Getting old is harder for attractive people

[SignedUpJust4This]

My sister is really struggling with accepting the aging process. She is approaching 50 and it's all she talks about. I am a bit younger but couldn't care less.

I am trying to work out if this is simply because I'm younger or if it's because she was always the good looking one. I am not worried about losing my looks as such because I never had any in the first place. Is aging harder to accept when you were previous a looker? Interested to hear other people's experiences.

This should bring out all the vain ones !

I don't see the likes of Honor Blackman or Linda Grey crying into their cornflakes

Not all people lose their looks. Some like Princess Anne actually grow into them.

I think ageing is harder if you were a. previously good-looking, and b. relied on your looks to get you through and so didn’t really appreciate or develop other qualities like wit, kindness, wisdom etc.

Looks alone don’t make a difference.

I think ageing is harder if you think youthful good looks matter more then your personality does.

My beloved auntie died at 52. When I see a wrinkle in the mirror and complaining about it to myself, I remind myself of my mothers words:
“Your auntie would have loved to get a face full of wrinkles.”

Are you saying you were ugly and unnattracive, OP?

I've never relied on my looks, so couldnt' care less. But neither have I see myself as ugly and unnattractive. But on some level, I get the motivatoin from young people desperate to, er, "be together" , so understand.

Now I'm older, I realise its spiritual as much as anything else ...

You're probably right. In the same way I never liked my figure so wasn't that upset when pregnancy ruined it further.

I was never especially attractive - did like my body though and hate the way it is ageing - I genuinely never thought those changes would happen till I was 60!

My marriage has broken down though. I think its harder ageing if you are single and would like to find a new partner. I don't think I would be arsed by ageing if I were happily married.

I was very pretty until I was about 30 and really struggled with becoming invisible. It got even worse after I had a baby. I gave up wearing makeup because it was a waste of time, no matter how hard I try I’m still invisible.

I've always been plain in an understated way - I mean not ugly, but not pretty (a friend once said I became more attractive the more he knew me) - but I am "growing into" my looks. It helps that I have great hair, and good cheekbones. Just not particularly good looking. I'm 60.

Im very aware of the fact that I'm starting to lose my looks.

I'm getting older, 3rd baby has made me very tired. I look fucking awful and I used to be hot.

Yes it bothers me.

Meh I’ve always been “attractive” but never done up or that arsed about looks
Always cared more about my career/distance running which I do to a decent level

I definitely think that if you’ve defined yourself by your looks, and your feelings of self worth are tied up in being attractive, then yes, ageing is probably harder.

I’ve never felt like I was attractive, never thought I looked hot, so ageing is less hard hitting I think.

My sister went into therapy for it.

I guess it’s harder if you get a large part of your identity being sexually attractive to men. Luckily I didn’t it’s frankly a relief! Love not being leered at

But totally agree about looks v character.

Partly because I've always been plain (& have one pretty and one exceptionally beautiful sister), I've never been able to rely on looks - I don't have any. So I've had to be funny, kind, and interested in other people to be "attractive".

At 60, I'm so glad I have never relied on my looks.

I think the Insta generation are going to end up getting a fuckload of cosmetic surgery. My much younger sisters are much more vain than I ever was.

My husband had a bit of a meltdown when he lost his hair. His looks were the least of his attractive wualities-very intelligent and charming. And he’s still more handsome than 90% of men but apparently not looking like a male model was very difficult for him. I on the other hand wouldn’t quite know what it’s like having always been average looking.

It probably is harder to deal with if you’ve always relied on your looks and felt that when they ‘go’ you’ve little else.
I find that sad.

It really gets my goat when attractive (usually women) say things like
“Oh it’s been so hard looking like this, nobody takes you seriously when you are so attractive “

To which I reply (in my head)
Try looking like a potato and see how hard your life is you self obsessed, shallow person

It's not generally harder for attractive people, it's harder for vain people who place a ridiculously high value on appearing young.

That said I do have random days every now and then when I am very attractive (lots of attention but only for one day at a time). So I suppose if that was normal for me it might be weird to suddenly loose that.

I was quite attractive. I'm not unattractive now but I'm pretty fat and my skin isn't great. I have a really obvious ice pick scar that I'm really conscious of and would obviously rather be slimmer, but not prepared to deprive myself. I get more satisfaction from supporting my family and being good at my job. I guess if I had lots of time on my hands it'd bother me more.

Can you be neither plain, nor "hot"?

I mean, surely you can be beautiful, in your own way?

Realise the "hot, shaggable" thing is - a bit weird and widespread, but not quite the same as "losing your looks".

If you are beautiful you will be a beautiful version of your age, however some people are attractive because they are young, my DH calls it youth beauty, so it depends on what category your sister is in, if she relied on her youth to make her attractive she might find it hard to accept.

I have always been ugly now I am old and ugly. I have had to get used to it but it's not that bad once you accept it.

Attractive people have personality and other qualities to rely on whereas purely pretty, vacuous people might struggle with the loss of looks. It is a struggle yes, to find you're becoming invisible but it's an inevitability that we're going to age, you have to learn to accept it.

I think that ageing is probably harder for shallow people who trade on their looks. I've known lots of really beautiful women who never thought that they were anything more than just about acceptable. Mostly they were happier for it, but I have known a few who used their looks (and also their sexuality) to get what they wanted and they struggled when that stopped working.

When I look at pictures of me in my 20's I think that I looked really pretty, but at the time I didn't (but I didn't think I was hideous either). I wanted to look good because basically I wanted to get laid, but I never worried about being beautiful. Even now I don't really think about my face- I mean it stops the insides of my head from falling out, and it stores the things I need to see, smell and eat and it doesn't seem to have any structural defects or diseases, but apart from functioning reasonably well I couldn't tell you if it's a good face or not.

I totally see the point about it being harder for single women though. I don't care about being attractive to men (or anyone else) and it doesn't affect my life if I'm not, so it is definitely easier for me.