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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I ruin brother's wedding?

324 replies

Saavhi · 14/05/2019 12:53

Last week my brother had a small gathering following his registration wedding (that I was not invited to- only parents and children attended). The venue where they had a sit-down meal was at the top of a very long, winding road. Unfortunately, this caused me to be sick right outside the hotel. Due to the state I was in there was no way I could go in. My half-brother jumped out and explained the situation. My dp and I found somewhere for me to collect myself out as I was still feeling poorly. I rang later in the day to apologise for my absence/wish them well.

On Sunday at my parent's house, my SIL told me I ruined "the most important day of her life" (imo not true as there will be a much larger destination wedding in July). We're not at all close and she doesn't appear to like me. I have heard her call me lazy for being a SAHM. I told her she was being ridiculous and to please move on. I said that I'm not going to keep apologising for something that was beyond my control.

They are offended that dp did not attend or ring (he was parking the car when my half-brother had them on the phone).

AIBU?

OP posts:
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 14/05/2019 14:56

I'm so glad my friends and family aren't like some people on here. A few years ago my friend got married. I was on medication and it didn't agree with me so I didn't stay for the meal. I didn't send DH in, he stayed with me. Guess what? As my friend is a normal, caring person she wasn't worried that two meals were going to waste, she was worried about me.

I'm really hope that some people on MN put on a front when they post. Surely no one can be that uncaring in real life.

Alena92 · 14/05/2019 14:58

Can’t believe the comments on her about how you should’ve just pulled yourself together and gone in anyway.
No way would I have.
Think people on this thread are trying to be bitchy for no reason when actually, I doubt most of them would have attended the meal smelling of vomit.
It’s also hardly the most unbelievable thing to have ever happened, people can still be sick even if they’re not pregnant and aren’t usually travel sick....Confused don’t get why it’s so hard to believe

popehilarious · 14/05/2019 14:59

If people tended to be "sick" when they "travel" then surely there'd be some sort of common term for this.

Like "travel sickness" idk

Lweji · 14/05/2019 14:59

Next time, do not ruin her wedding party. Just go in and risk vomiting right in front of them. Even better if while congratulating the bride.

She's an arse.

You didn't ruin it. You just didn't attend.

diddl · 14/05/2019 15:08

I used to get travel sick.

The feeling nauseous for so long then the relief at being sick, but the headache & exhaustion that followed!

Could never have faced food or a social event!

Only thing that cured me was having kids!

Musti · 14/05/2019 15:09

How did you manage to vomit over yourself?? Why didn't you stop the car or put your head out of the window? Even my kids manage bot to vomit over themselves past the age of 6.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 14/05/2019 15:10

I take it you haven't read the thread Musti...

DarlingNikita · 14/05/2019 15:12

That just doesn’t happen in real life.
Ah, OK, I stand corrected.
WTF?

If people tended to be "sick" when they "travel" then surely there'd be some sort of common term for this.

Like "travel sickness" idk Grin Grin Grin

LillithsFamiliar · 14/05/2019 15:13

I think the vomiting is a red herring. She's not annoyed that you vomited. She's annoyed that meant neither you nor your DP attended and neither of you called to explain and apologise. Did you offer to pay for your meals?

dreichuplands · 14/05/2019 15:13

You would have ruined everything much more if you had gone in stinking of vomit and sat through the meal, perhaps being sick again.
Maybe your dh should have stuck his head round the door for both of you.
But sil isn't being sensible.

DarlingNikita · 14/05/2019 15:17

LillithsFamiliar, perhaps you've failed to comprehend. The OP says "My half-brother jumped out and explained the situation. and then I rang later in the day to apologise for my absence/wish them well.*

Walkaround · 14/05/2019 15:19

Of course you didn't ruin the wedding. It was a very unfortunate accident. If you have such a weak bladder, it would have made sense to be wearing appropriate protection (you must have seen the ads for bladder weakness products!...), though, and to be tying you hair back with something in preparation for what was obviously going to happen. Maybe opening the car window would also have been a good idea, if the chemical smell was a large part of the problem, then you might have been able to hold off the vomit for longer. However, we can't always be perfectly prepared for the somewhat unexpected! How many people take a change of clothes with them to a wedding lunch?
Maybe they wanted you to drive back down the windy road, find a clothes shop, buy new clothes and then vomit again having done the same journey that caused the problem the first time around! I would have been disappointed you could not be there, but would not have blamed you for it.

LillithsFamiliar · 14/05/2019 15:19

Darling they didn't initially call or apologise. They delegated it to their half-brother.

Eliza9919 · 14/05/2019 15:19

Are you often sick with car travel? Hardly ever. The problem was that we had just got our car valeted and the chemical smell plus dp's aftershave really made me nauseous.

Why didn't you open the window?

I don't see how if you knew you were going to be sick, you didn't move your hair or made your DP stop the car if you were in the car park outside.

I think you intended to not go and to cause a fuss. Do you do that all major family events op?

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 15:24

I did call. We weren't in the car park, we were driving right past the venue when I threw up.

I did open the window, didn't stop the nausea/strong smell was still present. I do regret not being sick out the window but there were strangers on the street which put me off.

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/05/2019 15:24

I think you intended to not go and to cause a fuss.

I can totally see someone vomiting just not to attend their brother's wedding meal, after travelling all the way there in formal clothes.

Alena92 · 14/05/2019 15:27

Think some of the posters here are looking for a reaction OP and are being deliberately obtuse and unwavering just to be nasty since they’re all hidden behind the safety of a screen

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 15:28

For the last time, I wanted to go. Who wouldn't enjoy a posh meal? The day before the wedding I got my brows threaded and had eyelash extensions put on. On the day of the wedding I got up early to get my hair styled and pick up their gift.

OP posts:
haloumi · 14/05/2019 15:28

SIL is being a bitch for the sake of it.

Forget about it... she will probably hold it high in family folkore for eons to come because she sounds like a drama queen... but you have already wasted enough of your life even giving it a second thought,,.... you were sick FFS.... she needs to get over it

spanishwife · 14/05/2019 15:31

Of course they were pissed off, it sounds entirely unbelievable.

Personally, I think YES you did ruin the wedding. But it wasn't intentional so there's no need for them to start an argument about it.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 14/05/2019 15:32

@LillithsFamiliar they were outside the venue when he op threw Up! How much notice could they have given?!

CaptSkippy · 14/05/2019 15:33

Wow!

What is this attitude that people have that a person must attend a wedding at all cost? It's only a wedding. Nobody died by OP not attending, FFS.

Where is the sympathy for getting ill, which nobody want in the first place? It's no wonder most weddings are a nightmare to attend if this is the general attitude towards it.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 15:34

I rang as soon as I was clean and feeling better

OP posts:
lololove · 14/05/2019 15:35

Not unusual for an adult to have travel sickness at all - I have it badly on all methods other than trains (so long as I sit facing the way I'm going I'm ok. If I sit backwards on a train... not good!). Always been the same. I can manage half hour but any longer and I'm puking.

Your SIL sounds horrific, your poor brother. I hope she treats him better than she does you! She owes you an apology. I'd hope it was just emotions flying high after her wedding rather than her actual personality.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 15:36

I'm an introvert. I certainly do not enjoy drawing attention to myself.

OP posts: