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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I ruin brother's wedding?

324 replies

Saavhi · 14/05/2019 12:53

Last week my brother had a small gathering following his registration wedding (that I was not invited to- only parents and children attended). The venue where they had a sit-down meal was at the top of a very long, winding road. Unfortunately, this caused me to be sick right outside the hotel. Due to the state I was in there was no way I could go in. My half-brother jumped out and explained the situation. My dp and I found somewhere for me to collect myself out as I was still feeling poorly. I rang later in the day to apologise for my absence/wish them well.

On Sunday at my parent's house, my SIL told me I ruined "the most important day of her life" (imo not true as there will be a much larger destination wedding in July). We're not at all close and she doesn't appear to like me. I have heard her call me lazy for being a SAHM. I told her she was being ridiculous and to please move on. I said that I'm not going to keep apologising for something that was beyond my control.

They are offended that dp did not attend or ring (he was parking the car when my half-brother had them on the phone).

AIBU?

OP posts:
TeaStory · 14/05/2019 13:39

Have you read the OP’s posts @Double0FeckingBollocks? She had vomit in her hair, and vomit and pee on her clothes!

Justbreathing · 14/05/2019 13:40

Bit strange to vom so much from so little!

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 13:45

Bit strange to vom so much from so little

There was a decent amount (breakfast, coffee, water etc).

OP posts:
EffYouSeeKaye · 14/05/2019 13:46

I’d pee on a stick if I were you.

Your SIL sounds like an ass. Best not to give her anymore oxygen. Sorry you missed the wedding. Hope you feel better.

CaptSkippy · 14/05/2019 13:46

Sil sounds like a selfish asshole. You must have felt awful throwing up. I wouldn't have gone in either in your situation. Nobody chooses when they get ill. It just happens.

Flowers I hope you are fully recovered.
Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 13:46

What did your brother say?

Brother said he was glad to see me and hoped I was better when he first saw me. When things got heated around the table he was sort playing both sides, I think in an attempt to mediate.

OP posts:
ElBandito · 14/05/2019 13:48

You’re in a no win situation here. I’m sure if you had gone in smelling of vomit that would have ruined the day as well.

TixieLix · 14/05/2019 13:49

If the registry office could take around 20 people, and only parents and children were invited, how did they not have room for you OP? Have they got 7 or more kids each?

BigChocFrenzy · 14/05/2019 13:50

If you'd gone in feelng rough, probably smelly and looking rough .... then thrown up at the table,
she'd have justification that this would be the major memory of her wedding for those anywhere near you.

babysharkah · 14/05/2019 13:50

Were you travel sick? Couldn't you have, erm, directed it better, and not got it in your hair. Otherwise I'm confused.

letsgohooray · 14/05/2019 13:51

HundredMilesAnHour why is it hard for you to understand why the OP didn't go in? She has explained very clearly that she vomited on her clothes and her hair and did a little wee. What weirdo would go into a restaurant in that state?
viques why are you accusing the OP of being a drama queen? She vomited. How does that make one a drama queen?
HolesinTheSoles Was there really no way of cleaning yourself up enough to attend? It obviously wouldn't have been pleasant but I would imagine in the same situation I would have found a way to attend such an important occasion.* Are you serious? Have you actually ever been around vomit? The smell is horrendous and is not removed by a little wipe. The OP would have literally had to go home, wash her hair and get changed. I doubt she could have done this, remade herself up and got to the venue in any sort of time. Walking in smelling even a little like vomit would have been more rude as it would have put people off their meal.

MulticolourMophead · 14/05/2019 13:53

For register offices you have to include the officials in the head count too, it's total numbers allowed in the room for fire regs. But it could be that inviting all the sibs on both sides could have taken them over the limit so none were invited.

Anyway, if OP had been important enough to attend, a different register office could have been booked.

Double0FeckingBollocks · 14/05/2019 13:54

Yes I have read the other posts, thank you @TeaStory. I'm just trying to imagine why the SIL would be so unsympathetic. I'm not at all suggesting that what OP says is untrue, only that for an adult to get vomit all over themselves and in their hair from car sickness is unusual. Do you understand?

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 14/05/2019 13:55

I think if you'd gone into the small restaurant covered in vomit, you may then have spoilt the wedding.

Exactly! To those who are saying she should've cleaned herself up and gone in...even a little vomit on clothing smells absolutely foul and it would've ruined the meal for the other guests. I would leave rather than sit near someone smelling of vom! Grin She had no choice but to go home and shower.

Your SIL is being a complete bridezilla so just ignore her. They're having a massive do in the summer anyway so you can be a full-on, enthusiastic guest at that.

Butterymuffin · 14/05/2019 13:56

I continue to be astonished at the number of people who seem willing to piss off almost everyone they know by booking the smallest room the register office has to save some money and then saying that they can only accommodate 7 people at the ceremony. Why do all these register offices have such tiny rooms anyway?

Miffymeow · 14/05/2019 13:58

She sounds like an absolute drama queen and a mega bitch from what you have said. Not sure how anyone can be angry at someone for being sick... If you had gone in covered in puke, weeing, and thrown up on her other guests maybe she might have reason, but you didn't do anything bad at all. I suspect your brother is in for a bad time over the coming years unfortunately, hopefully she is nicer to him. Flowers

Butterymuffin · 14/05/2019 13:58

And also, the event they're calling a 'destination wedding' - most people call that a honeymoon. They've got married and had a reception, then they're having a holiday togethers to celebrate. It's a honeymoon.

twattymctwatterson · 14/05/2019 14:00

I love how people are trying to find some way to make the op at fault for vomiting on herself

TeaStory · 14/05/2019 14:00

Yes, I understand @Double0FeckingBollocks, but I don’t understand why you started going on about mobility problems and suggested that might be the only acceptable reason for OP not getting out of the car.

justmyview · 14/05/2019 14:00

If you were sick because you were hungover, perhaps YABbitU

Otherwise YANBU

TeaStory · 14/05/2019 14:01

And no it’s not unusual to get vomit on your clothes and hair if you upchuck in a restrained seated position with long hair down.

CabbageHippy · 14/05/2019 14:02

it's very odd that as an adult that feels sick you were sick on yourself rather than pulling over/your brother letting you out the car right outside the hotel while he parks.

TooManyPaws · 14/05/2019 14:03

It's very easy to get vomit 🤮 in your hair if you have long hair. Think about sitting down in a car, hair loose, and then learning forward instinctively as you start to vomit. Mess on your skirt at least and on your hair as it swings forward. Stink city.

Paddington68 · 14/05/2019 14:04

You gatecrashed a wedding and then spewed?

TooManyPaws · 14/05/2019 14:04

it's very odd that as an adult that feels sick you were sick on yourself rather than pulling over/your brother letting you out the car right outside the hotel while he parks.

I find it very odd that people can apparently vomit on cue, ie holding it in until it is apparently acceptable.