AIBU to think young children can manage fine with their mother away Mon-Fri?

[UndertheCedartree]

Just interested in opinions/experiences of this

Sorry- you said not a one off! Is it contact? Not very fair on the other parents but if it’s illness I guess needs must

Well, kids of a separation sort of have to be ok, don’t they? Because they don’t have a choice.

It’s fine OP. Plenty of Dads see their children only EOW. However as it’s not what they’ve always known, the transition will be difficult & will need to be managed properly.

Going from having their mum there all week to being away the majority of the week is going to have an affect on them. They will feel abandoned. It's not good for their relationship with their father to never see him for weekends. One weekend in four, at least, with their father would be better for them.

I feel sad just thinking about it.
For the children but also for the parent.

@NoBaggyPants - thanks - that did make me feel better. I'm just heading back to hospital and beating myself up for being away from the children.

Just to fill everyone else in - for the past 9 months I have been away from my children Sun eve til Fri afternoon as I am having treatment as an in-patient in hospital. Hopefully won't be away for more than another 7 months.

Just to add - Dad is quite happy to get the weekends to himself!

Neither my kids nor I could bare that. Sorry

#Giantsbane - we've had no choice but to bare it, unfortunately. I just want my children to be ok.

I think it’s unfair on everyone.

Children have to go all week without seeing their mother - a midweek over night is usual.

Father gets no “fun time” (weekends)

Mother

Mother gets no weekends off for socialising

Ahh okay, since my post I can see that the lack of weekday contact is due to extenuating circumstances and won’t be forever.

Yes, your kids will be okay. Children are super resilient. I hope your treatment is going well Is there any way their dad or someone else could bring them to the hospital to visit you midweek if that’s allowed/wouldn’t upset them?

It depends. Do the children have adequate care or are they adults? Ffs, why is it so difficult to form a coherent sentence that has all the facts?
20 is young to a 90 year old.
Do you a nanny?

Your children have two parents who Iove them. They are being cared for by one of these parents everyday. It’s a better situation than many children have and you are all doing your best. It’s fine. I hope your treatment is a success.

I just want my children to be ok

They’ll be ok.

Keep an eye on the emotional welfare . of the children.
I have been in and out a lot this year, often for 7+ days at a time. I've just come back out for a few more weeks, and this visit has really impacted my 13-year-old.
The school have been fabulous with offering support in school to help with the emotional aspect (not relying fully on them for this). But it's given him space from outside friends/family to talk to someone.

I don't know why people are mentioning weekends. With separated families, a number also have one parent doing the grunt work, and usually, dad is the fun weekends. EOW isn't always the only contact whether arranged privately or through the courts.

Gamerwidow said it best. Your children are loved and cared for by both parents. They will be just fine.

I think it’s fine. The father would get time to take the kids out, kids are often on school holidays (6 weeks in the summer) so although during term time dad doesn’t get time to take them out he gets a lot of extra time to do so in the school holidays assuming he can take time off work?

I know a few dads that have a similar arrangement and it works for them.

We do a lot of facetime btw and off ward visits as he couldn't handle the ward visits.

Good luck with your treatment, your children will know it’s not through choice you’re leaving them. It’s tough but a friend has to limit contact with her own kids due to radiation exposure regularly. Never mind the hospital stays. The kids are very factual about it but know it’s medical and not choice.

Get yourself well. They will be fine and they need their mum around for a long time. Good luck op.

Yes, I think children that age can understand that it's something that can't be helped, but that you love them and want to be with them as much as possible.

I was assuming it was a custody arrangement where the primary caregiver had lost custody.

Your situation is obviously not ideal for the kids but you are doing the best you can, as long as dad is supportive it will be fine.

Enjoy your weekends with the kids.

I've been working away for 3 or 4 days a week for many years. DH is a SAHD. My DC is ridiculously close to me and definitely hasn't been in any way damaged by me not being present the whole time... if anything, it's actually strengthened our bond.

So yes, of course children can manage fine - assuming the main carer is competent and loving.

Ok there's a huge difference between a choice to deliberately set up that pattern and circumstances dictating it.

Your children will be ok.

It's not an ideal scenario, but very few people live in a 100% ideal scenario - we all live on a scale and do our best. Doing what it takes to help you get better is the best thing for your children.

I think they’ll be ok, but as long as you say all of the often unsaid things. Why this has to be this way, you wish it wasn’t and it can’t be helped etc etc. Reinforce it at every opportunity, tell them as much as you can that you actually want to be with them and and love them. I know all of that sounds obvious, but I see many parents who make the mistake of thinking that their children are mind readers. You have to make it clear and reinforce every bit of your deep love for them. Otherwise they could make assumptions that they are unwanted or something equally untrue and damaging. Talk to them.