AIBU to think young children can manage fine with their mother away Mon-Fri?

[UndertheCedartree]

Just interested in opinions/experiences of this

Thanks, everyone. The disscussion about the context has been really useful. It has helped me understand how the situation will mean the children feel differently than just 'abandoned' which is how I think of it in my head alot. Thanks, all

Too little info to say.

Not if you bother reading the thread. 🙄🙄🙄

This depends entirely on individual circumstances, but I would urge anyone thinking of making this a permanent arrangement to consider how their children's needs will change over time and what this will mean for your contact tie. Many children as they get older want to spend more and more weekend time with friends and having sleepovers. They should absolutely be allowed to do this, but this means spending less and less time with the weekend parent. If it is at all possible splitting the week differently so that the children get to have ordinary weeknight/ routine stuff with both parents AND fun weekend stuff with both parents.

I’d say having a well mum will be much better for them in the long run. It must be hard to be away from your kids and I can see you really care about what’s best for them. In my opinion you being well is what’s best for them, whatever it takes to make you well, being separate from them during the week, may be hard right now but better for you all in the long run.
Wishing you all the best.

As a nanny I saw children who saw very little of either one or both parents.They do get used to it and cope but surely coping isnt all we want for them?

busy did you read the thread and all the Op’s updates about her health and how she has NO choice in being away (which is vastly different from being away with work)?

Must be so hard for you but you have to do what you need to do in order to be around longer for your children, they’ll be be and will understand. Ignore the vicious comments on here, people today have zero manners! Get better soon! 💐

*be ok

If they have a decent father and if it's not all then nothing all of a sudden.

Socif Mum is away for a day or two in the past, this seems reasonable whereas if they have never been parted I think it's different.

Sounds like a fairly standard shared custody arrangement between separated parents. I knew plenty of kids at school who stayed with their mums Mon-Fri and their dads at the weekend. No reason why flipping that the other way would make any difference.

It's threads like these that really show the importance of RTFT

Don't post AT ALL till you've at least seen the OP's posts.

Just don't.

I’m sorry I can’t read 8 pages of comments I’ve tried to find your updates so hopefully not saying anything silly

I think being away from a parent is tough & if you’re worried about feelings like ‘abandonment’ etc there are things you could do - for example you could write to each of your children every day with lots of affirmation. All children need love & reassurance & no matter the circumstances it can be hard without it even if they look old enough and strong.

How aware are they of your illness and the treatment, why you have to be away like this? I think it makes a massive difference if they know why a parentis away, rather than it being some great mystery.

Otherwise, it sounds like a fairly standard shared parenting arrangement. I can't think why they would feel abandoned under the circumstances.

If they're OK at schoo, if their dad's care of them is OK, then they really will be fine.

Don’t worry OP. You’re all doing the best you can. If your kids know it’s because your going to the doctors to get well they will understand your absence and maybe not put too much pressure on you in the weekends and do things you can manage. Some people prefer to act like nothing is wrong and while great might lead to misunderstandings and others tell it like it is and with lots of love.

I write as someone a who has a DH away every week Monday -Thursday. (He is an MP)

Started when the kids were quite small. They still have a fab relationship with him- no, not seeing him every day, but having contact- email/phone.

It means life is different- and the relationship will be different. But not bad Just different.

And just to those who were super critical at the beginning before they knew the situation- perhaps consider that there are hundreds of people who have situations like this. Many MPs are away from their kids all week. Military parents who are away for months. Etc etc.

I hope you are OK OP. I’m sure your kids will understand- and appreciate the Time they do have with you.

IMO parenting is all about quality not quantity. I say this as someone who would have gladly swapped a couple of hours with a nice mum for the full time parenting I got from mine.

Your kids will just fit all their 'Mum needs' into the time they have with you. They are very resilient and even if they miss you during the week, it will just make your time together at weekends all the sweeter.

Thank you for all the kind comments!

Yes, the children do know that I'm away because I'm unwell. Although it can be hard to know how much to tell them. But it has never been kept as a 'great mystery' from them.

I find it particularly hard because I'm so far away from them. Like if they needed me I couldn't get there quickly! Which is silly of course as they have their dad close at hand.

Hi Cedartree, you have my sympathies. Sounds like you are going through something so, so difficult.

It's great that you've found a way for the dc to stay in their own house full time and to be cared for by a parent who loves them at all times. They are fed, kept safe, being educated, have a roof over their head, and parents really concerned about their wellbeing.

The fact that you're worrying about this shows that you're aware of it and that is all important.

Get well and take care of yourself. The kids will be fine. You sound like a hero.

Omg I’m p*ing myself at the people saying it’s not fair for the dad to have weekdays with all the homework and s**t and the mum only had weekends, But it ok the other way around? Nobody complains then do they? I wouldn’t leave my children for 5 days, even if I could, because I feel kids need their mum. Old fashioned? Maybe but it’s each to their own. Not into mum shaming so as long as the kids are looked after it’s none of my business

A lot of co-parenting arrangements are weekend based. My DD copes fine with being at her dad's at the weekends.

Jelly rtft

I would bat an eyelid at a father working away Mon to Fri every week, actually. If he has to, he has to, but I'd think it would harm their family life.

No

I have no idea I guess every child copes differently. Maybe the father works weekends, maybe he wants to go out all weekend?