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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not pursue my child’s “incredible” swimming skill

318 replies

Amibeingdaft81 · 17/05/2019 11:41

Single mum, two children. One of whom is an exceptional swimmer. From that first lesson as a baby, she has utterly loved swimming and her swimming itself is unbelievably good.

She is now almost 9. She doesn’t do regular swim lessons. I buy the odd pack of 1-2-1 lessons and she has may be one every 4/5 weeks. She swims most weekends though, with her father, but purely recreational.

Anyway, at gym yesterday the teacher who has given her the 1-2-1s left a note at front desk to call him down when I next came to the gym. The first thing he said was “your daughter is the best swimmer I have ever taught by a significant margin”. He went on to say that although premature - he thinks she could be Olympian standard. He said that by not having her in a club I am doing her a disservice.

Here’s the dilemma. I’m a single working parent with no support network whatsoever. All going fairly well atm because I work damn hard at balancing all the balls and ruthlessly organised. Both children are keen sportspersons, very keen. This daughter is also very good at dross country and attends races, along with football and athletics. We are at capacity as to what I can balance.

She loves swimming and sport generally.

AIBU if I don’t pursue swimming as well? From what I can gather it’s a sport that involves very early starts and hours of training.

OP posts:
edwinbear · 20/05/2019 11:25

*I had a call last night from the head coach of the club that her swim teacher wants her to join

The coach said that they would pay all costs to support her joining

I said it wasn’t about the money. It’s the fact that I don’t have the capacity to commit to the initial Saturday morning 7-9 and Wednesday 5-6.30 for the 9-12 group. She said that she could arrange transportation

This is BS. Any head coach of a decent club would want to see the child swim before making such an offer.

Amibeingdaft81 · 20/05/2019 11:40

Thank you all for feedback. Really appreciate. As I say, we are not going to proceed.

She loves (and needs) early nights and late mornings. Plus she about to go through one heck of a change with a new very very full on school.

Plus, I just don’t have it in me. A younger child to consider and a supportive ex but ultimately can do very little to help.

Finally, as a number have commented, it does seem somewhat over excitable of the coach!

So I’ll bow out now but just wanted to sign off with thanks.

OP posts:
ArchieHarrison · 20/05/2019 12:02

@Amibeingdaft81 v late to the party here, but please don't discount the value of some quick times to help you get that private school scholarship - she's good at maths and there will be others who are good at maths, but there is unlikley to be another who is good at maths AND who will bring the school sporting glory. V glad we kept up with our sport as I'm sure we wouldn't have got the size of award we would have done purely on academics. As you say - you can then simply do the school squad. If you can however do a couple of galas before your entrance form has to be completed, the cynic in me suggests that it might be worthwhile.

yabadabadontdoit · 20/05/2019 12:26

archie however good she is I’d be very surprised if a child who has ‘just’ had swimming lessons has the ability to go to galas and beat children doing serious swim training with their local squad. It’s also as much about their dive and their tumble turn if only racing 50m, and I doubt she has been taught these. Any longer distance - 100m and 200m being the usual, really show the stamina only training can give.
OP good luck to your dd in her new school and I hope she continues to enjoy her various sports.

yabadabadontdoit · 20/05/2019 12:43

Also to do ‘ a couple of galas’ means joining both a swim club and the national body, the ASA, no one can just turn up at a gala. To do galas of a standard that would make a school interested would take qualification times, and these take training. I’d be surprised if a school would be interested at anything under Regional level, can’t remember what age these start at, possibly 9.
I know I’m over invested but I’m just finding it so incredibly infuriating how many people seem to think a child can magically perform at a high level off the back of some swim lessons and a swim teachers comments

ArchieHarrison · 20/05/2019 12:55

well yes - I thought she could take advantage of the free training offer for a few months and compete without needing to carry it on once a scholarship is in the bag and she can join the school squad- wasn't suggesting she rocked up with her holiday bikini and asked to race. She wouldn't need to reach regionals to actually clock some times which may be impressive to the school

arethereanyleftatall · 20/05/2019 12:58

Yaba, I agree, I think most people don't realise that a whole other 'level' of swimming (or any sport I'm sure) is going on. They might be fastest in their school, and often they'll say 'I swam at county level' meaning that they competed for their school relay team at the school county champs (anyone can enter). Not realising that actual counties have pretty tough qualifying times which their times are no where near.

I think the dead giveaway when someone claims to be amazing at any sport (when they're not) is if they start their boast with someone like 'I was captain of the school netball first team.'

yabadabadontdoit · 20/05/2019 13:09

I wish I’d known it was so easy to get a school scholarship.

ArchieHarrison · 20/05/2019 13:14

and here are the swim mums proving the OP that she's right to make her decision! I'm perfectly sure that our child isn't the brightest in the school, and am confident that the national level sports achievement helped swing the substantial academic scholarship. Yes, sorry you didn't figure it out, but no need for the snark. Nobody is saying anything that detracts from all your 5am starts. It's like the parents who live with a child honking into a brass instrument for years - they do get the music scholarships because schools need them not another bloody violin - fair play to them for working it out in y2 and not y6 when it's too late.

yabadabadontdoit · 20/05/2019 13:18

But that’s the difference between your dc and op dc, yours has a national level sports achievement, that is amazing, and makes them stand out as it rightly should. “Clock some times” at an entry level gala is in no way comparable to a national level sports achievement.

Hazlenutpie · 20/05/2019 13:48

Yabad OP was talking of dd being a “future Olympian “ , so people are discussing the costs involved in serious training

I have read the fucking thread, actually and have commented that it’s beyond ludicrous to talk about the Olympics and serious training when the OP’s daughter doesn’t even swim for a club.

The poor kid should be encouraged with her swimming and allowed to reach her own potential. To be put off doing this, just in case she’s Olympics standard is utterly bonkers.

Amibeingdaft81 · 20/05/2019 13:51

To be clear I’m saying we are not going to do just the two meets a week. I’m not talking about not being prepared to put in “12 hours a wee” etc

I’m talking about not being prepared to do the one early session and mid week evening

OP posts:
Hazlenutpie · 20/05/2019 15:56

Well I think you’re totally failing as a parent on that basis.

KneelJustKneel · 20/05/2019 16:15

Id def do something twice a week my child was good at and wanted to do and was paid for.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/05/2019 16:56

I think what hazelnutpie said is too harsh, but I'm surprised at your choice given it's free, someone will pick her up, she loves it, she's amazing at it, and it's good for her. I can see absolutely nothing to lose by letting her do it.

Goneroundthetwist · 20/05/2019 16:58

Bit confused how the local swimming teacher has spotted a future Olympian.... you are looking at at least 10,000 hours training to get to that point. Ive never known anyone be paid for training with a swimming club... it would be at least 5-10 sessions per week with early mornings and evenings in some days (3-4) hours. That is considerable effort for a pre teen and parent!

Landfilly · 20/05/2019 17:03

I've not RTFT but it'd be a big no from me

Our DS was an exceptional footballer and for two years it ruined our lives

Especially his younger sister's

It's just not fair on the sibling

And it closes too many other doors at to young an age

She sounds like she's talented in many areas

arethereanyleftatall · 20/05/2019 17:08

Landfilly - in the thread the op has detailed that the club has said they will organise picking her up and dropping her back home, so younger sibling won't be affected.

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