Please help, funeral home visit

[brokenbeyondrepair]

I'll just keep this short and sweet...
My darling darling mother passed away unexpectedly and suddenly last week at a relatively young age, I'm in my 20's (sorry trying not to be outing) and from today she is ready to be visited at the funeral home.
It never crossed my mind that I wouldn't go and see her but when it's come to it, I just don't think I can bear it.
I'm pregnant and due in just a few weeks and I have to put this baby first.
Two family members visited her today and one had to be helped up from the floor absolutely distraught.
She was my absolute world, my best friend as well as my mother.
Other family members don't think I should go to visit her but I fear if I don't I'll regret it for the rest of my life
Please tell me what I should do...

I'm sorry I've just realised it should be under wwyd rather than aibu...I really need some advice and I think this has more traffic

I didn't go, and I've never regretted it. But I was only 14. It's worth maybe going there and seeing how you feel. I understand it can be very peaceful.

Oh my love, how awful to lose your Mum when you are so young and pregnant! So sorry for your loss.
There is no right or wrong answer. You can only do what feels right for you. Your Mum really won’t know either way. Sorry but she really won’t. She would not want you to be so unhappy, but of course you will be.
Sometimes seeing a loved person in the funeral home can be a comfort and ‘make it real’ IYSWIM, but you can’t ‘unsee’, so if you want to just remember her as she was, then not going is ok too.

I am so sorry. Do what feels right - there is no right or wrong. Add in if you can a thought about whether you will regret if later.
My ma died 6 months ago. Unexpectedly and was already gone from her house by funeral director when I got there. Hadn’t seen her for A few days. Didn’t see her in funeral home partly because there had been some delay. Really miss not having ‘said goodbye’ to her but have not yet felt any regret - it was the right decision for me.
There’s a lovely supportive thread op ‘support for anyone dealing with the loss of a parent’ you might find helpful over the next weeks months.
One day at a time.

We can't tell you one way or the other, but if it was me & my daughters I hope they'd come & keep me company on my way out.

I'm so sorry I didn't go to see my mum in the funeral home. I didn't want that to be my last memory of her. My mum was also my world, it's been 13 years and I miss her every day. Even if I had seen her, it was still not enough to fit in all the love I wanted to give her, so I just didn't and I'm glad. I've never regretted it. Do what is right for you, even though I know nothing feels right at all.

Oh OP, I am so so sorry for your loss. Nothing prepares you for losing your mother, or how to live afterwards.
I feel that if you are are worried you will regret it, then at least go to the funeral home and see if you feel like going in and being with her. You will know the right thing for you when you are there.
My dearest darling mum died almost three years ago. We brought her home after she died, it's a cultural thing here. We all would go and talk to her and tell her how adired she was.
And OP, someone said to me when I was in the midst of that agonizing grief just after mum died that every single cell of my body had only existed with her in my life. Every part of you needs to greive. It made me feel better in some way, I hope it does you too.

Sorry for your loss . We lost our dad very suddenly aged 50 when I was 23 . I saw him at home prior to him being taken away and I did go and visit him in the funeral home - 29 yrs later I’m still regretting that decision . My mum died earlier this year at home with us all present and none of us decided to go to the funeral home to see her . It’s very much a personal decision that only you can make , best wishes whatever you decide . 💐

I’ve chosen to never see anyone’s body after they’ve died... and I definitely don’t regret it, it was the right choice for me.

I prefer that my last memories are of them alive...

It’s totally fine to not see her.

If you want to, if you do feel that it’ll help you obviously do it, but whatever you do is ok, it’s totally a personal decision and there’s no right one.

I'm so sorry for your loss and the shock you must be in at loosing your mum so suddenly
When I lost my Dad I felt comfort in going to see him in the chapel of rest but it really is a personal choice and one that only you can make, especially being pregnant as it can be very emotional.
One thing it did give me was closure as I could rest knowing that at his cremation it wasn't my Dad in the coffin, just the shell of his body.
Do what feels right for you x

I have heard of more people regretting going to see their loved one than not.
I didn't go to see my loved one and haven't regretted it, their best friend went though, and is glad they did.
Its such an individual thing.
Sorry for the loss of your dear mum.

