Did I ruin brother's wedding?

[Saavhi]

Last week my brother had a small gathering following his registration wedding (that I was not invited to- only parents and children attended). The venue where they had a sit-down meal was at the top of a very long, winding road. Unfortunately, this caused me to be sick right outside the hotel. Due to the state I was in there was no way I could go in. My half-brother jumped out and explained the situation. My dp and I found somewhere for me to collect myself out as I was still feeling poorly. I rang later in the day to apologise for my absence/wish them well.

On Sunday at my parent's house, my SIL told me I ruined "the most important day of her life" (imo not true as there will be a much larger destination wedding in July). We're not at all close and she doesn't appear to like me. I have heard her call me lazy for being a SAHM. I told her she was being ridiculous and to please move on. I said that I'm not going to keep apologising for something that was beyond my control.

They are offended that dp did not attend or ring (he was parking the car when my half-brother had them on the phone).

AIBU?

OP I think you would have been damned by the MN judge and jury if you had brushed off the vom and gone in stinking of it and ruining the lunch. And by the sounds of it SIL would've had a beef about that too.

As it is you wanted to go and made a lot of effort only to throw up all over yourself. I think most of us would not have staggered into a lovely lunch and sat with food in front of us in that state.

You have dealt with all the questions and aggression with much patience and tact. I'm sure you are a really nice, kind and good intentioned person who had their day ruined - none of which was your fault. You said sorry and did everything you could. Your SIL sounds lovely! (not). Watch out for that one.

I ban all air fresheners and perfumes in the car and have the windows open so I’m not overcome if there is a chemical pong.

You would have ruined her day even more if you had thrown up in the venue in front of everyone. Being ill happens, she needs to get over herself & get over the fact you couldn't be there, better that than you throwing up & passing something on to everyone who was there.

Unless you had a vomiting bug, you should have gone in after half an hour. Sounds as though you didn't want to go.

Covered in vomit?

There are some loons on this thread.

It’s not remotely unusual for adults to get travel sick.

It’s not always possible to pull over on bendy, winding country lanes. Nor is it always possible to ‘hold’ vomit in.

Nor is it unusual for someone who’s had kids to wee a bit in such circumstances.

And I can tell you from my own experience that puking out the window of a moving vehicle can be A Very Bad Idea Indeed.

Op you sound lovely. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience, and that your SIL is awful.

My God, this is utterly hilarious! OF COURSE she shouldn't have gone in - she was covered in sick and pee and felt like crap! Who in their right mind would actually go to a dinner like that?!? Honestly, if I happen to know any of you, please, PLEASE, don't come to my wedding reception covered in vomit.

OP, YANBU.

Unless you had a vomiting bug, you should have gone in after half an hour. Sounds as though you didn't want to go.

Are you actually being serious?

So she should have gone into a meal with other people covered in sick and wee?

Yeah I’m sure the other guests would’ve loved to have the stench of puke circulating around them whilst they were eating their meals.

You’re either being deliberately goady or just dim. The OP has several times she was looking forward to this meal. She had her eyebrows and her hair done specially and had a lovey new expensive outfit. If she really didn’t want to go she’d have faked sickness before attending and not even made the journey. Not wasted a 90 minute journey to throw up all over her nice outfit and newly done hair and then used that as an excuse 🙄

Crikey, i daren't think of the states some people must attend weddings in, if they think wet wiping vomit off clothes, dry shampooing vomit encrusted hair, while drying a wee stain under the hand dryer is acceptable attire for a posh, sit down meal. I wonder where these people would draw the line, how revolting would someone have to be for it to be acceptable to not attend?

OP, of course you didn't ruin the wedding, some people on MN will argue just for the sake of it, no matter how deranged it makes them appear.

You wernt invited to the gathering yet turned up and vomited. So why did someone have to apologize for your absence??? This dosnt make sense.. What's happened to Mumsnet - have people lost the ability to read?

Jeez, is this thread still going on?

Poor OP. You can't win, sometimes. Some of the answers you've had have been despicable.

I really do despair sometimes! Are there really people who think it's acceptable/reasonable/essential to attend a meal after being sick? I hope I would never be that heartless and selfish as to expect it of someone, wedding meal or not.

I wonder, OP, if your SIL is overreacting out of defensiveness, in that she was expecting you to feel snubbed about not being invited to the ceremony (even though you were fine with it). Maybe she is using the situation to assuage her guilt/discomfort about not inviting you to the ceremony. Of course that decision would have been a joint one with your brother, but still .... just my penny's worth.

I can't decide whether some posters on this thread are stupid or just being bitches from behind the safety of their keyboard. Probably a combination of both.

To the people that have said this is unbelievable or didn't happen, have any of you smelt that hideous air-freshener that car valeting firms use? It is barftastic in the extreme.
Yes and it absolutely turned my stomach. Fortunately I wasn't sick in the (rented) car but was as soon as I got home and was queasy for a while after.

Not sure why you've had such a drubbing from some people on here OP. I would DEFINITELY not have wanted to sit near you whether I was eating nor not (sorry). 🌺

I was car sick once going round a very windy road on the way to airport. We had to pull over so I could vomit out the side. I was lucky I didn't get it all over my clothes. I felt like shit the rest of the day.

Cologne and air freshener give me headaches so I can imagine how gross that would have been.

Bahhhhhumbug, the OP said she felt rough/nauseous for the rest of the day.

A shower/clean clothes, even if available, wouldn't cure that.

DarlingNikita the Op has said herself a shower would have been more ideal, whether or not she went into the meal or just drove home without sick in hair and in dry new clothes for 90 mins journey home. I think we'll agree to differ if you're saying that a shower and hair washed properly doesn't make most people feel better rather than sitting with your own vomit stuck in your hair etc. I was merely pointing out that people who work in the hotel industry are often much more accommodating than people expect when a pebble dashed bridesmaid or a coffee soaked best man or whatever arrives at reception.

Bahhhhhumbug - I was addressing your comment where you said we should have asked the hotel to use their shower- it didn't even enter our heads to do so. Hindsight is 20/20 I think you're forgetting that.

Of course, I would have preferred washing up using a shower as opposed to a sink in disabled toilets. Regardless there is absolutely NO way I would have been able to sit around food and be pleasant company. You have my word on that.

I said in my last post 'whether or not you went into the meal' (after hypothetical shower) So yes l appreciate you may still not have wanted to go in and l do appreciate hindsight is a wonderful thing. I was merely pointing out that hotel staff are often extremely helpful and accommodating in these situations ime which are not unheard of in the hotel business.

Oh Bahhhhhumbug, for heaven's sake let it go

Jesus christ - The OP was ill. VOMITTING. SMELLING OF SICK. FEELING SHIT. Do some of you really expect her to waltz in to show her face? Christ, the empathy (or lack of it from some of you) on this thread is astounding.

DarlingNikita no you first!