To not pursue my child’s “incredible” swimming skill

[Amibeingdaft81]

Single mum, two children. One of whom is an exceptional swimmer. From that first lesson as a baby, she has utterly loved swimming and her swimming itself is unbelievably good.

She is now almost 9. She doesn’t do regular swim lessons. I buy the odd pack of 1-2-1 lessons and she has may be one every 4/5 weeks. She swims most weekends though, with her father, but purely recreational.

Anyway, at gym yesterday the teacher who has given her the 1-2-1s left a note at front desk to call him down when I next came to the gym. The first thing he said was “your daughter is the best swimmer I have ever taught by a significant margin”. He went on to say that although premature - he thinks she could be Olympian standard. He said that by not having her in a club I am doing her a disservice.

Here’s the dilemma. I’m a single working parent with no support network whatsoever. All going fairly well atm because I work damn hard at balancing all the balls and ruthlessly organised. Both children are keen sportspersons, very keen. This daughter is also very good at dross country and attends races, along with football and athletics. We are at capacity as to what I can balance.

She loves swimming and sport generally.

AIBU if I don’t pursue swimming as well? From what I can gather it’s a sport that involves very early starts and hours of training.

I know nothing about competitive swimming but surely, providing your daughter pursues sporting activities, including swimming, and stays fit, there will be an opportunity when she is a bit older t,o take up competitive swimming? Does the new school she hopes to attend have a pool? Maybe they will encourage her in school time.
Good luck to you both whatever you decide to do

That’s pretty sad Bumply that a child should potentially miss out purely due to the bad luck of being born into a large family...

Haven't read all of the posts but just to throw another opinion in there. Swimming parents are usually quite supportive and help with lifts. It also may help your cause when you go for scholarships if your child is high/ county standard in a swimming/ cross country and depending which school they may then take over the swimming training for you!

I would say try. Give it a fixed period of time after which you both review the situation. Be it six months or a year, throw yourself into it full throttle and see what comes of it. Exhausting/difficult I totally understand but for a child to have real potential like that, it should be explored, for her sake

I was very good at a different sport and was Olympic potential - but I was an all rounder and didn't want to put my all into one thing and sacrifice other activities I enjoyed - plus seeing my friends and keeping up with school work. I went to watch it during the London Olympic and there was a slight pang but I honestly don't regret it or resent my parents for not supporting it more.

Well done for making a decision, sounds like she will be just fine with her abilities!

i wouldn't entertain such nonsense at 9, for goodness sake!

Let her keep at her swimming club and lessons as she is now and let her enjoy it

Isn't one of the Oylmpic Mens team a late starter..only really competitive within the last few years and hit the Rio Olympics like a tonne of bricks? CBA to google for names! :o

My nephew is exceptionally good at a particular sport, Olympic standard, and they have spent s lot of time and effort on enabling him to pursue this. He is now at uni in America on a full scholarship due to the sport, all fees paid, and will do really well in life because of it. Thoroughly worth the sacrifice I think...

DD has been offered full scholarships at several US universities based on her maths ability. No sacrifice needed and extremely useful for her future career.

I'd focus on the maths rather than the swimming.

Glad you've made that decision OP. She sounds like an exceptionally gifted all rounder with abilities in other sports and academically too.
I would say that in terms of everyone's quality of life, and DDs overall life chances you would be crazy to put all your effort into swimming as the chances of success at elite level are vanishingly small and it would be a real shame for her to neglect her academics which are much more likely to open doors for her future, plus also missing out on her other sports and the social side of being a teen. I can't imagine how isolating it must be for teen swimmers who can never go to parties etc because of training.

X-posted bliminy I completely agree re the maths!

DS’s swim coach (who had coached swimmers to the Commonwealth Games) always said there’s no such thing as a 10 yr old future Olympian - and he was right. Kids that age that do well (as in British age group champion at 10) are often the ones that burn out either mentally or physically in their early teens.

Training even at 9 or 10 is early mornings and evenings, weekends at galas, lots of travel and it all costs. I used to reckon it was £4-5k a year in petrol, training fees, entry fees and accommodation once you get up to a serious level. It impacts hugely on other children in the family too.

If she enjoys her swimming and cross country then biathlons or triathlons could be a good way to go.

As @TheRedBarrows said, I would investigate what facilities the new school has for nurturing sporting talent. If she is as good as her coach thinks, then definitely look at a future Millfield scholarship, as mentioned by a PP.

