Getting old is harder for attractive people

[SignedUpJust4This]

My sister is really struggling with accepting the aging process. She is approaching 50 and it's all she talks about. I am a bit younger but couldn't care less.

I am trying to work out if this is simply because I'm younger or if it's because she was always the good looking one. I am not worried about losing my looks as such because I never had any in the first place. Is aging harder to accept when you were previous a looker? Interested to hear other people's experiences.

I must care to some extent. I bleach my teeth, am investing more money and time in moisturizer for hands and feet, hair root touch-ups and hair removal (with the aging process this becomes increasingly hard to control). No Botox or fillers (I've considered at some point trying the latter but never the former). And I agree with what a PP said about her Auntie. From that perspective, aging should be viewed as a privilege.

Other than an increasing need for grooming that I've noticed since hitting the wrong side of 40, I don't give a whole lot of thought to how I appear to others. And there are other things that are never susceptible to the aging process: things like intelligence, wit, humour, kindness and compassion. It's very sad that women are brought up to value themselves and each other in such a way that when our looks go, we're left feeling we have nothing left worthy of note.

Don't do that to yourselves, ladies. You have plenty going for you: every last one of you. Nuts to what our shallow society thinks about what we look like

I've always been ugly, so never benefitted from being pretty and noticeable.. but I confess that ageing has hit even me harder than I thought. I work with many young beautiful people.. think that might be exacerbating my feelings about the whole thing.

I don't think it is that cut and dried. Some people seem to really struggle with it and I think that is definitely influenced by how important looks are to them (looks, and youth and sexually attracting men). But even average looking women can attach a lot of importance to looks/youth/sexually attracting men. I'm inclined to think that if you think (and have found in your life) that your mind or your personality are attractive then you're less likely to worry about your looks.

I don't really get it. I couldn't give a fiddlers if/when people know how old I am. Your looks changing is part of getting older. I don't have any interest in trying to pretend I'm something that I'm not. I'm probably influenced by my mum who always told us how old she was. And also by my reaction to young people (ie people under 70!) dying that makes me feel that fixating on looks is pointless and a total waste of energy/life.

Yes, I think that attractive people have a harder time ageing than we ordinary mortals, after all they've got more to lose. Look at all the actresses who have plastic surgery in an attempt to hang onto their looks - rather sad in a way.

Growing old gracefully is surely much better. When I was younger I never felt that I was pretty enough but in my mid-60s I feel that I've grown into my looks, such as they are.

I am average looking so I don't think it will ever be an issue for me as I never got huge amount of attention from men. Some but not to the extent some women complain about on here.

I imagine that must be difficult.

I think women are unduly harsh on themselves. And when I went to a 25 year school reunion, most of the girls looked pretty good, or even better compared to how they were as awkward teens!
What stands out for me is how badly men age compared to women.
Going on OLD sites, most men over 40 look like a bag of shit as they don't take care of themselves and are fat and/or bald with ill advised facial hair.

I have a client in her late 60s to whom I would pay darn good money for her beauty secrets. Few lines and wrinkles, does nothing to detract from her air of ‘She’s just got it’. I guess it also depends on the people around you, some people just have something about them, regardless, but if you are used to trading on looks and youth, I imagine it could be hard to adjust to ageing.

😂😂😂😂 Chiara!

A plain Jane here, never really worried about my looks, take me or leave me as I am it's up to you. I think its all a state of mind. If you put too much value on your looks you're definately going to be hit hard with the wrinkly stage but as someone very wise once said wrinkles give a person character. I think that's another way of saying as you get older you get grumpier☺

What stands out for me is how badly men age compared to women.
Going on OLD sites, most men over 40 look like a bag of shit

^ I had to laugh Chiara.

Most of those men will be lookin' for girls 20 years younger tho!

some might oblige, but disappear when they realise the price to be paid (even to the reaper)

I was a bit of an ugly mutt when I was younger (even my son was shocked at my 20 yr old self!) however I’m nearly 40 and bizarrely I’m now quite attractive!
It’s a strange thing ageing / looks..... I feel like the older I get the better looking I get (so does my sister incidentally) whereas loads of my friends are starting to really feel the ageing thing.
I think a great smile and lovely warm personality anyway makes someone so really not that bothered

compared to my peers i probably look better now at 45 than i did at 25 or 35 (have lost weight, no longer wear glasses, have the money to go to hairdressers, etc) but i still struggle a wee bit with aging process. to be fair, more with the wider sense of things i can no longer do rather than aging out of being attractive because i never was particularly "attractive" due to weight/not giving a shit!

what is it she talks about? is it all appearance focused or is it also about fitness, perimenopause symptoms, etc?

