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Original poster

Getting old is harder for attractive people

265 replies

SignedUpJust4This · 17/05/2019 18:32

My sister is really struggling with accepting the aging process. She is approaching 50 and it's all she talks about. I am a bit younger but couldn't care less.

I am trying to work out if this is simply because I'm younger or if it's because she was always the good looking one. I am not worried about losing my looks as such because I never had any in the first place. Is aging harder to accept when you were previous a looker? Interested to hear other people's experiences.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 18/05/2019 00:59

I don't really agree. It's not great to be young and unattractive, but it's horrible to be older and unattractive.
Youth is attractive in itself to some extent, so when unattractive women get older, we have nothing.

YouBumder · 18/05/2019 00:59

Better than the alternative, as they say.

And amen to that

justarandomtricycle · 18/05/2019 01:04

It feels hard for people who thought a lot of their own looks and focused their social attractiveness on them, to lose those looks. That way injured narcissism lies. Easier when young, tougher when you age.

For people who are as rough as a scottie dog's arsehole from the start, life tends to get better as the attractive points you develop get more attractive, and the self-consciousness about your looks wears away a bit with age and wisdom. Tougher when you're young, easier as you age.

IABUQueen · 18/05/2019 01:06

Men seem to enjoy ageing or not mind it

Because as young people the efforts were more on their performance and talents and less on their cute looks.. lovely hair... gorgeous body..

So I think.

Sproutsandall · 18/05/2019 01:10

I’m 44 and I’m never felt so attractive as I do now. When I was younger, I was crippilingly shy, whereas now I have absolutely no fucks left to give. I might not objectively look as good as I did at 25, but now I actually like what I see when I look in the mirror. I’m middle-aged and married, so not trying to attract a man, and any bit of improvement i do, such as putting on make-up, is purely for me. I totally recommend aging, as a concept. Grin

Crushedvelvetcouch · 18/05/2019 01:10

Actually though, on balance I think perhaps as a woman your intelligence comes to the fore of your attributes once the first flush of youth has vacated the building.

I've always been quite bright but its commented upon more since I have got in to my thirties and peoole are less taken with my looks.

Swings and roundabouts I suppose.

SomethingOnce · 18/05/2019 01:15

Youth is attractive in itself to some extent

The attractiveness of youthfulness is only visible to older people, really.

I see the pleasing youthfulness of even the plainest young women in my workplace, but they’re still plain within (and probably to) their peer group.

It’s one of life’s more unkind tricks.

70sWitch · 18/05/2019 01:19

Hmmn. I've always looked pretty awful without makeup and pretty good with it. That hasn't changed really.

I know I've aged but as long as I can "put my face on" when I feel like it, I really don't care. Grin 💄

Trebla · 18/05/2019 01:20

Getting older is only harder for people who experience more physical pain in their body due to aging. That's it.

SomethingOnce · 18/05/2019 01:22

I’m 44 and I’m never felt so attractive as I do now ... I actually like what I see when I look in the mirror ... I totally recommend aging, as a concept Grin

Love, love, love this, Sproutsandall Star

Long may you feel amazing Flowers

notangelinajolie · 18/05/2019 01:45

I don't think you miss what you've never had - I've never bothered about putting on weight as I've got older because I was never had an amazing figure in the first place.

But I did used to have nice hair. It was my shining glory and now it's gone. So yes, I agree with the OP - getting old is harder is you have something to loose.

My hair was the thickest, glossiest darkest hair imaginable. People used to notice me and compliment me on my lovely hair. Now all I see when I look in the mirror is a shiny scalp glaring out beneath colour treated pale peach coarse strands of fuzz. No matter how much I spend at the hairdressers there is no hope - there is nothing whatsoever I can do to make it nice again. There is no point in me loosing weight and having an amazing figure or putting make up on or wearing nice clothes because no one would see beyond my shiny head. I used to be pretty - now I don't know the person I see in the mirror. I know it's me but I don't look like me anymore and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change that. I have given up no choice really and have accepted that I am now one of the life's invisibles. I used to be a pretty, petite brunette. Now I'm a very thinning haired, grey pale peach fat, middle aged woman.

Is it any wonder I don't leave the house any more? Getting old is pants.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 18/05/2019 02:05

@notangelinajolie But who you are inside isn't defined by your gorgeous hair, is it?

The most popular person in my circle of friends - the one who makes friends everywhere she goes and gets invited to every party going - is an overweight, late-50s woman who's definitely '"lost her looks" compared with photos taken 20 years ago.

