To ask if you can suffer from depression and anxiety despite holding down a job and appearing largely ok?

[fortunatelynot]

Genuinely interested in experiences...can it truly be depression or anxiety when you are still functioning pretty well?

it's very dangerous to say things like 'yes, because I have to.' or 'yes, because there's no choice.' A lot of posters have said this and it makes it sound like they are stronger than those who can't work and that, if circumstances demand it, anyone could push their MH condition aside and just cope.

At a certain severity of illness a person will break down regardless of the need to keep going.

Yes manic that is so true.

Sorry, @PlatypusLeague, but I'm the child of someone who did let things get out of hand without seeking help and then expected other people to mop up the mess for him. It was horrendous and has been v. difficult to forgive. I know he was ill, but he essentially stopped trying.

I think many people do hold it together for the sake of their families because they don't want them to deal with the trauma.

My work made my mental health much worse, so it can be difficult as well. Making taking care of self at work and having a balance is key. I would have no balance with DC as no time off. I need the time they are at school to cope to be honest.

Platypus so how am i supposed to say that I wanted to take time off sick but couldn't because of the impact that would have in terms of loss of money/job, being kicked out for not paying rent etc?

Whether its dangerous to say it or not, it's still true

Inthekitchensink...was on venlfaxine for pnd years ago, it worked in terms of balancing my mood but took me ages to come off it as suffered headaches and sickness even with gradual reduction.

I've had this thread open for a good while and it's taken me all day to get reading. I could have written so much of this myself. Thank you to the OP and PPs for sharing such difficult things. It's both heartbreaking and strangely reassuring and perhaps I feel a little less alone for it now. Big, heartfelt hugs to you all.

I've only recently started properly opening up about all this to DH, and even then I don't want to burden him completely or make him think he is somehow not good enough in all this. I've had all these feelings for the longest time, they pre-date everything, and the least I can do is let DH enjoy his side of the ride which, on paper, is really quite lovely.

Yes. I’m at the moment managing to hide it from everyone but fully aware now I am in my own

PTSD and anxiety, work full time etc you get used to wearing the mask

Yes, I work full time, am a single parent to 4. At the moment we are under threat of homelessness. Am so anxious and low. But going into work is honestly an amazing distraction.
I have had depression and anxiety on and off for years.

Yes you can. It takes a toll though.

RussellSprout I think Platypus was quoting me with the dangerous comment. I stand by it. The fact that you were able to think and follow through with 'wanted to take time off but couldn't is something that not all mental illness allows. A totally catatonic depression for example, will not allow a sufferer out of bed. It doesn't matter how much they might need their job, house or children, they will still lose them due to illness out with their control. Which is why I think the number of people on here saying 'I so it because I have to' is concerning. It minimises and demeans those who can't. Those of us who work don't 'do it because we have to'. We 'do it because we can* .'

With depression, yep, I did. Nailed it at work and then came home and laid on the floor in foetal position. HTH?

Late to the party but yes, I've had anxiety all my life, depression on and off depending on circumstances. As a teen I had no idea what anxiety was or meant, I just knew I wasn't like other people my age. I could barely leave the house and people constantly asking why I wasn't out having fun, meeting a boyfriend etc. I spent years sitting in my bedroom, discovered alcohol and that's another story. I have spent years hiding my feelings, lying to midwives and health visitors. You find ways to cope.

Exactly manic. Mental illness in the worst cases can genuinely make it impossible to do anything at all, despite the sufferer's very best efforts, no matter how strong a person they are.

Someone saying they found the strength to carry on "because I had to" is very belittling towards those who, just like you, did their best - also "because they had to" - yet still lost their job, home etc. and are devastated. Talk about rubbing it in!

You're effectively saying that, unlike virtuous old you, they didn't try hard enough, or didn't care enough, which is not necessarily true. And that is a direct remnant of the outdated "pull yourself together" school of thought where mental illness is down to one's own fault, personal weakness, even immorality.

Maybe if they were 0.001 per cent less ill they'd be just the other side of the catastrophe line - who knows?

