To ask if you can suffer from depression and anxiety despite holding down a job and appearing largely ok?

[fortunatelynot]

Genuinely interested in experiences...can it truly be depression or anxiety when you are still functioning pretty well?

But isn't the flip side that it makes people who do manage to hold a job down etc feel like they're not really sick enough or just making a fuss? I have a massive amount of imposter syndrome about my mental illness which can stop me seeking the help I need because I feel there's always someone who deserves it more. I have spent a lot of money which I can't really afford on private treatment because I'm not 'sick' enough for me to feel that I can justify accessing help on the NHS.

I can see this viewpoint but I don't share it.

I think it only really applies if you have the mindset that more serious = more real. It doesn't at all. Even the mildest of health conditions are real - they just don't have the same impact on life.

And the severity of an illness doesn't (or shouldn't - admittedly it clearly does in our un-ideal health system) affect whether or not you should access treatment. In fact, I've been given treatment in the past because I was less severe and was therefore deemed treatable. Some others I know fell into the gap between not sectionable and too severe/uncompliant for help. This was eating disorder treatment so possibly very different from depression.

To me, it seems clear that someone unable* to work is 'more' sick than someone who can. But that doesn't mean their illness is more valid.

*genuinely unable that is, not 'unwilling' or 'able to afford to put their health first and choose not to'.

Stargazydrifter, I hope this thread helps, I really do and hopefully for other posters too. How awful that so many of us are feeling like this.

Dropzoneone, actually I will keep the perimenopause idea in my head. My PMT is atrocious and not getting any better.

I totally agree @manicinsomniac that that's how it should be; I think it's hard sometimes to feel that about yourself though. We're always far more compassionate to others than ourselves.

Thinking about the carrying on/have no choice thing.

I did that in a previous job, the job itself and the bullying that came with it were exacerbating my mental health problems, but I used to drag myself in when physically ill, and really too ill to be there, because it was easier to do that than deal with the anxiety caused by phoning in sick. Over ten years later and in a completely different job I still feel like that about phoning in. I'll email, text, phone early and leave an answer phone message (and I hate doing that, but it's very than speaking to a person), but phoning and speaking to sometime still triggers anxiety, even though where I work now it's fine and it would also be fine to phone up and say my anxiety was too bad for me to come in!

I eventually left the old job when it got to the point where I wanted to injure myself to have a "good enough" reason not to go in. Given they'd pestered people in hospital to come in I don't think even that would have worked, but shows the state I ended up in from pushing myself because "I had to". I'm so glad I got out when I did, and just wish I'd done it sooner.

This thread has made me happy and sad. Sad that so many people struggle and continue to struggle with their lives and jobs and mental health and happy that they are still working and getting by.

Sad that I may never work again and can't see how I could get to the point. Sad that I am failing in some way, to not be able to carry on like so many on this thread are doing.

Happy that I've found a way to be okay most days as much as I can and that looking after my children gives me something that I need.

Sad that I never went back to walk after going off sick nearly 13 years ago now after a nervous breakdown.

Happy that I've survived since then.

It’s possible to send an outwardly convincing shell into the world, day after day, for years.

Yes. When I was having a particularly bad time and had a day off work my boss couldn't believe I had anxiety and depression as I hid it really well.as I said to her it's just there I still gotta do what I gotta do but sometimes it does take over

Definitely..

Yes, but I was fucking miserable

@KneelJustKneel @manic

I can see that my posts are veering off in the direction of parental responsibility rather than answering the OP's original question of being able to work when anxious or depressed. That's not fair of me, because they're two separate things and not being able to work definitely doesn't mean that a person isn't doing the best they can for their loved ones. Sorry.

I get overheated on this subject because I know a couple of people who, IMO, let their mental illness spiral and their children were exposed to distressing situations and/or neglected. Hence I have a thing about seeking help and trying to fight it.

Yes.

For me, when asking the original Q, I was including work but other stuff too. If you came to my house it would be clean and tidy. I might just have been to the gym or for a walk, the fridge would be full of food and everything would probably seem fine.

For me, it seems that doing stuff is keeping me afloat as it stops me thinking too much.

Yes. I have moderate to severe postnatal depression and anxiety. The house is well looked after, DD is now thriving and well cared for whilst going to a few baby classes, even the cat was well looked after when poorly. I go back to my usual job but have also set up a small business to help cope financially. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of wallowing in my moods with a baby to care for. My therapist said this is very typical for women in particular and is not an indicator of their level of underlying distress.

Yes. Basically my whole life.

OP, just because you appear to be holding it together in all aspects of your life doesn't mean that you're not screaming inside and it doesn't make the way you feel any less real or valid than someone who doesn't feel able to work due to MH issues.

