To not pursue my child’s “incredible” swimming skill

[Amibeingdaft81]

Single mum, two children. One of whom is an exceptional swimmer. From that first lesson as a baby, she has utterly loved swimming and her swimming itself is unbelievably good.

She is now almost 9. She doesn’t do regular swim lessons. I buy the odd pack of 1-2-1 lessons and she has may be one every 4/5 weeks. She swims most weekends though, with her father, but purely recreational.

Anyway, at gym yesterday the teacher who has given her the 1-2-1s left a note at front desk to call him down when I next came to the gym. The first thing he said was “your daughter is the best swimmer I have ever taught by a significant margin”. He went on to say that although premature - he thinks she could be Olympian standard. He said that by not having her in a club I am doing her a disservice.

Here’s the dilemma. I’m a single working parent with no support network whatsoever. All going fairly well atm because I work damn hard at balancing all the balls and ruthlessly organised. Both children are keen sportspersons, very keen. This daughter is also very good at dross country and attends races, along with football and athletics. We are at capacity as to what I can balance.

She loves swimming and sport generally.

AIBU if I don’t pursue swimming as well? From what I can gather it’s a sport that involves very early starts and hours of training.

This is bullshit

Just because you don’t agree, that doesn’t make my opinions bullshit. I just have a different opinion to you.

Her DD can swim as much as she likes when she is older. Just let her do it as a hobby

She won’t ever be a really good swimmer unless she swims for a club

Whilst swimming at national level is an achievement, why would anyone want tht life for their kids? Olympians have to dedicate their life

The chances of her being an Olympic swimmer are impossible to predict. She hasn’t even swum for a club. Talk of Olympics is ridiculous at this point.

Somebody already said this but is there a triathlon club nearby? She could do running and swimming sessions as part of the same club. Some of my family are very involved in junior triathlon at their club and it’s a very positive supportive environment. Very friendly too and parents really share the burden of transport and chaperoning etc.

Well done for making the right decision for your family. My DS was national standard in his sport at 10, just outside the GB junior squad which started at 14. But the training and competition stress sucked all the joy out of it. The last time he competed on the way home from the nationals I asked him if he really wanted to do it any more and he said no. So we chucked his kit in the cupboard and he never went back. I was quietly relieved as I worried about the effect the stress of competing was having on his mental health. Top level sport is gruelling for kids.

Choosing to compete at any sport tat high level is a huge commitment (not the op's daughter but in general)
To be the best you do have to give up almost everything at a very young age.
I know & work with a lot of very high level tennis players (top 100 in the world, played at Wimbledon level) you won't have heard of them because they weren't British no1 (some were 2 or 3) once their sporting career ends they are stuck, unless they get to win a grand slam they don't earn loads of money from sport and because they left normal school at 9/10 to go to a sport school they don't even have qualifications to get a normal job. Being a sports person is not all it's cracked up to be for the vast majority of them.

As a UK athletics coach, and mother of an ex international athlete I can tell you that any coach who says an 8 year old has the potential to be an olympian is taking out of his arse.

Look at the back records/ age group records etc and see how may 8 year olds were still around at the age of 20.

Let your daughter do what she feels comfortable with.

Join a club that swims, but perhaps only go to 1 session a week..

Join a track club and go to that 1 session a week.

Have fun and join clubs that allow different levels of ability to train in the same place, at the same time, albeit in different coaching groups.

Whistle73 and others make excellent points.
Another swim mum here. It's a great sport and there's a lot of grind in the training. This is why the child must have fun and enjoy it otherwise they will give up when the going gets too tough.
I recently met the swim talent officer for our region. He pointed out that many of GB's great swimmers were not great aged 10, 12 or even 14. But they were the kids that enjoyed it, worked hard and stuck with it through puberty. Puberty changes everything with swimming - fast kids can often become slow kids, they loose technique as their bodies change. Social pressures and school interfere etc etc. Therefore having fun is key.
My DD is a similar age and swims for a local club with more of a family feel rather than a larger club or or another local one, which has super results, but is known for "flogging" the kids. There's a good balance of fun and life skills as well as good quality coaching. To start with the commitment was only a couple of hours a week. A couple of years down the line it's a far greater commitment but only because DD decided to do this.
I would say - no harm in trying if she wants to try a club if you have the time and funds to do so. Call a few clubs and ask about trials and initial training commitment and fees. If she likes it, there will be further decisions about time and other commitments in the future.

One of my relatives is an Olympic swimmer. Only child and lived near a 50M pool which makes life easier.
But- until she was about 13 she didn't really train or swim with a club as she did other sports and just didn't have the time or want to make the commitment. She just swam for fun. None ever mentioned the Olympics at that time.
She didn't start to get serious until she was about 14 so I wouldn't worry too much about it now if its super tricky.

If this were her one true passion, maybe it would be worth moving heaven and earth, but it sounds as if she's got several gifts. I agree with you.

Apologies if this has been mentioned but if you are going for a scholarship does the private school not have a pool? Many around here do.
That way she can have the experience of swimming for the school team without all the extra cost and hassle?

