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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I ruin brother's wedding?

324 replies

Saavhi · 14/05/2019 12:53

Last week my brother had a small gathering following his registration wedding (that I was not invited to- only parents and children attended). The venue where they had a sit-down meal was at the top of a very long, winding road. Unfortunately, this caused me to be sick right outside the hotel. Due to the state I was in there was no way I could go in. My half-brother jumped out and explained the situation. My dp and I found somewhere for me to collect myself out as I was still feeling poorly. I rang later in the day to apologise for my absence/wish them well.

On Sunday at my parent's house, my SIL told me I ruined "the most important day of her life" (imo not true as there will be a much larger destination wedding in July). We're not at all close and she doesn't appear to like me. I have heard her call me lazy for being a SAHM. I told her she was being ridiculous and to please move on. I said that I'm not going to keep apologising for something that was beyond my control.

They are offended that dp did not attend or ring (he was parking the car when my half-brother had them on the phone).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Jemima232 · 14/05/2019 12:57

Were they annoyed because you didn't go in, or because you weren't sick in the car, which I suppose you could have been if you knew you were going to vomit?

I'm not sure why they're annoyed TBH.

Blondequeenie · 14/05/2019 12:58

If you were an important person for their wedding, you would have been present at the actual ceremony. A wedding is the ceremony, a meal or reception afterwards is just an afterparty to celebrate the wedding which just took place. Your SIL is being very unreasonable as technically you were not invited to their wedding, just the meal afterwards.

Just ignore them and concentrate on your own family! I hope you are feeling better.

purpleme12 · 14/05/2019 12:58

You weren't invited but you were going to go anyway?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/05/2019 13:00

Not really sure why they are angry or why you didnt just wait 10 mins until you felt better then went in. Unless you vomited over your clothes of course.

PookieDo · 14/05/2019 13:00

Is she upset that everyone was talking about what happened?
YANBU unless you have form for doing this at all family events 😂

TheWernethWife · 14/05/2019 13:01

How could you ruin the wedding, not invited, not there when vows taken. SIL is a bloody drama llama.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/05/2019 13:03

She sounds like a right drama llama... how could you being ill have ruined her day?

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 14/05/2019 13:03

She sounds a cow. If you'd gone in, she'd only have picked on you for something else.

There was probably some drama but I don't think you ruined it, exactly. If you were a key player you'd have been at the ceremony anyway.

PregnantSea · 14/05/2019 13:04

You could have just waited 10 minutes and then gone in, but from what you've said it sounds like you didn't want to be there anyway. It's not on for them to exclude you from the ceremony and then tell you that you've ruined the entire wedding just because you were sick and couldn't go to the meal. If you were important enough that your presence was make or break then they would have invited you to the ceremony.

I'd take no notice of your SIL. It sounds like you two wouldn't have had much of a relationship in the future anyway.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 13:05

I was sick in the car- we just happened to be driving past the hotel/looking for parking when I threw up.

OP posts:
Mumminmum · 14/05/2019 13:05

Your SIL is being dramatic. But why didn't you go in? Surely it cannot have been nice to go straight back into the car.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 13:06

I was sick on my clothes/hair (very long). A bit of pee may have come out, sssshh.

OP posts:
PJMasksAreOnTheirWay · 14/05/2019 13:07

You should point out to her that the most important day of her life should have been her fucking wedding, which you weren’t invited to.

What were you supposed to do, predict you were going to be ill?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 14/05/2019 13:08

If I'd spewed the last thing I'd want to do is go to a formal meal!! No amount of 'freshening up' would make up for that!

YANBU! Ask her how you ruined the wedding when you weren't even invited?

Gth1234 · 14/05/2019 13:08

Why on earth would you not be at the ceremony, if you were attending the meal afterwards?

Are you often sick with car travel?

HBStowe · 14/05/2019 13:09

Yanbu. You didn’t have control over what happened, and since you weren’t invited to the ceremony anyway it’s a bit bloody rich for them to claim you not being able to attend ruined the thing.

AfterSchoolWorry · 14/05/2019 13:09

Were you sick from booze?

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 13:10

PregnantSea - I was happy to be there and see very close family. The meal I picked out also sounded delicious. In the morning I went to the hairdressers and made an effort with my make up so was feeling pretty good about myself.

OP posts:
KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies · 14/05/2019 13:11

@purpleme12 she wasn't invited to the ceremony, not the meal after.

SIL is being a bridezilla

BuildBuildings · 14/05/2019 13:11

You didn't ruin their day. But I'm struggling to understand how you were ill for the whole day from some travel sickness. I get really badly travel sick but I'm OK after 30 min.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 13:12

Are you often sick with car travel? Hardly ever. The problem was that we had just got our car valeted and the chemical smell plus dp's aftershave really made me nauseous.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 14/05/2019 13:13

Were you sick from booze?
Yes I think this is the only explanation that makes SIL NBU.
Otherwise it’s not really your fault.

HBStowe · 14/05/2019 13:13

But I'm struggling to understand how you were ill for the whole day from some travel sickness.

She explained she was sick on her hair and clothes.

Xyzzzzz · 14/05/2019 13:14

I don’t think you ruined their day. I think your SIL is overreacting

HundredMilesAnHour · 14/05/2019 13:14

I don't understand why you were so sick that you couldn't go in. Were you travel sick or was it the start of an illness?

Your SIL's comments were pretty nasty. Your attendance can't have been that important if you weren't invited to the actual ceremony although I imagine your DB would have been disappointed you weren't at the meal afterwards as this sounds like quite a small, family affair and your 'reason' for not attending does sound a little on the weird side. Almost as weird as them having a big destination wedding later. How many weddings do this couple need?!