Gosh another one! Blackcat if someone is unable to cope due to MH issues it doesnt mean they're "wallowing" for goodnesss sake. I thought we were getting somewhere with MH education. Obviously not 😥

Op I agree with Minge. Of course its valid. I personally wish I had a tidy house/ went to the gym regularly/ house full of food. It sounds like you have excellent self-care and as you say, its whats keeping you afloat and you really should be congratulating yourself for that

A lot of my struggle would ve easier if I could keep om top of meals/ keeping house ordered/went to gym but I suspect its all tied in for me and I struggle with these things ridiculously so for a theoretically intelligent women. Honestly. Everyday is a battle with those things amd that knocks onto everything else - but I do suspect Ive got a level of executive functioning problems. Academic work is fine! Organising life skills nope. They would definitely help my state of mind, if I were better off Id pay someone!

Ami of course I agree about parental responsibility. I don't know your families obviously but it doesnt mean that other people who cant cope arent trying. Some people really cant control it or think logically enough to get and receive help . I know 2 families where mum was repeatedly sectioned. In both cases Id say theyre trying so much harder than normal people have to try, just to hold it together in betwen. Its a myth theyre not trying. Theyre battling something unseen and sometimes dont win and need specialist help.

If I wasnt doing school run Id look for some basic MH education pages to link to. It seems theres still so much underlying blame of those who dont "cope" with depression and anxiety :(

Yup I have (mainly in remission) complex ptsd and I work in mental health. It's tough sometimes, but totally doable. I'd be miserable if I didn't work.

Also meant to add though that my self care is absolutely top priority. I work 35 hours a week so I can have an afternoon off to see friends and relax. I exercise everyday, meditate, eat plant based. Have a few hobbies but generally don't overdo it.
I'm not suffering inside, but my life revolves around keeping sane. Just like someone's life with idk cystic fibrosis would revolve around physio. You play the cards you're dealt.

Well done, Alice. I hope I can get there someday. Its really encouraging when hearing that people do!

It's so worth it! Just a huge amount of endless hard work
For me giving up the "sick role" was the main thing. I couldn't admit it for years but being ill served a huge function for me, I got so much validation/care from other people. Now I have to give it to myself.
Some days I want to refuse to be so high functioning and shout at everyone: "you do realise I really should be living in a secure long term placement don't you?".... Its ridiculous and doesn't happen often at all. But again it's a sign for me that I'm starting to struggle so I ask for help and get out my self compassionate hat. Which gets shoved on my head with much resistance from said head.

Watch the Stephen Fry documentary about his depression.

He says at one point he was presenting QI and cracking jokes and laughing but in his head he was thinking "I wish I was dead, I wish I was dead".

I think it is a good example of what it can look like externally.

Yep, I suffer with both. I have a full time job, a mortgage, and a small circle (very small more like a round dot) of friends and only those close to me know I suffer. My partner has seen me at my worst and i worry it drives us apart, but he knows how to deal with my bad spouts and it works. Whereas in public i couldn't imagine everyone knowing as that would make my anxiety even worse as I don't want people treading on eggshells round me thinking 'I can't say that, she's depressed'. It's not just those that make a big deal about it that are suffering

It's not just those who make a big deal about it who are suffering

This comment: who is making a big deal about it???

Some people without a leg can run marathons, other people without a leg can barely get dressed.

It's the same with mental illness. Just because someone else may not be able to do what you do, it does not mean that they are making a big deal about it.

Sentences like this shut down people opening up and being able to talk about their struggle. I'm happy you can work but if you couldn't and if you stopped and needed more help then that would not be you making a big deal out of it.

I'm proud of myself, my life has been shit and every day and night I battle to stay breathing. I battle to be a good home edder and a good mother and carer. I do a good job on the main but its tough for me.

I think about going to work as that is all that seems worthwhile and valuable to those looking in and I cant do it yet.

Am I making a big deal out of it? I'm doing my best and what I do do, I do well.

I no longer talk to even my family about it because of this attitude. My daughters know if I've had a bad day and they cover for me, my bed becomes our school room with book scattered all over and lessons did take place in between me sleeping. Everyone fed and no one dead.

Am I doing depression, anxiety and ocd wrong? Am I doing chronic exhaustion and joint pain wrong?

Yes. Although a psychiatrist used the fact I was holding down a job, getting out of bed, dressing myself etc as a reason why I couldn't possibly be bipolar or have anything other than straight depression. Despite a whole host of symptoms. That set me back a bit because it was so dismissive. GP was livid!

There is a lot of confounding of function, mood and cognition going on here.

You can have suicidal thoughts and still get up and go to work all day. Because the consequences of not doing that are worse.

Thank you all for your continued posts - they are comforting but at the same time, very sad, as there are so many people going through so much every day.

It is interesting how the discussion has evolved around work; when I had PND many years ago I could not even have contemplated working. Now however, (assuming I DO have depression), I seem to need work in the sense that it creates routine although, due to the stressful nature of my work, it is so tiring and I'm not sure overall, that it IS good for my mental health.

I am going to keep a really close eye on my period - it was unbearable last week at my time of the month and that seems to have improved a little this week. I also find weekends so hard and pointless; what a sad thing to admit as I look forward to the idea of them during the long hard work week, but when they arrive I am crap.

I have started taking a good dose of St. John's Wort this week. Having looked at some studies, there is some evidence to suggest it has an effect with minimal side effects.