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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not pursue my child’s “incredible” swimming skill

318 replies

Amibeingdaft81 · 17/05/2019 11:41

Single mum, two children. One of whom is an exceptional swimmer. From that first lesson as a baby, she has utterly loved swimming and her swimming itself is unbelievably good.

She is now almost 9. She doesn’t do regular swim lessons. I buy the odd pack of 1-2-1 lessons and she has may be one every 4/5 weeks. She swims most weekends though, with her father, but purely recreational.

Anyway, at gym yesterday the teacher who has given her the 1-2-1s left a note at front desk to call him down when I next came to the gym. The first thing he said was “your daughter is the best swimmer I have ever taught by a significant margin”. He went on to say that although premature - he thinks she could be Olympian standard. He said that by not having her in a club I am doing her a disservice.

Here’s the dilemma. I’m a single working parent with no support network whatsoever. All going fairly well atm because I work damn hard at balancing all the balls and ruthlessly organised. Both children are keen sportspersons, very keen. This daughter is also very good at dross country and attends races, along with football and athletics. We are at capacity as to what I can balance.

She loves swimming and sport generally.

AIBU if I don’t pursue swimming as well? From what I can gather it’s a sport that involves very early starts and hours of training.

OP posts:
BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 17/05/2019 11:45

Ask her. She may have to let something else go as yes, being on a swimming team does mean early mornings and quite a lot at weekends with competitions etc. But definitely ask her and tell her that she's potentially very good. if you don't give her the chance she may resent you for it in the future.

clairemcnam · 17/05/2019 11:46

I would talk to your DD and see what she thinks. I know she is young, but this is potentially a massive decision, so I think she should have an input. Although I would make it clear that she will have to drop some of her current activities.

HappyHammy · 17/05/2019 11:46

How wonderful, what does your dad want to do. Could she pursue her dream and go on to possibly winning a sport. She may well receive a sports scholarship in 2ndry school or uni. I would ask her what she wants, maybe cut back on something else.

HappyHammy · 17/05/2019 11:47

Not.your dad obviouslyGrin

clairemcnam · 17/05/2019 11:47

And if she wanted to do this. I would also be clear that she needs to organise herself as well.

Polyethyl · 17/05/2019 11:48

If you have been blessed to have a child who is a contender then surely some sacrifices are worthwhile.
Missing such an opportunity seems such a waste.

RosaWaiting · 17/05/2019 11:49

def ask her

if she doesn't fancy early starts and hours of training, then there's no need to pursue it.

Sirzy · 17/05/2019 11:50

I would talk about it with her. Give her the choice of activities

Amibeingdaft81 · 17/05/2019 11:51

She wants to do everything!!

I’ve asked if her life depended on it - what would choose to pursue - atheistic a, cross country or swimming. And her response.... “I couldn’t make that decision so I’d have to die!”

Incorporating the swimming in to the mix would represent a serious commitment. Whereas cross country and athletics doesn’t as directly after school, and at school, and races and comps all local

OP posts:
Amibeingdaft81 · 17/05/2019 11:52

Her dad would be keen to progress the swimming but he is in a very full on job and recognises be would not be able to help at all - so happy to follow my lead. We get on well

OP posts:
Mymadworld · 17/05/2019 11:52

If dd is keen and willing to foresaw some of her other clubs, I'd speak to the swim club and see if there's any financial support available and anyone local to lift share. If she has real potential the club may well be able to support you.

RosaWaiting · 17/05/2019 11:53

no OP, I mean have you asked her - do you want to get up at 5am for swimming training?

I was an overachieving child in one thing but when I was pushed too much, or the school tried it, I talked it over with my parents and said no.

Hotterthanahotthing · 17/05/2019 11:53

My daughter was good,fast got better at swimming club and we both hated it.
We had to go 24 miles to the baths before school everyday then back ,eat and a full school day.
Weekends were taken up driving all over to competitions or more training.
There was no time for seeing friends,other activities she liked.And I only had 1.

MaitreKarlsson · 17/05/2019 11:54

Speak to the coach and explain the situation. In my experience if a specialist teacher really believes in a pupil they will go a long way to help - this could involve lifts/coaching etc. The teacher could end up helping to make it all work.

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 17/05/2019 11:54

Why not ask the instructor for advice? Ask for clubs, etc, that might be easy to fit into your - already bulging - schedule?

Also, could her dad help by taking her to swimming club at weekends?

It does seem a shame not to pursue it if she's "possibly Olympian standard". But I can also sympathise if it has, in fact, just added guilt into your already busy life!

Amibeingdaft81 · 17/05/2019 11:56

@Hotterthanahotthing

That’s my suspicion. I don’t think we can do it

OP posts:
jameswong · 17/05/2019 11:56

Tough one. I mean best swimmer ever taught and potential Olympic standard are huge. If it we're my son, I'd move heaven and earth for it I think. Although I totally get where you're coming from. Good luck!

herecomestherainagain2 · 17/05/2019 11:57

You say your ex has a demanding job and cannot help but surely if you are working full time and having main care of the children he needs to try and support if he wants her to pursue it. Presumably he will have to be involved if she has competitions etc on his weekends.

You don't say how old the other child is - can they be left at home early mornings or would they have to be up and out the house as well?

Gth1234 · 17/05/2019 11:58

It's going to be a big investment in time and money. At the top of any sport, there are a lot of equally gifted athletes, so there's no guarantees. Swimming doesn't seem to be a sport that pays that well except maybe for a very few. So in financial terms, football or tennis may be worthwhile, but swimming less so.

It will probably take at least 6 years of dedication before you know whether it was worthwhile

Amibeingdaft81 · 17/05/2019 11:59

Thank you all btw for thoughtful non judgemental responses

Thing is - she is also very very good at maths, and I’m moving heaven and earth (seriously) to get a scholarship to local school, which is going to involve taxis and really disrupt life as it is.

Do you know, more I think about it, more I think I just have to let this go.

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 17/05/2019 11:59

There's always Pentathlon ....

Amibeingdaft81 · 17/05/2019 12:00

Seine child is younger and would have to come with us

OP posts:
Amibeingdaft81 · 17/05/2019 12:00

Second

OP posts:
Readytogogogo · 17/05/2019 12:00

I know it's not what you want to hear, but if she's that talented and she also wants to do it, I really think you must support her. Too high a chance of regret and recriminations in the future if you don't.

S1naidSucks · 17/05/2019 12:01

I couldn’t make that decision so I’d have to die!

Have you thought about enrolling her in drama? Grin

If the instructor is so keen, then they should be willing to find solutions for your situations.