I was never pretty.

I am now very much ageing and believe me I hate it. Ageing emphasises plainess in my view. Especially when you lose tone.

I hope that enjoying other things and wryly giving up the need to be hot takes over as a person ages. I wont let myself go, but I wont deny aging either. As someone said, we are lucky to get the chance. A young lass in the pub said shed been watching how I manage things and shed like to be like that too, and that pleased me quite a lot. There's more to life than superficiality. But....I still dont plan to let myself go!

NannyOgg

Losing tone. That's the thing. It's a killer. I'm knee deep in that unfortunate land.

I hated my appearance and remember summer after summer of miserably hiding away in cardigans, denying myself the pleasure of going swimming or to the beach and feeling so miserable because of my perceived flaws. Now I’m in my mid-30s, I’m so happy not to care what anybody thinks of me. I like to look nice and I feel like I should be kind to my body in terms of exercising it and feeding it healthy food but I’m not doing any of it in order to justify my existence to other people. So I love getting older as it’s increasing my confidence every year. If I’d started out gorgeous and was used to lots of male attention , I guess I would feel the loss of that more keenly and struggle more to retain it.

I want to look good for my age. I think that some people want to look 25 when they're 45 and they're on a hiding to nothing with that one.

Beautiful people (inside and out) become more beautiful with age.

Is there anything more to be said?

Anything else is Dorian Gray.

Yup I imagine you're right OP. I'm in my thirties now and my babies have really done a number on me looks-wise. I do find it disheartening at times, particularly when I'm going to an event or say a wedding. I used to look forward to getting all dressed up and looking good but now no matter what I do I still look like shit and it does sting a bit if I'm honest...

It's not generally harder for attractive people, it's harder for vain people who place a ridiculously high value on appearing young

Spot on!

I’m going to sound like a massive arsehole writing this but I was always “sexy” when I was younger. I was very slim, long legged, sultry looking. When it was fashionable I used to wear knee high boots in a punky style and a long matrix ish coat and I felt powerful and attractive. I’m talking when I was 19-25ish.

I’m now nearly 40 and I’m not sexy in that way anymore and I hate it. Yep I can still be pretty, attractive even. But I’m not that young sexy woman I once was and I miss that.

Vain much, yes.

It is hard getting older. I don’t like the lines around my eyes or the sag around my jaw. Most of the time I’m happy with myself and don’t really care that much but I’ve sort of given up with my clothes etc a bit because I will never be sexy and youthful again.

I am told I am attractive, which is lovely and a compliment gratefully received (and I feel a tit saying it frankly!). However, I have totally embraced my older face and indeed prefer it. I think I look better now at 50 than I did in my 20's. Better make up with experience, tons of plain blue pot Nivea which I swear by, a few lines make no difference. Indeed I have decided to embrace my grey hair now as I am allergic to hair dye and it was becoming a faff to deal with using henna. I love my increasingly thick silver streaks and the contrast with the rest of my hair which is very dark, they are perfectly fine. I think rather than get depressed about it, you have to try and make the most of what you have, if you wish to of course. My Dad on the other hand, my God never was there a more vain man (but in an endearing way), he's 80 now and still thinks he's Roger Moore at 40. I do also think there is a genetic link,..my Mum looked young for her age, as did my Nanna. The one thing I wouldn't do is surgery/botox. I was watching Katie Price on something the other day and thinking that for a young woman, she has actually destroyed what was once a very pretty face and now looks much older than she actually is. I repeat, make the best of what you have and don't stress the small stuff.

Most mothers of young babies/toddlers look glowing in my opinion.

I really don't get the "having a baby has done a number on my body".

Hmm.. Thanks for your thoughts. I'm not upset by aging. A little peeved that I never got to experience what it was like to be beautiful and never will. Not even for one day!

My parents were always quick to point out that although my sister was more attractive I had the brains so I've always been more academic than her. But even on my wedding day she looked far better than I did.

I'm pretty sure my parents managed to fuck us both up with this one observation.