AIBU to think young children can manage fine with their mother away Mon-Fri?

[UndertheCedartree]

Just interested in opinions/experiences of this

I thought you meant young children as under 5-6, 7 and 12 should be fine if they are with their other parent when the mum is away.

Ahh - cross post, sorry

Depends on a number of factors. Ideally the child would get to see both parents every day. That said I know quite a few happy children with divorced parents or a parent who commutes or works long hours who spend most of the week with only one parent and they seem to manage fine.

As long as DC are close to their dad and get to spend a lot of time with him during the week I don't think their mum being gone would usually be the end of the world.

@NoBaggyPants - I haven't given too much information because I wanted people to be honest

@DairyQueen2 - every week not just a one off

If parents are separated, then it's about as good as you can get, I guess. Time has to be split somehow I guess

Going from Mum being the primary carer to being away all week could be an issue.

If it's long term it's also incredibly unfair that Dad gets all week - school, homework and the likes - and Mum gets the weekends. When does Dad take them to the zoo, have a day lounging around the house etc.

Well on the new facts disclosed I would say that where parents are divorced it is often (although not always) the case that children would go through the weekdays without seeing the non resident parent.

Ok - a bit more info. The children are 7 and 12. Mum has probably been primary caregiver but Dad very involved. Children are with Dad during the week and Mum Fri afternoon - Sunday eve. Parents are seperated.

Sorry cross post. Well if you're separated then the DC will be apart from one of their parents during the week. If their mum is usually primary carer then they'll be a transition that will be difficult (for both but especially the 7 year old). As long as their dad is a loving, competent parent though I don't see the issue.

JustTwoMoreSecs - what do you base that on? Ime children need and want their parents (as opposed to paid childcarers) more as they get older.

I would’ve found this hard when mine were these ages. But I think it depends who you leave them with. If they have a good relationship with their dad should be ok. But I would’ve missed mine too much.

If it's long term it's also incredibly unfair that Dad gets all week - school, homework and the likes - and Mum gets the weekends. When does Dad take them to the zoo, have a day lounging around the house etc

Very much agree with this

Ok - a bit more info. The children are 7 and 12. Mum has probably been primary caregiver but Dad very involved. Children are with Dad during the week and Mum Fri afternoon - Sunday eve. Parents are separated

I’ve been that child and I think that assuming the mother has no additional issues such as severe mental health problems it’s a terrible idea. It means that the mother is not a part of their day to day lives. She’s not there for the play dates, the late evening chats, the ins and outs of everyday life. It is absolutely not the same when she’s doing the weekends. It’s a very different dynamic and it makes the father the primary career. In theory that should be totally fine but in practice I think it runs a very serious risk of long term damage to her relationship with her child, although obviously it’s might be brilliant for the dad relationship. I’m not a fan of 50/50 but I do think that in order to have a proper involvement of her children life she needs some proper midweek interaction.

I was that child. My dad is incredible but I absolutely hated my mum not being a proper part of my life although I saw her every weekend. Even as an adult we don’t have a proper relationship as she’s has never really lived a family life and doesn’t get what it takes.

If it were a temporary arrangement for work reasons which had a finite end then that’s different but not as a potential permanent arrangement

Well I don’t think it’s ideal no, not every week. Especially if mum is the primary caregiver.

Even if not, I’d say no! Why can’t the week be split differently

Given many dads only get EOW so are away from their children for far longer, I'd say It's fine. They are with a parent, not with babysitters etc.

My mum went to uni several hours away by train when I was maybe 7. It was a fantastic opportunity for her to retrain. For 3 years, she was away in term time Monday to Friday - she left very early on Monday and came home Friday evening. It was fine. I was with my dad in the week in term time, and sometimes stayed over at my best friend's, and she was home all through the holidays. I have a very fond memory of my dad reading me the entire Lord of the Rings in the evenings that first winter.

It did no harm to my relationship with my mum.

Grim for all concerned that scenario

Kids away from mum all week if that who they are normally used to
Dad gets no weekend time with kids to do fun stuff and is lumped with all the ferrying to and from school and homework

So dad gets all the weekday school shit and mum gets all the fun weekend stuff? Not fair.

Mum choosing to disappear for five days jolly a week? Children will be aware of this and resent you in the long run.

Mum being away for health reasons, so she can be able to better able to care for the children in the longer term? Children will remember the positive time with mum in the short and long term.

Children are perceptive. They know the difference between someone who chooses not to be there and someone that would do anything to be with them but circumstances take them away in the shorter term.

They'd survive, but not ideal.

So this is a contact arrangement? I don't think that's fair on either the children or the father, as others have said sharing weekends with the children is the norm not one parent having every single weekend with them and one having none.

My brother and I had this arrangement.

We as people have suffered and our relationship with our Mother has REALLY suffered. We will never forgive her.

Since when has work been a “jolly”?

I am a bit confused- you say it’s a one off? No problem at all!

Weekend contact should alternate. Mum gets all the fun time and none of the responsibility, same as I would say if roles reversed.