Olympians have to dedicate their life, at the total expense of anything else, including friends, relationships, earning money, in order to compete. Is that the life you aspire to?, constantly battling for funding and sponsership to make ends meets, dealing with injuries etc. It's really only a very few sports personalities that go on to make money off the back of it, through TV and advertising, the vast majority struggle along
Just for a bit of balance my relative is loving her swimming career at the moment- has lots of friends, a boyfriend, earning money and living in a fabulous place. Has also managed to get a degree at the same time so has a 'fallback' when her swimming career is over as has no desire to have a media career etc.
If she didn't love it she wouldn't do it - is hopefully heading for her 3rd Olympics.

DD’s best friend is a serious swimmer
Her parents only have her and run their own business so they can manage her swimming, it basically runs all of their lives
Th BF loves it and her mum says that until she wants to stop they will continue to prioritise swimming over everything else BUT she really wishes they had never started.
Might sound a bit negative but I really wouldn’t do it

Another swim mum here. I know OP has made her decision but for any others reading this thread I’ll put my two peneth in !
Firstly as pp have said, it is impossible at 8 to pick an Olympic swimmer. One of my dd had amazing butterfly “would be a national champion” etc at 8, by 12 and puberty couldn’t swim butterfly well at all, but did have good backstroke.
Swim clubs that will produce Olympic swimmers start young. My other dd was doing 2 hours every evening and one 4.45AM start morning at age 9, 2 mornings at 10yr. They HAVE to love it and be completely committed. They HAVE to be competitive, no good loving the training but not racing, or not having that extra push at races.
The morning training is non negotiable at the top clubs. Even if you’re a single parent with other dc, your child either does morning training or leaves.
Eldest Dd did very well, but one day at 16 said she’d had enough, was training one night and thought “I don’t want to do this any more” and left after a few weeks of checking she still felt like that. No regrets and has made her best friends and learnt valuable
My DD2, the butterfly one, left at 12 and joined a local non competitive club, for fitness and because she still loved swimming but not the commitment of the top clubs.
Ds joined the non competitive club at 7 and has no interest in taking it further than that despite being very fast at 12.

At her age I was training regularly in the morning before school and within a couple of years ~25 hrs a week, before school, some evenings and weekends. Plus the regular galas at the weekends. It's a huge commitment. I was good at it (along with being good at other sports because of how fit I was) but eventually it just got too much and I rebelled against it and gave up entirely. I do sometimes wonder what if as I was probably similar to your DD with a talent but I also wish I'd done a more social team sport that wasn't so all or nothing; something you could still do at a 'fun' level at high school or after school club, not every day, often twice a day and your entire life revolves around it.

If your DD is really that good, and is committed, then you really should do whatever you can to support her, however difficult that may be.

Tough call. But it sounds like you've made the right decision. Good luck with the Maths scholarship!

Tricky one.

My fiends DS swims for a club and is swimming at Olympic standard, he trains a lot and not just in the pool, he’s parents have supported him and pushed him for a few years now.

For me it would depend on several things, if she is really academic then I would consider not perusing it in fear it would distract her from working hard towards academic subjects, obviously training would take up a lot of time and I know my daughter (high school, high achiever) spends a lot of time doing home work and revision to hit her high targets, there’s no way she could fit in training every day.

Also, triathlon may be a good sport if she can’t choose between swimming and running, our local club ( which trained Olympians) meets Saturdays for children, I think they then add on sessions as they progress.

Any grants or bursaries for any of this? If she is going to be Olympic standard surely she would have to drop something. If she doesn't want to let her carry on as she is. Get a second opinion?

Also again, nearly all the swimmers dd swam with have gone on to University etc, their studies didn’t suffer as they were very aware of having limited time to fit everything into so got on with it!

At 6 DD's school swim teacher told us she was the best young swimmer she had seen in her career. At 8 DD isn't making the team at swim squad. She's good technically and strong but slow and short! Swim teacher's face noticeably fell when DH and I (both short) walked up to her. At the end of the day 'talent' is only a small part of what is needed.

No teacher can spot an Olympic champion at 8 and the fact that the coach is saying that means he doesn't know what he is talking about. You're not giving up Olympic gold for your child, you're really not.

OP if your daughter is this talented, have you considered scholarships for some of the top schools?
My father and uncle both got scholarships to Milfield for swimming and cricket and my step brother one to Magdalen College in Oxford for the violin.

Tbh it’s not my cup of tea nor for my son however if she’s naturally gifted sports or academically and would thrive in those environments might be worth considering

Talking of the fucking Olympics, when the child hasn’t even joined a swimming club, is frankly beyond ridiculous.

It just shows how ill informed posters are about swimming, swimming clubs and what’s involved.

The OP seems to have based her decision on whether she wants to commit herself and her daughter to training for the Olympics. She should investigate what the local swimming clubs offer and what is ACTUALLY involved.

I was just coming on this thread to say exactly what @Hazlenutpie has just said.

Some of these comments are batshit, and show such ignorance at how one gets in to the olympics.

Just because some idiot says you have Olympic potential, you don't dive head first into training 20 hours a week at 4am in the morning and spending £300 in a racing suit at 8 years old. Because that would be absurd.

No. You join a swim club and go once a week. See how that goes, if you like it, if you're doing well. Then, you would increase to twice a week. See how that goes, if you like it, if you're doing well. Then, you go three times.....

Good choice op. I think doing any kind of extra curricular is bound to have an impact on family life and it’s fine to consider everyone to find the right balance.