Did I ruin brother's wedding?

[Saavhi]

Last week my brother had a small gathering following his registration wedding (that I was not invited to- only parents and children attended). The venue where they had a sit-down meal was at the top of a very long, winding road. Unfortunately, this caused me to be sick right outside the hotel. Due to the state I was in there was no way I could go in. My half-brother jumped out and explained the situation. My dp and I found somewhere for me to collect myself out as I was still feeling poorly. I rang later in the day to apologise for my absence/wish them well.

On Sunday at my parent's house, my SIL told me I ruined "the most important day of her life" (imo not true as there will be a much larger destination wedding in July). We're not at all close and she doesn't appear to like me. I have heard her call me lazy for being a SAHM. I told her she was being ridiculous and to please move on. I said that I'm not going to keep apologising for something that was beyond my control.

They are offended that dp did not attend or ring (he was parking the car when my half-brother had them on the phone).

AIBU?

I would have put my hair up and cleaned myself up in the toilet. Are you going on the destination wedding?

What a waste of money your brother spent on your meal. Maybe that pissed them off too.

She's upset because you took away the attention from her by not being there and being poorly. People will have been talking about you and asking if you were ok instead of giving her all the attention in the world.

Yanbu- these things happen and it was entirely unexpected/unpredicted etc and she needs to wind her neck in and grow up.

Good luck for the future with this one as a sil.....I suspect you May have quite a few aibu threads over the years!

No @Double0FeckingBollocks I didn't understand what you were saying and thought you'd missed the OP saying she was covered in sick. Please don't make accusations like that, you're doing the same as OP's SIL!

It all sounds a bit melodramatic from both parties. Firstly I know you’ve said you were sick on yourself but you could have surely just cleaned yourself up enough to go in and quickly apologise in person. Also was your dh supposed to be going to this meal? If he was it’s a bit crappy to sit outside the venue if they’ve paid for his meal. There’s not exactly a lot he could’ve done for you if you’re covered in sick and feeling grotty. If you lived less than an hour away then I think you should’ve gone home, changed and gone back to the meal, even if you couldn’t eat anything. If you’ve travelled a good distance you wouldn’t be able to do that obviously.

I have a chronic illness though which means I’m a bit unsympathetic when other people have to lie down in a darkened room for a day just because they vomited. Life goes on.

Just reading the comments and questions on this thread and it's like an episode of "would I lie to you"!

Did your brother maybe put them off their soon to be eaten meal by 'jumping out' to tell them you'd been sick.? Not best thing to hear at an expensive sit down meal you and your guests are about to enjoy.

I have a very weak bladder. Sneezing, laughing uncontrollably in public is a major fear of mine. I may be young(ish) but it does happen.

I REEKED. No way could I go in. I literally had vomit in my hair.

Dp didn't sit outside. He drove me to get new clothes and look after me as I was feeling poorly.

Only on Mumsnet do adults never vomit on themselves when stuck in a seated position in an enclosed space, but if they do they go into a fancy restaurant anyway...

Good grief of course she couldn't go in! She was covered in vomit! and a bit of wee.

People get car sick at any stage in life and often these things can hit you at the worst of times. I'm sure OP would have rather been inside the fancy event, eating her nice dinner and celebrating instead of a wasted 90 minute journey and embarrassment and uncomfortable situation of being sick all over herself in the first place. Not to mention the 90 minute drive back smelling like sick.

SIL is being a drama queen and a dick. She's clearly looking to start a fight and probably has done. I don't see their marriage lasting very long if this is what she picks arguments with her DH family over and these are the excuses she has to be so unfriendly with them.

@TeaStory apology accepted.

i would have put my hair up and cleaned myself up in the toilet and then go and sit next to people who are eating smelling of vomit? Really?

OP, there’s not much else you could have done, nothing you did wrong as it was out of your control.

Jesus there are some ridiculous comments on this thread!

I suffer from travel sickness and there's no way I would want to eat a large meal feeling like that, especially if I'd actually been sick. Would any of the posters who say OP should have cleaned herself up and put up her vomit covered hair have been happy to sit next to her?

Only on mumsnet does someone not ill, not usually travel sick, not pregnant vomit so violently as to render them out of the count for the day, unable to enter a public place and requiring a babysitter (in her husband). It is literally unbelievable , hence your brother probably doesn’t. I call drama queen.

If you’d really wanted to join then you would have.

popped to the loos to freshen up

your 'reason' for not attending does sound a little on the weird side.

And on and on and on.

God, there's some dense people (or just cunts? It's hard to tell) on here.

NB

I would have put my hair up and cleaned myself up in the toilet and then go and sit next to people who are eating smelling of vomit? Really

Yes I would if it was my brothers wedding.

Or at least I’d send my Dh in to continue and not need him to baby sit.

The op snubbed the wedding it’s clear

No darling, I’m neither a cunt nor dense, but it’s the weirdest incident/overreaction I think I’ve ever read on here. That just doesn’t happen in real life.

Why? Because it hasn't happened to you?

She sounds fun!

No one can go into a meal coated in vomit ! Apart from the smell, and the fact it needs properly washing out of hair, there is no way of knowing until later whether it is normal travel sickness, or a virus. I can’t imagine they would have been very happy if half the people there had come down with norovirus the next day ! Only sensible thing is to go home.

I love my brother and have never fallen with my SIL. I did not snub the wedding. I was all dressed up and looking forward to a posh meal and champagne with family.

People saying just pop to the loo to freshen up. I remember being sick in the car when pregnant and there wasn't anywhere that we could immediately pull the car in. It went everywhere. In my hair, over my clothes. It was coming out of my nose, you name it. Due to pregnancy I also leaked some urine like the OP. I felt and looked like rubbish. The only way to freshen up was to have a shower and change my clothes. Washing my hands and splashing water on my face wasn't going to cut it I'm afraid.

fallen out*

I don't understand why people are finding this difficult to believe. Op was travel sick, made a mess of herself and didn't feel able to go into a restaurant for a fancy meal with a bunch of folks who are all dressed up and giddy after a wedding. How does that spoil the bride's day? Brides are usually in a whirl of happiness such that they're not micro-managing what everyone else is doing.

FWIW I'm not someone who tends to get travel sick, but I did get horribly seasick on FiL's yacht one day. The vomiting continued when I got ashore, again in the car on the way back to their home and, worse, carried on on the plane home to UK that night. It was utterly horrendous.