next day the mum told me that Christiana couldn’t be made to understand the mistake and would be coming to the party.

I do feel sorry for Christiana, it was DD’s mistake but I also feel the mum is CF through out!

This should have said "envelope" again.

No it shouldn't. It should ova said the other thing. Autocorrect did it again even though O typed and corrected it to Cinnamon's fab typo.

I hate Autocorrect.

ova

the BASTARD!

DD doesn’t know anything about all this. She was upset when she realized she’d made a mistake, I told her not to worry and that was that.

Christian has, of course, been invited. I have no clue if he’s coming as his parents have not RSVPed, but neither have half the invitees. This week is chase up week to get some kind of confirmation on numbers.

Bonkers mother.

At our school, no idea if this is the norm or not but invites are given to the teacher and they are distributed appropriately.

I'm not sure this is an appropriate use of teacher's time tbh but it happens and teachers certainly don't complain.

Sorry just rtft.

If teachers won't give out and it's not the done thing to hand them out in the playground I do wonder what the recommended method is.

You could pop on Facebook if everyone and/or WhatsApp the ones you have on WhatsApp but not sure about anyone else. Don't know where they live!

I must be a complete doormat as I had entirely resigned myself to having an extra guest! And of course I will not turn the little girl away at the door! But I am too embarrassed to bring this up with the mum again...total doormat!

Yep. It's just a shame that you being such a doormat has already negatively affected your children and will continue to in the future.

It will never cease to amaze me how many doormats and spineless people there are on mumsnet. These are basic adult functions like saying to no tiny children. This is like a bizarro world to me. How on earth do you people function on a daily basis?? Are you doormats able to wash your ass by yourselves or do you need other people’s approval for that too?? Good grief.

Keep repeating it. She’s not invited. Turn them away if they do turn up.

While I agree it is spineless not to want engage the mum in a third discussion to tell her she cannot bring her DD, why do you think my behaviour has negatively affected my children? This sounds grossly exaggerated and frankly a bit bitchy in the context - I have clarified that DD knows nothing about these discussions, all she knows is that she invited the wrong child but that is not a problem, we just have one more guest.

Uninviting a five year old is a deeply shitty thing to do, whatever you think of the mother.
I'm astonished that so many mumsnetters, parents themselves, are encouraging you to do that. Your DD is showing much more kindness, empathy and maturity than many of the adults here. Be proud of her.

This is a very unsatisfying thread. I really need you to send november's message and then report back what the CF says in response.

There can be no other outcome.

I know it isn’t the point of the thread but I am thinking of my 8 (now 9) year old DD giving out her party invitations and giving one to a child in infants who she doesn’t recognise/does recognise and knows she’s not invited because she’s well... in infants by mistake instead of a Y3/Y4 child. I cannot even fathom how this could occur.

I'm not sure this is an appropriate use of teacher's time tbh but it happens and teachers certainly don't complain.

No, it's not an appropriate use of our time, or a TA's, and I bet they do complain (behind the scenes). We've been specifically told not to get involved.

Did the 5 year old read the invitation herself?

Uninviting a five year old is a deeply shitty thing to do, whatever you think of the mother

Not really. If your child received an invite for a party of a much older child, you’d question if that invite was correct surely?

She’s have some brass neck to turn up knowing she wasn’t invited - and if she refused to accept she wasn’t invited you’d take them out in the day and ‘forget’ the party was happening!! Not that difficult really.

I agree the mum is a CF and I would also let the 5 yr old come to the party. I let a lot of things go and I think my life is richer for it. It was up to the CF mum to tell her daughter she couldn't come and she didn't. Doesn't make you a doormat OP. Just a kind and easygoing person.

Embarrassment is what keeps cf's in business. The little girl is only 5 but she is learning from her mum if you are pushy you are rewarded. An (uninvited) 5 year old will be a pain attached a party for 8 year olds, don't do it to your DD. I would say no and be clear you mean it.

We do NOT wish to get involved with playground politics outside of school

You don’t speak for all schools and all teachers - ours specifically ask us to distribute invitations via them.

@OhDearGodLookAtThisMess I love your username. It has me doubled over laughing. You can hear the distress and exasperation in the words! 😂

If you don’t want to speak to the mum again why not write a note to her and get your DD or DS to give it to her DD.

Use one of the brilliant responses posted on here.

Tell her that there's no room so she won't be let in as she's not invited

Ffs the girl is 5 just ignore the date she'll never know what bloody days she's meant to be there

Crappy CF shit mum (her, not you!)

Can you not ask the mum to tell Christina that she was not invited as you had said your DD cannot invite the whole school just her class. Those are Christina's words, she should understand them.

I know this is missing the point of the post but I can’t believe there are people out there that think the teacher should spend their time putting party invitations in book bags. I teach older children and my school doesn’t allow this anyway, but I would absolutely refuse to do it.

Why ask who's wrong if you don't want to do anything about it. Tell her no and that's it. No more discussion.

I don’t think you’re being a doormat OP. The mum might well be a CF, but you are being a kind person. We need more of them. Hope your DD has a lovely birthday :)