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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I ruin brother's wedding?

324 replies

Saavhi · 14/05/2019 12:53

Last week my brother had a small gathering following his registration wedding (that I was not invited to- only parents and children attended). The venue where they had a sit-down meal was at the top of a very long, winding road. Unfortunately, this caused me to be sick right outside the hotel. Due to the state I was in there was no way I could go in. My half-brother jumped out and explained the situation. My dp and I found somewhere for me to collect myself out as I was still feeling poorly. I rang later in the day to apologise for my absence/wish them well.

On Sunday at my parent's house, my SIL told me I ruined "the most important day of her life" (imo not true as there will be a much larger destination wedding in July). We're not at all close and she doesn't appear to like me. I have heard her call me lazy for being a SAHM. I told her she was being ridiculous and to please move on. I said that I'm not going to keep apologising for something that was beyond my control.

They are offended that dp did not attend or ring (he was parking the car when my half-brother had them on the phone).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 13:14

My brother and SIL could only have 20 people or so inside the registry office. I wasn't offended at all, it was just not possible.

OP posts:
viques · 14/05/2019 13:15

Sounds to me as though you and your new SIL will be vying for top place in the family drama queen stakes for many years to come. Have fun.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 13:16

Were you sick from booze?
No this was before lunchtime

OP posts:
GloGirl · 14/05/2019 13:16

What a bridezilla with what sounds like 3 bloody weddings - a tiny ceremony, a larger celebration with family, and then a big event at a separate time.

As someone else explained - she sounds like she is after a high ideal and if not you, she'd have a major issue with something else.

I really couldn't listen to someone telling me I had spoilt anything I wasnt invited to!

justasking111 · 14/05/2019 13:16

We took DIL`s friend out on our boat, we had to come in she was so ill. She threw up for the rest of the day apparently. Not everyone recovers when removed from the situation. Anyway the OP had ruined her clothes so could not attend.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 13:18

viques
Trust me I'm a wallflower, don't need top place

I had vomited on myself and weed (weak bladder). I really could not go into a small restaurant. And I felt rough/nauseous for the rest of the day.

OP posts:
Double0FeckingBollocks · 14/05/2019 13:18

Do you have mobility issues, OP? in which case your SIL is being very unreasonable and mean. If not, she may be thinking it's a bit odd that an adult woman was so suddenly and violently car sick that they couldn't get out of the vehicle. Maybe she feels you just didn't want to come?

Bestfootforward1 · 14/05/2019 13:20

There's either more to this than meets the eye (is there a history?) Or she's a drama queen.

Ilnome · 14/05/2019 13:20

I am annoyed for you op! You couldn’t help it! Someone needs to get iff their high horse (and its not you! X )

DarlingNikita · 14/05/2019 13:20

I have heard her call me lazy for being a SAHM. Nice, isn't she Hmm

YANBU. Fuck her.

ChuckleBuckles · 14/05/2019 13:21

If she keeps going on OP tell her you will vomit on her at her next wedding.

How could you have "ruined" her day when you were not invited to the wedding ceremony.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 14/05/2019 13:21

That is not for SIL to judge. When you hear a gusset has forwarded their apologies for their absence due to sudden sickness the only acceptable response is to send your well wishes.
It's ridiculous to place blame or demand their attendance.

sarahqueenofp · 14/05/2019 13:22

It’s not your fault you threw up and she would have been more annoyed if you’d wandered in covered in sick I’m sure. She’s being a dick, sickness happens and there’s nothing you can do. No one plans it for special occasions but it happens anyway! I spent my birthday dying of norovirus this year. Annoying but you just have to get over it !

mindutopia · 14/05/2019 13:23

We had a family member not show up to our wedding. Not because he was sick, but because he's a turd and doesn't like other family members and decided at the last moment not to attend without ever telling us. I was a tad bit annoyed only because we'd already paid for his meal and drinks. Beyond that, I didn't give it another thought. We also had 4 other guests leave early after the drinks reception, not staying for the meal, because one of them had recently been in hospital with a heart condition and needed an early night (so took partner and two adult children with them because they were each other's transport). I wished them well. It didn't annoy me at all. Someone's health is way more important than my wedding. She sounds like she's being a drama llama. Her marriage should be the most important thing about her wedding day, not who showed up to eat the meal. Who cares? I honestly hadn't even remembered we had people who didn't come until just now when this reminded me. It didn't impact on my day one bit.

Double0FeckingBollocks · 14/05/2019 13:25

Lol @Contraception. My gusset is very unreasonable, and rarely apologises, despite frequently being in the wrong.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 13:27

is there a history?

Not at all, I really don't mind her. We're just not close due to distance. The only thing that has annoyed me was the sahm comment which my brother shared with our cousin. I didn't make a fuss when I found out either (no point as we see each other so rarely). Did moan to dp though.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 14/05/2019 13:28

Are you PG? Could that explain a) the explosive puking and b) why your SIL is narked, if she has issues around pregnancy (ie she wants to be pg, she is not pg, she has suffered pregnancy loss or whatever).

Contraceptionismyfriend · 14/05/2019 13:30

How does my phone get gusset from guest?!
The auto correct on this thing is getting ridiculous!

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 13:30

Are you PG?
No (I hope)

OP posts:
Boffing · 14/05/2019 13:31

I think if you'd gone into the small restaurant covered in vomit, you may then have spoilt the wedding.

MelBurke · 14/05/2019 13:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

CupOhTea · 14/05/2019 13:37

Yanbu. She sounds very dramatic and a bit annoying. If I'd vomitted and wee'ed on my clothes, of course I wouldn't go to a wedding reception. That probably WOULD have ruined it tbh!

HolesinTheSoles · 14/05/2019 13:37

I don't think you ruined their day, and if you were that important you would have been at the ceremony. That said it sounds like this has to be interpreted from the context of your relationship. Was there really no way of cleaning yourself up enough to attend? It obviously wouldn't have been pleasant but I would imagine in the same situation I would have found a way to attend such an important occasion.

HolesinTheSoles · 14/05/2019 13:38

Although if you were literally totally drenched in vomit (I struggle to see how that would happen) it might indeed be impossible.

EggAndButter · 14/05/2019 13:39

What did your brother say? Does he think you’ve ruined his wedding too?