One thing it did give me was closure as I could rest knowing that at his cremation it wasn't my Dad in the coffin, just the shell of his body

I agree. It will show you that your mum is truly gone, and that may help.

But it's a very personal decision. Just do what feels right, OP. Sorry for your loss.

I was with my mum when she died but went to see her at the funeral home as my teenage daughter wanted to see her. It did not look like her but it was strangely comforting to talk to her one last time .

I never went to see my gran and I never regretted it. I wanted to remember her as she was and not lying in a box.

I am so sorry for your loss . Visiting loved ones in a chapel of rest is such a personal viewpoint. I lost my beloved husband 7 weeks ago, to me being able to see him brought comfort, however I was the only one, and in fairness wouldn’t have if it was anyone else.
Do only what is right for you, you don’t feel pressurised or guilty. Your darling mum knows you are there for her regardless. Please take care of yourself 💐

I’m quite surprised to hear so many say don’t go.. I’m so sorry for your loss brokenbeyondrepair
I have lost both parents and my best friend. It didn’t occur to me to not see them after they died. I got a huge amount of comfort from sitting talking to them. It was upsetting at first obviously but it really did help me.
Only you will know if it’s something you can or should do. Best of luck x

So sorry for your loss.

It's not something I have done as I felt I had said my goodbyes when they were alive and tbh I am a bit squeamish about it. Family members who have done it say they got a lot of comfort from it.

It's something you have to decide for yourself. Why not go to the funeral home and see how you feel when you get there? I'm sure they would be sympathetic and probably used to people not wanting to go in and view. You might get there and think yes this is the right thing to do or you could just go home but at least you tried. I'm sure your mum would want you to do what you feel is right for you and your baby.

I lost DB aged 19 when I was in my twenties and my DF two years later. I did not go to the chapel of rest and have never regretted it. It wasn't how I wanted to remember them. Everyone is different but I feel it didn't help family members who did visit.

I am so sorry.
I don't think the experiences of others will necessarily help you to decide and you will do what's right for you.
I just want to say that I have a friend who works for one of the big funeral directors and I know that your mum will be treated carefully and respectfully where she is resting. I've also been told that when the funeral comes the staff gather together and they have a short time of quiet reflection about the person in their care so that the experience honours them and isn't impersonal.
I hope that knowing your mum will be valued and respected on her journey will give you some comfort at this difficult time.

I’m so sorry for you loss.

It’s up to you if you wish to go or not.

It’s not something I do. I would much prefer last memories of them being alive then seeing them in the furneral home

I went to see my little sister, she was 3, I was 17. I found it very comforting but I know that not everyone feels that way. You have to do what is right for you, if you get there and can't go in, she will understand. I am sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for you that your mum died brokenbeyondrepair. Especially at this time when you need her. The shock must be immense.

I have experience of seeing many dead bodies (am a middle aged Irish woman). In my experience, the only people who have reacted like your relative have been drama queens and their reactions best ignored.

You say It never crossed my mind that I wouldn't go and see her but when it's come to it, I just don't think I can bear it.
What is it that you think you think you can't bear?

I'm pregnant and due in just a few weeks and I have to put this baby first.
Your worries are understandable, but seeing your mum will not endanger your baby OP.

You have a most painful and joyful time ahead OP. Your life has changed and will change even more, very soon. Accept all the love, help and food offered to you. I wish you strength in the time ahead.

It can be surprisingly comforting to go. Please do. You need community right now more than you think. Funerals are profoundly important. They are a chance to honor and celebrate the precious life of someone you love. You don't have to do anything but be there and know that she was loved.

So sorry for you, I didn’t visit my mums body, it’s your choice

I'm sorry for your loss

My mum died a couple of months ago. It's hard.

My best friend died a few years ago. Another very good friend said he wasn't going as X (the friend that had died) would have hated it and wouldn't want us seeing him like that.
He was right.
I've never regretted not going.