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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Getting old is harder for attractive people

265 replies

SignedUpJust4This · 17/05/2019 18:32

My sister is really struggling with accepting the aging process. She is approaching 50 and it's all she talks about. I am a bit younger but couldn't care less.

I am trying to work out if this is simply because I'm younger or if it's because she was always the good looking one. I am not worried about losing my looks as such because I never had any in the first place. Is aging harder to accept when you were previous a looker? Interested to hear other people's experiences.

OP posts:
NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 17/05/2019 23:36

I am struggling with the ageing process. As my user name suggests, my looks are nowt to write home about Blush

My much prettier sister – only 16 months younger — doesn't seem to give a toss

Based on a sample size of two, there's no evidence to support the theory Grin

summerof68 · 17/05/2019 23:40

I went for botox last year and it made me look horrible. My eyelids disappeared and it looked like I was permanently frowning. I have to admit, I do miss my looks. I suppose it’s natural isn’t it. To look in a mirror and no longer see the pretty face you once had is hard to accept. I know we can still look attractive in our later years but youth and the years of looking great is so short isn’t it.

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/05/2019 23:41

stopfucking DON'T DO IT! It's SO obvious, I don't care how skilled they think they are, you can tell botox a mile off. It changes the character of your face

StillMedusa · 17/05/2019 23:52

51 here and while some days I look in the mirror and think 'shit, what happened?!' mostly I'm utterly un bothered by my wrinkles and sagging face.
I was average as a young woman, scrubbed up well, but have never been into looks, or makeup, and I'm watching my hair turn grey with fascination... I'm just becoming the next version of me!

I'm so much happier in myself as I get older, because I just don't mind being invisible...it's freeing.

HazelNutinEveryBite · 17/05/2019 23:59

59 now and hardly able to walk because of arthritis, waiting for a hip op. Once an attractive young woman, life changes one's priorities. I would rather be able to walk properly again than look good.

Yabbers · 18/05/2019 00:01

I’m shocked how many people are claiming beautiful people just rely on their looks. What a horrible thing to say. Seems very catty and bordering on envy.

Most of the really attractive people I know are really decent people.

Bloodybridget · 18/05/2019 00:07

Yes I think it must be harder to not mind, as you get saggy and wrinkled, if you've been more than averagely good-looking. I actually feel more confident about my appearance now, mid-60s, than I ever did when I was young; I certainly look my age, but I feel like no-one expects me to be "pretty".

IABUQueen · 18/05/2019 00:10

I’m a sense yes because our society is geared to give young girls attention on their looks so they attach confidence with it

Whereas average looking girls focus on deeper things to shine..

The first one dies with age the other one grows

It’s upbringing not the looks that’s the core of it though

Rachie1973 · 18/05/2019 00:13

I was traditionally ‘pretty’ I suppose. Not stunning though. I did however have a great set of knockers and lots of curves.

That all changed after 4 kids lol.

I struggled turning 40. And 6 years on I can’t believe how much I’ve aged in 10 years. I think I might be starting the menopause though and that might be making me feel low.

Bizarrely men are still attracted to me (not a stealth brag I promise) but I’m sure it’s down to a good push up bra!

Fortunately my DH tells me I’m gorgeous every day even though I know he’s biased lol. It helps :)

HoppityChicken · 18/05/2019 00:15

I never realised how much I relied on my looks until they started to fade away. And they faded away rapidly. I'm fine with it now but it was difficult for a few years to be honest. I was always scruffy pretty, now I'm just scruffy - there's room for improvement. There's also just getting on with life.

patchisagoodpup · 18/05/2019 00:18

Interesting thread. I'm married with children and for some reason I never thought I'd lose 'it'

But I have become immensely unattractive, I noticed it after 30. Worse now I'm 33.,I get greys so quickly, my skin is shit, I'm fat and can't seem to lose the weight. It's shit and it's a thing.

MsTSwift · 18/05/2019 00:19

The cliche “you don’t know what youve got til it’s gone” couldn’t be more apt.

Boulezvous · 18/05/2019 00:23

It might be harder - maybe. Fir their vanity. But they still look better than ugly peoples.

ReanimatedSGB · 18/05/2019 00:29

I think some people, who were average-looking in their younger days but sufficiently mainstream-average to be considered 'pretty', find getting older a bit difficult. There's that type of prettiness which is almost entirely made up of being young and thin and dressing according to mainstream fashion, and which unfortunately 'goes off' rather fast. And if you moved in the sort of circles where a 'pretty girl' could get attention and other benefits, suddenly finding that you're no longer a girl and no longer percieved as pretty, and the scene is now full of younger versions of you who are treated better than you because they are simply younger, well, that must sting.

ReindeerTails · 18/05/2019 00:32

Getting older is harder for vain people. Attractive people (due to features not just a youthful flush) still have vestiges of attractiveness to cushion the blow.

WasUnderThirthy · 18/05/2019 00:34

Great topic, and it hits close to home. Almost forty and just suddenly became menopaused, so I am definitely worried about my appearance.

I must say that I am happy with my appearance (late bloomer, so more appreciative?) , and yes must admit that becoming invisible is not something I look forward too, but (ahem) I hope that my personality will make up for the wrinkles!

"I'm so vain, I probably think this thread is about me" ;)

NunoGoncalves · 18/05/2019 00:43

Maybe. I think getting old is harder for people who place a lot of value on physical appearance. And good-looking people in general probably do place a higher value on physical appearance.

YouBumder · 18/05/2019 00:44

I don’t know. I’m ugly and not vain am struggling with looking old.

YouBumder · 18/05/2019 00:47

I’m 46 and don’t have any lines or wrinkles. I still look old though like my features have hardened if that makes sense

YouBumder · 18/05/2019 00:50

My currency has always been my intelligence

Same here. It’s all I’ve ever had going for me.

SomethingOnce · 18/05/2019 00:50

Attractive women ‘becoming invisible’ aka being treated like everyone else, imo.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 18/05/2019 00:51

Yeah, definitely. There was a thread on here not so long ago about becoming 'invisible' to men with age and a lot of posters hated getting older for this reason, but it didn't resonate with me at all. I've never been visible...

SomethingOnce · 18/05/2019 00:53

Being visible in that way is, at best, a mixed blessing, I think.

Crushedvelvetcouch · 18/05/2019 00:56

I don't like visibly aging because it reminds me of my slow but steady, inevitable progression to the grave.
Same for becoming generally more achy though so I don't believe its based in vanity.

I'm only thirty six so I have many years of progressive dissatisfaction ahead of me, God willing Grin

SomethingOnce · 18/05/2019 00:57

Better than the alternative, as they say.