I was a swimmer with massive potential. My mum was also (to all intents and purposes) a single parent, who worked and didn’t drive so I had no chance of developing that talent. I was stuck at club level as I could walk to my local pool, and I put in a lot of hours training for my own enjoyment. My parents didn’t push me, and weren’t really that interested to be honest which, looking back, makes me a bit sad. I quit at 14 as it was obvious I wasn’t going to get any further, and I realised there was a life outside the pool.

I know you've made your decision, but just to add to it ...

I'm a teacher and one child I taught was picked as an Olympic hopeful for a sport (not swimming). She had incredibly wealthy parents so one of them stopped work to drive her to coaching. She had private coaching for 5 hours every school day, and all day over the weekends. She had a very strict diet. She got to be No. 1 in the nation (USA) for her age group. You can google her and see her nation-winning performance. Her parents probably invested well over a million dollars to support her potential, and she was on the verge of international competitions. She was a name to watch.

Then she grew too tall for that sport.

Yes, there are kids who are astoundingly good at a sport. 9 is not too young for them to be starting on the full-time training circuit (in fact, it's getting a bit late for some sports). But it takes at least a decade of this being the most important thing for the entire family, AND a huge amount of money and luck.

OP- being good at swimming may well get her that scholarship- academic AND sporting ability would be prized by most schools. However, only you can decide if you can a) make it work and b)want to dedicate that time.

Also- do ask your daughter if she would be willing to get up before school to swim, swim after school and at weekends. If she doesn't want to do it, then the rest is a moot point.

Perhaps speak to the coach and explain the issues- as others have said, if she really is brilliant many coaches will do all they can to accommodate. It may not be possible at the end of the day, but at least you'll come to that decision after having all the facts and not supposition/assumptions.

Ooh kickass I soooooo want to know who that is! I’m guessing gymnastics where height can be a hamper in some ways...?

Competitive swimming is brutal tbh. Our friends child was very good but they had to get up at 4am each day for swimming at 5!.I think this is too much stress for all of you really.By the time you factor in w/e and so on you will be too tired and drained ,(and hard up with all the travelling here and there!) .I do wonder if Coaches are pushy ,because they would have liked to be Olympic standard and are trying to bask in the glory of their pupils!

Totally understand why you've said no. One thought I had though is that the school she might go to - do they have a swimming team? A lot of private schools do, which would allow you to give her access to formal training without quite the same level of disruption? It's something to consider for the future. Obviously, if she wants to compete at a high level she needs training from fairly young but I'd imagine that another year or two while she settles into her school and other activities would hurt.

It’s a shame if she’s that good not to give a club a chance. If she is that good I would see if you can possibly manage it, even short term. If she excels which it sounds like she will she may naturally choose to favour swimming and happily cut down on something else.

That said it is a huge commitment once you get older, we used to train most school nights plus Saturday morning and Sunday evening. My Brothers used to do before school sessions too once at county level.

I really feel for you, if you have no support network it’s hard. Could her Dad help out and take her to some training? The coaches at the swimming club may be able to support you in some way.

Wiggly Tom Daley went to Plymouth College, not Millfield, after he was bullied at Eggbuckland comp.

Op you have to have a quality of life as a family also - training and competing at that level is punishing- I would fully understand your reluctance plus you have to consider your second child who will have to be dragged along also. My money is on the maths and keep up the sports commitments you can comfortably manage. Good luck

I think I'm quite glad to have happily average children !! DD does a sport because she loves it 4 days a week but isnt especially talented. It teaches her loads about hard work but also realism. I think it would be really hard to make the right call with a truly talented child with other children and life in generally affecting all decisions.

If it were my child, I would encourage her to drop one of the other sports and do the swimming. I know she says she can't decide....but as a parent, surely you know which sport she is better at, even if only marginally.

It would be awful if my child grew up and said, mum, why didn't you give me the opportunity.

I agree with @Littleheart5 - I would give it a go, and see how you and she cope with it.

You aren't signing up for life, and if it doesn't work for you all, you can stop.

Not everyone wants to be an Olympic swimmer. That coach is being unfair.

AND if you did decide to pursue and if she actually wasn't that good, both she & you would be hugely disappointed and resentful.

If this isn't something you are both hugely invested in already (and it sounds like this only came up as the coach said it) I would let it be.

Let her live her life with a mix of sports. She is happy and you are happy.

Why would her dad not be able to help at all? Yet here you are with two children to care for and a job and you are considering it. He’s really set his stall out hasn’t he? I know you say you get on well with him but it sounds like he’s got the easy job.

Yanbu. I know a high potential young swimmer and the parents can spend 20 hours a week poolside at 5 different pools.