Most mental illness is not unbearably severe, long term and treatment-resistant, so of course most people somehow carry on, even when it's a huge struggle. But some don't, despite making just as much effort as the next person. Yes, we all prefer to feel we're in control of our lives and such devastating occurrences are normally unimaginable for nearly everyone. But there, but for the grace of God/serotonin/genetics/circumstances/chemistry/chance, go any of us.

Yes

Got to agree with PlatypusLeague.

@fortunatelynot

I haven't read all the replies, but your comment about your age in the OP made me wonder if you'd asked your GP about perimenopause? I found my anxiety creeping up, and pmt symptoms worsening to the point my OH said i was a pressure cooker and he never knew if I'd shout or cry. Something to consider, especially if the AD medication isn't working for you.

You're effectively saying that, unlike virtuous old you, they didn't try hard enough, or didn't care enough, which is not necessarily true. And that is a direct remnant of the outdated "pull yourself together" school of thought where mental illness is down to one's own fault, personal weakness, even immorality.

I'agree that very severe cases of anxiety or depression can render a person unable to function. But, I also believe that if you feel yourself going under (so to speak), you need to fight it and access all the help you possibly can, especially if you have people who depend on you.

I'm one of those "genetic" cases in that mental health problems "run" in one side of my family. Some relatives have fought it, others haven't - and yes, I do think the "fighters" are stronger people. No child deserves to be orphaned early or be the child who discovers their overdosed parent - both have happened in my family.

Sorry, I know this sounds v. judgy.

I'agree that very severe cases of anxiety or depression can render a person unable to function. But, I also believe that if you feel yourself going under (so to speak), you need to fight it and access all the help you possibly can, especially if you have people who depend on you

Yes, of course. But the OP just asked if it was possible to have mental health problems and still be able to work. Everyone replied to say yes but a lot of people replied to say 'yes, because I have no choice.'

All some of us are trying to say is that sometimes people are so ill that, despite having tried everything and no matter what they have to lose, they are going to cease to function anyway. And to imply, even accidentally, that those people just didn't try hard enough, is a big problem.

It would be like asking if it is possible to work with a physical illness or disability that has a huge variation in severity. Of course the answer would be that many can and a few can't. But the determining factor would be the severity of symptoms, not the willingness to try. Mental illness is no different but it's very hard for many people to understand that.

Ami why wouod acknowledging that some people are stronger than others be judgy? Some people are more ill or more disabled by their illness than others. It just is.

I havent been able to return to my profession and its really affected my family from the house we're in to the local school to family income etc. And ive struggled with loss of status which affects self esteem.

Im genuinely pleased for those able to manage work (perhaps have more support structure/flexible work/less affected who knows?) But there comes a point when you just cant. And its awful. I dont see why on earth anyone would judge someone for being more ill?! Id hope for empathy that life/circumstances/brai chemistry hadnt been so kins. Its hard enough motivating myself when I feel its all gone wrong never mind feeling the weight of others judgement!!

But isn't the flip side that it makes people who do manage to hold a job down etc feel like they're not really sick enough or just making a fuss? I have a massive amount of imposter syndrome about my mental illness which can stop me seeking the help I need because I feel there's always someone who deserves it more. I have spent a lot of money which I can't really afford on private treatment because I'm not 'sick' enough for me to feel that I can justify accessing help on the NHS.

Lots of people can have mental health issuea and work as the thread shows, just because they arent as bad as or have more support or find work easier doesn't make it less valid. But not to recognise those not coping is very wrong.

I totally agree @KneelJustKneel but for me, the fact that I can work means that I judge myself and feel that my (many) diagnoses are less valid and less deserving of help/sympathy/support. I would never judge anyone else that way! As ever, you can't really win with mental illness. You're screwed either way.

Okay, so I think you need to isolate the source and go and have a quiet word. Say you have no moral beef with them but the smell is overpowering and ask them to contain it in a distant room or better, outside.

It's like any other antisocial behaviour isn't it? Hard to tackle and ultimately you might have to move, unfortunately.

Oops wrong thread. That reads REALLY badly. Apologies!

Yes to the q on this thread though. I've lost count of the number of conversations I've had with completely in the dark bosses over the years.. "oh, I'd never have guessed!; Oh, but you dont seem the type" etc etc. I've had 3 weeks in total in 20 years in my highly skilled job. Actually, I think depression and anxiety mak me better at my job!