But people love her because she's so intelligent, warm and fun.

notangelinajolie · 18/05/2019 02:35

I agree you aren't defined by your hair but it is really upsetting when you are talking to someone and it is really obvious where their eyes are directed.
I am really encouraged though to read posts of people being positive and feeling good about themselves but for me putting make up on would make no difference. Infact I think it would make me feel more ridiculous. Better to not get noticed in my case I think.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/05/2019 02:51

"My parents were always quick to point out that although my sister was more attractive I had the brains so I've always been more academic than her. But even on my wedding day she looked far better than I did.

I'm pretty sure my parents managed to fuck us both up with this one observation."

Yep, I could well believe it. If your sister was praised for her looks as a child, at some level she will feel that that is how she is 'valued' - and as her looks change as she ages, she feels subconsciously that her 'value' is diminishing Sad. That must create some anxiety.

deadsexy · 18/05/2019 02:58

Agree with @Brian9600 if looks were what was needed to get you what you wanted in life then it must be hard to except that your loosing your main quality

deadsexy · 18/05/2019 03:11

Botox and fillers done right won't make you look younger, just better, softer around the edges.

PregnantSea · 18/05/2019 03:22

I think people who are very attractive tend to still be attractive when they old

Sobeyondthehills · 18/05/2019 03:24

I learnt at an early age that I was going to get bullied for my looks, so I decided to not give a fuck.

The main thing getting pregnant did for me, was stop me drinking 3 bottles of wine a day and smoking 40 a day. I will take the stretch marks

PerkingFine · 18/05/2019 03:29

@notangelinajolie - I'd recommend getting in touch with @ilovecherries and asking her to link to photos of her in the wigs she wears. They look fantastic - and natural.

RantyAnty · 18/05/2019 03:50

I don't think it is so much the individual's fault.

Society thumps it into women's head from a very young age that being young and attractive is the most important quality for a woman to have.

Older women just become invisible. They don't matter anymore.

We're all going to age but it is a damn shame that older women aren't valued. They're mocked, criticised, discarded, ignored.

PollyPelargonium52 · 18/05/2019 04:32

If you parents looked good for their advancing age then odds on you will too.

Luckily my mum looked great in her seventies despite being in a nursing home and I anticipate looking youthful most of my life.

I do have a hangup about getting older though. I don't like the thought of my body slowing falling to bits.

Ghanagirl · 18/05/2019 06:17

@Fairylea do you really think you lost your looks at 26?

LellyMcKelly · 18/05/2019 06:20

I’m 50. My partner of 4 years tells me at least one a week that I’m a gorgeous looking woman. I look like a sock full of tomatoes, but I am charmed by his terrible eyesight 😂

Itsnotme123 · 18/05/2019 06:42

I seemed to attract men all through my 20s and 30s, I had a really good figure too. When I had my second baby at age 38 my figure went to pot, like the elastic band broke, men stopped leering which was a relief. Now I’m nearing 60 I hate my figure,

My cousin has always been a stunner even now she’s 80.

Why2 · 18/05/2019 07:09

I am 50 too and sadly got divorced last year. From someone who hadn’t been kind to me for years. I am angry with him because despite it all he was the one I wanted, and because now it’s unlikely that I will meet anyone, or even want to. It was a kinder version of him that I wanted.

But I am strong and also think who gives a shit - I see younger men look through me, but I am not interested in them either so win win Grin.

Seriously, my Mum died of breast cancer at 63, and when she was younger than that but middle aged, she used to say that she didn’t mind getting older as it meant she wasn’t dead.

I am truly grateful for the health that I have at the moment. If I was ill, it would be being here that mattered most, not my looks.

I do think I gave my most attractive years to someone who spent the second half of our 22 years together being an emotionally abusive arse to me, and because of him I generally felt shit about myself. Coupled with the fact that he lost interest in me physically and rarely touched me. I could have left then and maybe found someone I could have had a genuinely loving relationship with. Then when I finally got the courage to go through my (horrible) divorce, the first thing my ex did was get together with someone else (who hasn’t yet materialised but he is secretive) while we were forced to be in the same house for months. Long, loving phone calls late at night etc...

All of that I find hard.

On a good day I look youthful and people are surprised I am 50. Other times I catch sight of myself from an unflattering angle or in a not nice photo and it’s 😱.

But it’s knowing people which matters. We are all ages at work and get on very well. We range from 24 ish to 65, spanning all decades, and all bring something to the table. Our boss is the 65 year old, and streets ahead in intelligence and charisma, and hilarious to boot. Plus no way would you mess with her.

It is society which is ageist. Can’t see that changing soon. Especially given the growth at all costs model that is forced on us, and money being valued above all else.